Week 2 Monday Night Melons

It was another offensive orgy in the IFL this week, highlighted by the Bungals/Browns game, where the 2 teams combined for 96 points and 1000 yards, while also accounting for an unprecedented 251 IFL points. That brain-boggling total does not even include the 46 by Cleveland QB Derek Anderson (who is an IFL free agent), nor the 27 by Kellen Winslow on my bench. Of course, 123 of those points came from Notorious RVG's team, at the expense of me (see below), but nobody likes a complainer. And besides, that's what I get for drafting Reggie Bush over Rudi Johnson. I truly am a first-class Grade A dope. Shu, you're welcome.

And speaking of Shu, he continues to put up eye-popping numbers, totaling the first 200-point week in quite a few years while collecting the weekly $20 prize. It is no coincidence that this happens when Rosh Hashanah and the Italian-American festival in Bristol are occuring in the same week, the first time in 85 years these 2 events cross paths. Even with the new scoring system, there is no doubt that 9 Fingers are on fire. Mazeltov, Shu, and congratulazioni. And קרױט.

Anyway, 3 games have implications tonight. Here they are:

Napalm Death 120, Ballbusters 110
(ND has Westbrook) (BB has S Moss)
Devo has the unquestioned edge going into tonight w/ Westbrook, but ND was helped by the one-man show that was Galloway (40). Lee Evans (3) continues to disappoint. As for Ballbusters, Favre led the way with 30 (nice call starting him over Leinart btw). Sorry Bob, gotta root for Napalm tonight.

Part Time Pimps 106, Dragons 91
(PTP has Akers) (Drag has McNabb)
This should be a close one tonight....Wo wants TDs, Mike B wants field goals. PTP continued to get loads of points from Andre Johnson (36) and T Henry (20). Wo struggled again this week, as his high man was the Dallas D (22). A Dragons win would put both of these ass clowns at 1-1 in the West.

Nine Fingers 217, Mighty Meatballs 84
(9F is done) (MM has Reggie Brown, Randle El, and Eagles D)
I think it's safe to say no one has ever trailed by 133 going into MNF... but the Meatballs have not lost yet! That is because it would be a moral victory if they didn't actually put up the low score for the week. No guarantees, considering they are starting their Week 1 pickup, Randle El (ouch). W Parker (26) and D Branch (24) led the way for Meatballs, who can still escape being a complete laughingstock tonight if they can get over the century mark. As for the actual game... no one was beating Shu this week, let's be serious. His 6 starting offensive players averaged 30 points. He reaped the benefits of that ridiculous CIN-CLE game, with Ocho Cinco netting cuarenta y ocho and Rudi putting up 30. Shu is the Central leader at 2-0. Meatballs, what else, 0-2. For god sake, when do I play Meatball...ah yes, Week 6. Could be 0-5 vs 0-5 at this rate though.


The following games are OVER.

Notorious RVG 178, Chinese Toys R Us 109
FINAL
Palmer = 58. Edwards = 39. TJ Housh = 26. But hey, I outsmarted everyone by picking up and starting the Cincy Defense. Glad to see them really clamp down on that inept Browns O. Unfortunately, their 3-point outburst was not enough, and CTRU tumbles to 0-2 in the very tough Central division. Romo's 24, TO's 21, and Lamont Jordan's 20 notwithstanding. Bush = 13. I think we can change the "h" in his last name to a "t" and that would be more appropriate. Nah seriously, he better come around...he started last year slow also (I think he didn't score a TD until around Week 6), but this is not looking good. I actually received an e-mail from the chairman of the Garbage Bowl sponsored by the Phila. Dept. of Sanitation this morning, asking me if I want to lock in my spot. How humiliating. ehhh RVG improves to 1-0-1 in the East.

MudDogs 101, Hit Squad 90
(MD has Cooley) (HS is done)
Well-balanced, but not overly impressive effort by Mike P, led by Brady's game-clinching 29 on Sunday night. But the big story here is Holland's piss-poor showing. LJ continues to stuggle (he had only 11), and so does MJD (a measley 5). Hit Squad's high man (other than the owner) was the Jags' D with 23. Mud Dogs are 1-0-1, while Hit Squad is 1-1 in the IFL LEast.

Razen Kanes 159, Lizard Kings 144
(RK has Curtis) (LK is done)
Tone Money is 2-0! Just as his beloved Michigan gets off the schnide, Tone puts up his most impressive IFL performance in about 7 years (if only my team could mirror the Sooners' performances). Poor, poor Johnny E, who puts up a great fight but loses again, not unlike his Temple Owls, who were jobbed this past weekend. He can join me in the Great Teams Who Are 0-2 support group. The Kanes were led by Steve Smith's 3 TDs (for a monstrous 52). Lizard Kings enjoyed some of the Ohio offensive explosion, with J-Lew's 38. A better day out of Manning (24) and we might be talking about Ellis with the same reverence that we now speak of Tone Money.

B.C. Bombers 166, Dead Beats 110
(BCB has Portis) (DB is done)
Apparently Chris T is taking his title reign seriously. He must have not gotten the memo that says defending champs are supposed to suck the next year. Anyway, Jake Friggin Delhomme put up 43 as he was astutely inserted in the starting lineup over Eli Manning. Roy Williams also came to play with 30, and the Pats D chipped in 29. And with each passing week, Chaos' odd-numbered year title streak is more and more in jeopardy. If I were him, I would be slightly concerned about LT (who only had 9), because the Chargers offense looks atrocious (esp. Rivers). The consensus #1 pick probably end up getting his as SD's schedule eases up though. One bright spot was Edge's 28-bomb, as I once again have to ask where that was last season. BC is 2-0 and DB will be in last place in the East at 0-2.