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8====D
Monday, December 29, 2008
Monday, November 17, 2008
Week 11 Monday Night Malfeasance
Egh. What a day. Football on TV was a crap-o-rama (thanks to Fat Andy) and my winning streak is finally over (I know, WAAAAAA I lost!). And yes, you can pin this loss on Mr. Nougat himself, thanks to my overanalysis of the matchups. Bench Brandon Jacobs vs. the Ravens? Sure! Anyway, whatever, that's what fantasy is all about. Second guessing your bad decisions. I'm not gonna sit here and lament Pierre Thomas' 24 pts that I left on the bench. Nor will I do anything gay like announce my retirement in some elaborate fashion. You just gotta pick yourself up and keep pressing on. Let my stupidity be a life lesson to you all.
Despite the dreadful NFL day we had, the IFL was a veritable carnival, playoff implications and all. Here's a look at what hinges on tonight's abysmal Browns-Bills matchup, and the games that are already part of IFL mythology.
Despite the dreadful NFL day we had, the IFL was a veritable carnival, playoff implications and all. Here's a look at what hinges on tonight's abysmal Browns-Bills matchup, and the games that are already part of IFL mythology.
IMPLICATION CITY
Napalm Death 81, Razen Kanes 73
(ND has Winslow, RK has J. Lewis)
Pretty simple here... Devo's slender playoff hopes rest on beating a team who makes the Bengals look competitive. A loss here and he's 2 back in the division. If you can't win this one, the Dogshit Classic is the place for you in Week 14.
Lizard Kings 132, 9 Fingers 83
(9F has M. Lynch)
This is basically over, as Shu's once promising season (he started 3-0) is quickly turning to shit. Johnny E. Goode should be able to maintain his lead in the East barring Marshu Lynch turning water into wine or loaves into fishes.
These games are OVER.
Hit Squad 125, Rich & Creamy Nougat 103
FINAL
We can discuss my miscalculations all you want, but I'll spare you the greusome details. Ryan Grant (27) and Kevin Smith (22) freakin killed me here, not to mention the sudden impotency of Tim Hightower (3). And what's up with Delhomme throwing for under 100 yds for the second straight week. Piss poor. I wish I could still add/drop people because he would be kicked to the curb. Anyway, both teams are now 8-3 in the West, but Hit Squad has swept the season series, hence they are in the drivers seat. Holland enjoy that $20 bill, because I am going to wipe the sweat off my balls with it before I give it to you.
Mighty Meatballs 130, Mud Dogs 87
FINAL
My favorite IFL team in Week 11 was victorious! Meatball snapped the tie that bound him with Mike P, and dealt a serious blow to his playoff chances (he said blow). Meats are 6-4-1, Dogs are 5-5-1. As predicted, Manning went apeshit (33), but we did not expect the great day out of DeAngelo Williams (35). I'll take it.
Purple Throbbing Pens 176, Dragons 100
FINAL
Holy shit, Batman, what got into PTP? TJ Housh 37, Addai 36, Boldin 36, and HWard 27, that's what. That would give him the weekly $20 for the 2nd straight week, a grand total of 338 points in the last 2 weeks. I guess the purple throbbing pen15 shot his load, now he can become theNoto floppy flaccid phallus that he normally is. He's now 5-6 and not quite out of it yet, I don't think (although I have to do the math later tonight). As for Wo, another disgraceful day...he's 6-5 and fading fast!
Notorious RVG 122, Dead Beats 90
(RVG has Lindell)
Another day at the office for RVG, as he sends Chaos to his 10th loss of the season. And he left these guys on the bench: W. Parker 17, Thomas Jones 24, and Justin Gage 41! Thanks for not running the score up. The football gods may yet reward you. As it stands, RVG is still in 1st by a game, tied for the best record in the league at 8-3 with the other 2 clowns.
Ballbusters 103, BC Bombers 89
(Bob has L. Evans)
Congrats to BCB for putting forth a full effort this week (he actually had 8 active players in there). It was no match for the stinky ass of Ballbusting Bob. Although he may have been sweating a little bit until MBIII's Herculean effort on SNF (32). He is only a game back in the Central at 7-4.
Good luck to all tonight, and after everything shakes down, we just might have an idea of this whole playoff picture thing.
F Holland
*
Notorious RVG 122, Dead Beats 90
(RVG has Lindell)
Another day at the office for RVG, as he sends Chaos to his 10th loss of the season. And he left these guys on the bench: W. Parker 17, Thomas Jones 24, and Justin Gage 41! Thanks for not running the score up. The football gods may yet reward you. As it stands, RVG is still in 1st by a game, tied for the best record in the league at 8-3 with the other 2 clowns.
Ballbusters 103, BC Bombers 89
(Bob has L. Evans)
Congrats to BCB for putting forth a full effort this week (he actually had 8 active players in there). It was no match for the stinky ass of Ballbusting Bob. Although he may have been sweating a little bit until MBIII's Herculean effort on SNF (32). He is only a game back in the Central at 7-4.
Good luck to all tonight, and after everything shakes down, we just might have an idea of this whole playoff picture thing.
F Holland
*
Friday, November 14, 2008
Thursday Night and Week 11 Preview and more
Lot of action last night...lot. of.. action. But the big star from last night's Jets-Pats game was nowhere to be found in an IFL lineup! Yes, Matt Cassel and his 51 was on the bench of guess who? The BC Bombers. Yet another embarassment for the beleaguered former champion Chris T (which should in turn embarass all of you, the fact that he actually won this league). I would normally cut him some slack, since it was a tough decision between starting Cassel and Jason Campbell, as the Jets D was highly regarded... but still - LOL what a dope.
Before we take a look around the league and see how last night's slugfest in Foxboro affected the Week 11 games, let's quickly peek at the playoff standings.
If the season ended today (sponsored by FrankTV):
1. Rich & Creamy Nougat (8-2, 1st place West)
2. Notorious RVG (7-3, 1st place Central)
3. Lizard Kings (6-4, 1st place East)
4. Hit Squad (7-3, 2nd place West)
5. Dragons (6-4, tied for 2nd, Central)
6. Ballbusters (6-4, tied for 2nd, Central)
and now for Week 11...
THE $20 SLOBERKNOCKER BETWEEN 2 SLOBS
Hit Squad 16, Rich n Creamy 0
Last night: Hit Squad got 16 out of Gostkowski. I was not thrilled to see 16 out of Holland's (7-3) kicker, but I weathered a flaccid effort from Braylon Edwards (2) last Thursday and managed to outpoint Shu. This week RCN (8-2) faces considerably tougher matchups across the board. The Giants face the Ravens, which means bad matchups for Eli and Jacobs. As such, RCN owner Trenton Titsworth is highly considering starting Jake Delhomme (who plays Detroit) at QB. Jacobs will likely stay in the lineup, but the tough decision will be who sits between Tim Hightower, Dwayne Bowe, and Vincent Jackson. If I start Hightower and Jackson, that means I'll have 3 guys that Wo traded to me in my lineup. Thanks big guy, hope you enjoyed Bulger's -1 last week. As for Hit Squad, the big question mark is Clinton Portis, and that would be huge. As of now he has not practiced and may not play. Wonderful. Although McNabb could light it up vs. the Bungals. I would not be surprised if Holland picks up Greg Lewis and starts him, and Lewis puts up a 40-bomb.
Anyway, this is our Game of the Week, as the playoff and financial implications are huge. If Hit Squad wins, I owe Hols $20 (as per the terms of our prop bet), and he moves in to 1st place in the West thanks to the head-to-head tiebreaker (he is going for the sweep). If RCN wins, that all but locks the division up, as Nougat would have to lose their last 2 and Hit Squad win the last 2. Not to mention the #1 seed would be looking very good also, as RCN defeated 7-3 RVG earlier this season.
UNTIED: THE REMATCH
Mighty Meatballs 28, Mud Dogs 24
(Meatballs had Coles - 8, R. Moss - 11, and Pats D - 9. Mud Dogs had Favre - 24.)
Needless to say, things are looking bad for Meat (5-4-1). Moss would have been even worse if he didn't catch that last second TD. His only saving grace could be if Peyton absolutely torches the Texans. As for Mud Dogs, they are looking at pretty good matchups all the way around...which sucks because I always root against Mike P. Come on Meat, I'll buy you the first drink at John E's Xmas Party if you win!
In terms of playoff implications, this is a pretty huge game. The loser will probably be at least 1.5 games out of the last playoff spot, not to mention lose the head-to-head tiebreaker vs the winner. So this is essentially almost a playoff game in Week 11. Getcha popcorn and blunts ready.
WHEN YOU LOOK AT WO-MAN FROM A DISTANCE, HE KIND OF LOOKS LIKE A SCHLONG
Dragons 17, Purple Throbbing Penis 15
(Dragons had Cotchery - 17 and Green-Ellis - 0. PTP had Jets D - 15)
Not sure what happened to Ben Jarvis and Green Ellis last night, but they combined for oogatz. PTP (4-6) had a slightly disappointing night out of NYJ D, after they scored a TD on a KO return. But the suddenly vulnerable-looking Dragons (6-4) get a shot in the arm as Tony Homo returns to the lineup. This may be a double dose of good news as that we could also see TO return to glory for the Wo.
I think PTP is still alive by a miniscule thread of ball hair, so of course a win would be huge. Not to mention the goodwill they'd gain across the league by defeated the hated Wo-Man. Wo obviously needs this one bad to keep up with his Central counterpart Ballbusters, who have an easy game this week.
THERE WILL BE BLOOD (AND PROBABLY A SHU MELTDOWN)
Lizard Kings 22, 9 Fingers 0
(Kings had Welker last night - 22)
I don't need to tell you the enormity of this game, it would be redundant. Whenever Lizard Kings (6-4) and 9 Fingers (5-5) meet, it's always a bloody mess, and someone always gets their feelings hurt. John E got about what he expected from Welker last night. I could feel Shu wincing from my house every time Welker had the ball thrown near him.
L-Kings control their own destiny in the East, but they are far from a lock for the playoffs, as the 4th place team is only a game behind. Fingers obviously need lots of wins...or else they will miss out on the fabulous IFL postseason party (which will be catered by Club Risque this year).
EVIL vs. EVIL
Ballbusters 0, B.C. Bombers 0
I am more mad about Bob possibly not losing to another horrible team, than I am about Chris being non-competitive. But BCB's actions are still deplorable. Cassel: 51 on the bench. I saw Bob chortling in the parking lot this morning as he stuffed his face with a cheese danish. You know the deal, Ballbusters (6-4) are on the cusp of postseason glory, and only a game back of 1st. But one slipup could make his playoff dreams go *poof*. BCB (3-7) is currently pondering which Bowl invitation to accept.
I CAN'T BELIEVE MY FINANCIAL FUTURE DEPENDS ON TONE MONEY'S SUCCESS
Napalm Death 0, Razen Kanes 0
Let us take a moment to laugh at the fact that Holland gave Tone Money (1-9) his only win this year. LOL...Holland sucks. Speaking of money, I am on the verge of winning my other famous prop bet... as I hold a 3-game lead over Napalm Death (5-5). What did we say, $10 a game, Devo? F you, pay me.
I THINK I JUST SHIT MY PANTS
Notorious RVG 0, Dead Beats 0
Dead Beats on a 1-game winning streak. RVG is fighting for the bye. Something must give. And I think it was my rectum. Oh well, another pair of soiled boxers down the tubes. I just hope I didn't leave bacon strips on the ass of my khakis.
REMAINING SCHEDULES of POTENTIAL PLAYOFF PARTICIPANTS
Lizard Kings: 9 Fingers, Mud Dogs, Meatballs
Mud Dogs: Meatballs (loss), Lizard Kings (loss), RVG (loss)
Meatballs: Mud Dogs, Razen Kanes, Lizard Kings
Napalm Death: Razen Kanes, Dead Beats, Rich & Creamy
Notorious RVG: Dead Beats, Ballbusters, Mud Dogs
Dragons: PTP, Rich & Creamy, Ballbusters
Ballbusters: BCB, RVG, Dragons
PTP: Dragons, Hit Squad, Dead Beats
Rich & Creamy: Hit Squad, Dragons, Napalm Death
Hit Squad: Rich & Creamy, PTP, BCB
9 Fingers: Lizard Kings, BCB, Razen Kanes
Bowl-eligible: Razen Kanes, Dead Beats, B.C. Bombers
Good luck!
T. Titsworth
*
Before we take a look around the league and see how last night's slugfest in Foxboro affected the Week 11 games, let's quickly peek at the playoff standings.
If the season ended today (sponsored by FrankTV):
1. Rich & Creamy Nougat (8-2, 1st place West)
2. Notorious RVG (7-3, 1st place Central)
3. Lizard Kings (6-4, 1st place East)
4. Hit Squad (7-3, 2nd place West)
5. Dragons (6-4, tied for 2nd, Central)
6. Ballbusters (6-4, tied for 2nd, Central)
and now for Week 11...
THE $20 SLOBERKNOCKER BETWEEN 2 SLOBS
Hit Squad 16, Rich n Creamy 0
Last night: Hit Squad got 16 out of Gostkowski. I was not thrilled to see 16 out of Holland's (7-3) kicker, but I weathered a flaccid effort from Braylon Edwards (2) last Thursday and managed to outpoint Shu. This week RCN (8-2) faces considerably tougher matchups across the board. The Giants face the Ravens, which means bad matchups for Eli and Jacobs. As such, RCN owner Trenton Titsworth is highly considering starting Jake Delhomme (who plays Detroit) at QB. Jacobs will likely stay in the lineup, but the tough decision will be who sits between Tim Hightower, Dwayne Bowe, and Vincent Jackson. If I start Hightower and Jackson, that means I'll have 3 guys that Wo traded to me in my lineup. Thanks big guy, hope you enjoyed Bulger's -1 last week. As for Hit Squad, the big question mark is Clinton Portis, and that would be huge. As of now he has not practiced and may not play. Wonderful. Although McNabb could light it up vs. the Bungals. I would not be surprised if Holland picks up Greg Lewis and starts him, and Lewis puts up a 40-bomb.
Anyway, this is our Game of the Week, as the playoff and financial implications are huge. If Hit Squad wins, I owe Hols $20 (as per the terms of our prop bet), and he moves in to 1st place in the West thanks to the head-to-head tiebreaker (he is going for the sweep). If RCN wins, that all but locks the division up, as Nougat would have to lose their last 2 and Hit Squad win the last 2. Not to mention the #1 seed would be looking very good also, as RCN defeated 7-3 RVG earlier this season.
UNTIED: THE REMATCH
Mighty Meatballs 28, Mud Dogs 24
(Meatballs had Coles - 8, R. Moss - 11, and Pats D - 9. Mud Dogs had Favre - 24.)
Needless to say, things are looking bad for Meat (5-4-1). Moss would have been even worse if he didn't catch that last second TD. His only saving grace could be if Peyton absolutely torches the Texans. As for Mud Dogs, they are looking at pretty good matchups all the way around...which sucks because I always root against Mike P. Come on Meat, I'll buy you the first drink at John E's Xmas Party if you win!
In terms of playoff implications, this is a pretty huge game. The loser will probably be at least 1.5 games out of the last playoff spot, not to mention lose the head-to-head tiebreaker vs the winner. So this is essentially almost a playoff game in Week 11. Getcha popcorn and blunts ready.
WHEN YOU LOOK AT WO-MAN FROM A DISTANCE, HE KIND OF LOOKS LIKE A SCHLONG
Dragons 17, Purple Throbbing Penis 15
(Dragons had Cotchery - 17 and Green-Ellis - 0. PTP had Jets D - 15)
Not sure what happened to Ben Jarvis and Green Ellis last night, but they combined for oogatz. PTP (4-6) had a slightly disappointing night out of NYJ D, after they scored a TD on a KO return. But the suddenly vulnerable-looking Dragons (6-4) get a shot in the arm as Tony Homo returns to the lineup. This may be a double dose of good news as that we could also see TO return to glory for the Wo.
I think PTP is still alive by a miniscule thread of ball hair, so of course a win would be huge. Not to mention the goodwill they'd gain across the league by defeated the hated Wo-Man. Wo obviously needs this one bad to keep up with his Central counterpart Ballbusters, who have an easy game this week.
THERE WILL BE BLOOD (AND PROBABLY A SHU MELTDOWN)
Lizard Kings 22, 9 Fingers 0
(Kings had Welker last night - 22)
I don't need to tell you the enormity of this game, it would be redundant. Whenever Lizard Kings (6-4) and 9 Fingers (5-5) meet, it's always a bloody mess, and someone always gets their feelings hurt. John E got about what he expected from Welker last night. I could feel Shu wincing from my house every time Welker had the ball thrown near him.
L-Kings control their own destiny in the East, but they are far from a lock for the playoffs, as the 4th place team is only a game behind. Fingers obviously need lots of wins...or else they will miss out on the fabulous IFL postseason party (which will be catered by Club Risque this year).
EVIL vs. EVIL
Ballbusters 0, B.C. Bombers 0
I am more mad about Bob possibly not losing to another horrible team, than I am about Chris being non-competitive. But BCB's actions are still deplorable. Cassel: 51 on the bench. I saw Bob chortling in the parking lot this morning as he stuffed his face with a cheese danish. You know the deal, Ballbusters (6-4) are on the cusp of postseason glory, and only a game back of 1st. But one slipup could make his playoff dreams go *poof*. BCB (3-7) is currently pondering which Bowl invitation to accept.
I CAN'T BELIEVE MY FINANCIAL FUTURE DEPENDS ON TONE MONEY'S SUCCESS
Napalm Death 0, Razen Kanes 0
Let us take a moment to laugh at the fact that Holland gave Tone Money (1-9) his only win this year. LOL...Holland sucks. Speaking of money, I am on the verge of winning my other famous prop bet... as I hold a 3-game lead over Napalm Death (5-5). What did we say, $10 a game, Devo? F you, pay me.
I THINK I JUST SHIT MY PANTS
Notorious RVG 0, Dead Beats 0
Dead Beats on a 1-game winning streak. RVG is fighting for the bye. Something must give. And I think it was my rectum. Oh well, another pair of soiled boxers down the tubes. I just hope I didn't leave bacon strips on the ass of my khakis.
REMAINING SCHEDULES of POTENTIAL PLAYOFF PARTICIPANTS
Lizard Kings: 9 Fingers, Mud Dogs, Meatballs
Mud Dogs: Meatballs (loss), Lizard Kings (loss), RVG (loss)
Meatballs: Mud Dogs, Razen Kanes, Lizard Kings
Napalm Death: Razen Kanes, Dead Beats, Rich & Creamy
Notorious RVG: Dead Beats, Ballbusters, Mud Dogs
Dragons: PTP, Rich & Creamy, Ballbusters
Ballbusters: BCB, RVG, Dragons
PTP: Dragons, Hit Squad, Dead Beats
Rich & Creamy: Hit Squad, Dragons, Napalm Death
Hit Squad: Rich & Creamy, PTP, BCB
9 Fingers: Lizard Kings, BCB, Razen Kanes
Bowl-eligible: Razen Kanes, Dead Beats, B.C. Bombers
Good luck!
T. Titsworth
*
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Week 10 Recap and Bloopers and Practical Jokes
We had a couple spoilers and another big lineup gaffe.
Rich N Creamy 118, 9 Fingers 102
8 in a row for RCN (8-2). Gore and Hightower each put up 11 on MNF to seal the deal. Shu (5-5) wastes gems from Wayne (34) and Rivers (28).
Lizard Kings 120, Napalm Death 98
Huge division win for first-place Lizards (6-4). Warner - 39 on MNF. Ouch. ND (5-5) starts off great with a Royal 39 on Thursday but they benched Winslow and his 36, then fell flat on Sunday.
Mud Dogs 111, Razen Kanes 88
Dogs (5-4-1) get 36 out of Peterson, not a surprise. Flacco (23) is Kanes (1-9) leading scorer! It's official, Tone Money currently has the worst team in the IFL. How could this happen?
Purple Throbbing Pens 162, Notorious RVG 140
LOL PTP (4-6) - only 4 wins but had the weekly high score 2 of those times. OMG RVG (7-3) - 2nd highest score of the week, and a loss.
Dead Beats 137, Ballbusters 82
Congrats to da Beats (1-9), their perfectly abysmal season is over. Thanks to Cutler (51). Ballbusting Bob (6-4), despite Brees (33), loses a key chance to gain ground in the Playoff chase.
Mighty Meatballs 121, BC Bombers 119
BC Bombers (3-7) had their kicker on a bye and did not replace him. Last week, his starting D was on a bye. His draft time was like 9 hours. Are you trying to be Mr. Bad Ass, playing by no one's rules but your own? Being the antagonist, eh? Mailing it in like that is piss poor, especially since it could affect the playoff race, and the bank accounts of almost everyone in the league. Knowing Meatball he'll probably lose the rest of his games, but still. Meatballs (5-4-1) win by 2.
Hit Squad 132, Dragons 67
Negative 1 for Bulger. That sums Dragons' (6-4) afternoon up. Hit Squad's (7-3) Mystery Hero of the Day for this week was Kevin Smith (19). I wonder who he'll pull out of his rectum next week vs. me?
Week 11 - Look into the future
Razen Kanes (1-9) vs Napalm Death (5-5)
Mud Dogs (5-4-1) vs Mighty Meatballs (5-4-1) - tie rematch
PTP (4-6) vs Dragons (6-4)
Dead Beats (1-9) vs Notorious RVG (7-3)
Hit Squad (7-3) vs Rich & Creamy (8-2)
9 Fingers (5-5) vs Lizard Kings (6-4)
Ballbusters (6-4) vs BCB (3-7?)
EDITOR'S NOTE
Thursday night brings us the Jets and the Patriots live on NFL Network. Please remember those players in your lineup by then. Same deal as last week with the free agents, those guys are off limits once the game starts).
FA DEADLINE
Yes, it is here. It seems that the new FFA system was a raging success, and even one of its biggest proponents and fincanciers, Ballbusting Bob, committed the very type of abuse that he was tirading against (picking up a player off the free agent heap then dropping him a minute later when he realizes there was someone slightly better so he picks him up). What a hypocrite! But anyway, this is the last week to pick someone up. As of 12:55 pm on Sunday morning, your rosters are locked for the year! (except for the very cryptic kicker rule)
ROSTER DISCUSSIONS
So overall, what do you think of the free-for-all? Also do you think we should reduce rosters? Make the free agent deadline later, or don't have one at all? Stop by my house anytime to sit down and talk about these very issues, as that is what has been discussed at recent RC videoconferences.
LOOK FOR BALLOTS
The 2008 IFL Turkey of the Year ballots will be mailed to your house shortly. I am sending them via Certified Mail, so please make sure someone will be home when they arrive so they can sign for the package.
I think that is all for now.
Commissioner
Lovemore Endo, Esq.
*
Rich N Creamy 118, 9 Fingers 102
8 in a row for RCN (8-2). Gore and Hightower each put up 11 on MNF to seal the deal. Shu (5-5) wastes gems from Wayne (34) and Rivers (28).
Lizard Kings 120, Napalm Death 98
Huge division win for first-place Lizards (6-4). Warner - 39 on MNF. Ouch. ND (5-5) starts off great with a Royal 39 on Thursday but they benched Winslow and his 36, then fell flat on Sunday.
Mud Dogs 111, Razen Kanes 88
Dogs (5-4-1) get 36 out of Peterson, not a surprise. Flacco (23) is Kanes (1-9) leading scorer! It's official, Tone Money currently has the worst team in the IFL. How could this happen?
Purple Throbbing Pens 162, Notorious RVG 140
LOL PTP (4-6) - only 4 wins but had the weekly high score 2 of those times. OMG RVG (7-3) - 2nd highest score of the week, and a loss.
Dead Beats 137, Ballbusters 82
Congrats to da Beats (1-9), their perfectly abysmal season is over. Thanks to Cutler (51). Ballbusting Bob (6-4), despite Brees (33), loses a key chance to gain ground in the Playoff chase.
Mighty Meatballs 121, BC Bombers 119
BC Bombers (3-7) had their kicker on a bye and did not replace him. Last week, his starting D was on a bye. His draft time was like 9 hours. Are you trying to be Mr. Bad Ass, playing by no one's rules but your own? Being the antagonist, eh? Mailing it in like that is piss poor, especially since it could affect the playoff race, and the bank accounts of almost everyone in the league. Knowing Meatball he'll probably lose the rest of his games, but still. Meatballs (5-4-1) win by 2.
Hit Squad 132, Dragons 67
Negative 1 for Bulger. That sums Dragons' (6-4) afternoon up. Hit Squad's (7-3) Mystery Hero of the Day for this week was Kevin Smith (19). I wonder who he'll pull out of his rectum next week vs. me?
Week 11 - Look into the future
Razen Kanes (1-9) vs Napalm Death (5-5)
Mud Dogs (5-4-1) vs Mighty Meatballs (5-4-1) - tie rematch
PTP (4-6) vs Dragons (6-4)
Dead Beats (1-9) vs Notorious RVG (7-3)
Hit Squad (7-3) vs Rich & Creamy (8-2)
9 Fingers (5-5) vs Lizard Kings (6-4)
Ballbusters (6-4) vs BCB (3-7?)
EDITOR'S NOTE
Thursday night brings us the Jets and the Patriots live on NFL Network. Please remember those players in your lineup by then. Same deal as last week with the free agents, those guys are off limits once the game starts).
FA DEADLINE
Yes, it is here. It seems that the new FFA system was a raging success, and even one of its biggest proponents and fincanciers, Ballbusting Bob, committed the very type of abuse that he was tirading against (picking up a player off the free agent heap then dropping him a minute later when he realizes there was someone slightly better so he picks him up). What a hypocrite! But anyway, this is the last week to pick someone up. As of 12:55 pm on Sunday morning, your rosters are locked for the year! (except for the very cryptic kicker rule)
ROSTER DISCUSSIONS
So overall, what do you think of the free-for-all? Also do you think we should reduce rosters? Make the free agent deadline later, or don't have one at all? Stop by my house anytime to sit down and talk about these very issues, as that is what has been discussed at recent RC videoconferences.
LOOK FOR BALLOTS
The 2008 IFL Turkey of the Year ballots will be mailed to your house shortly. I am sending them via Certified Mail, so please make sure someone will be home when they arrive so they can sign for the package.
I think that is all for now.
Commissioner
Lovemore Endo, Esq.
*
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
IFL After 9 Weeks
East - What a jumbled mess. 4 teams are all within a half game, but the way things are looking league-wide, there might only be 1 playoff team to come from this division. As it stands now, Lizard Kings and Napalm Death are tied for 1st at 5-4, and those two teams play a huge game this week to unbreak the tie. (btw as of now, Devo owes me $20). ND won their first meeting, 142-87 back in Week 2. Then we have Mud Dogs and Mighty Meatballs tied at 4-4-1, but going in opposite directions. Dogs have lost 2 straight while Meat has won 2 in a row. Their big tiebreaker game is in Week 11. Should I even mention Razen Kanes, at 1-8?
Central - This is the division full of big swinging dicks. Notorious RVG leads the pack at 7-2 and he is the highest scoring team in the league. Just on his ass are Dragons and Ballbusters at 6-3. Their big games are Week 12 (Ballbusters vs RVG) and Week 13 (Ballbusters vs Dragons). At 3-6, Purple Throbbing Pens are looking pretty hopeless. But the biggest story of all, is Dead Beats, who are 0-9 and continuing their march toward history. I'm fairly certain that this is the first time anyone has ever started a season 0-9. This will definitely be the most compelling storyline as we wind down our IFL season. His final 4 opponents are - Ballbusters, RVG, Napalm Death, and PTP.
West - No team has been hotter than first-place Rich & Creamy Nougat at 7-2...they've won 7 in a row after starting 0-2. However, the games vs their division counterparts are must-win as their 2 losses have come against both teams who are on their heels. Hit Squad is a game back at 6-3, and the big rematch vs. RCN is coming up in Week 11. There is also $$$ on the line, as whoever wins the season series between these two teams wins $20. Then 2 games back is the enigmatic 9 Fingers at 5-4, who just lost to PTP after demolishing Hit Squad a week earlier. Shu does own a win over the Nougat (and they play again this week!), and 9F and Hit Squad split their season series. Bringing up the rear is B.C. Bombers at 3-6... not much of a chance here.
So to recap, we have
Congrats to the following $20 weekly winners -
Week 8 - 9 Fingers (170)
Week 9 - Hit Squad (131)
Week 10 Schedule -
ND (5-4) vs. Lizard Kings (5-4)
Razen Kanes (1-8) vs. Mud Dogs (4-4-1)
RVG (7-2) vs. PTP (3-6)
Dead Beats (0-9) vs. Ballbusters (6-3)
RCN (7-2) vs. 9 Fingers (5-4)
Meatballs (4-4-1) vs. BCB (3-6)
Dragons (6-3) vs. Hit Squad (6-3)
*
Central - This is the division full of big swinging dicks. Notorious RVG leads the pack at 7-2 and he is the highest scoring team in the league. Just on his ass are Dragons and Ballbusters at 6-3. Their big games are Week 12 (Ballbusters vs RVG) and Week 13 (Ballbusters vs Dragons). At 3-6, Purple Throbbing Pens are looking pretty hopeless. But the biggest story of all, is Dead Beats, who are 0-9 and continuing their march toward history. I'm fairly certain that this is the first time anyone has ever started a season 0-9. This will definitely be the most compelling storyline as we wind down our IFL season. His final 4 opponents are - Ballbusters, RVG, Napalm Death, and PTP.
West - No team has been hotter than first-place Rich & Creamy Nougat at 7-2...they've won 7 in a row after starting 0-2. However, the games vs their division counterparts are must-win as their 2 losses have come against both teams who are on their heels. Hit Squad is a game back at 6-3, and the big rematch vs. RCN is coming up in Week 11. There is also $$$ on the line, as whoever wins the season series between these two teams wins $20. Then 2 games back is the enigmatic 9 Fingers at 5-4, who just lost to PTP after demolishing Hit Squad a week earlier. Shu does own a win over the Nougat (and they play again this week!), and 9F and Hit Squad split their season series. Bringing up the rear is B.C. Bombers at 3-6... not much of a chance here.
So to recap, we have
- 2 division leaders at 7-2 (RVG & RCN)
- a 3-team group at 6-3 (Dragons, Ballbusters, Hit Squad), which would currently comprise the Wild Card teams
- Then at 5-4, we have 2 teams tied for their division lead (Lizard Kings & ND), as well as a 5-4 team outside of first place (9 Fingers).
- the two 4-4-1 teams (Meatballs and Mud Dogs), only 1/2 game out of 1st.
- Anyone after that is 3-6 and lower (PTP, BCB, Kanes, Dead Beats).
Congrats to the following $20 weekly winners -
Week 8 - 9 Fingers (170)
Week 9 - Hit Squad (131)
Week 10 Schedule -
ND (5-4) vs. Lizard Kings (5-4)
Razen Kanes (1-8) vs. Mud Dogs (4-4-1)
RVG (7-2) vs. PTP (3-6)
Dead Beats (0-9) vs. Ballbusters (6-3)
RCN (7-2) vs. 9 Fingers (5-4)
Meatballs (4-4-1) vs. BCB (3-6)
Dragons (6-3) vs. Hit Squad (6-3)
*
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Week 7 Results
Napalm Death 124, 9 Fingers 108
- Chris Johnson's 36 keys the big win for ND.
Notorious RVG 137, Mighty Meatballs 121
- Meatballs' Manning (7) = busto. RVG's Calvin Johnson (36) = monster.
Purple Throbbing Pens 138, Razen Kanes 100
- It was the week of scrub RBs - PTP's Mewelde Moore puts up 41!!! Congrats to Tone for cracking the century mark.
Mud Dogs 138, Dragons 118
- Wo gets 45 out of LenDale White and still loses. I apologize for everything bad I said about that trade (KWarner-for-LWhite).
Lizard Kings 91, BC Bombers 65
- Way to go Johnny. 13th highest score of the week has to be worth something, right?
Hit Squad 122, Dead Beats 115
- This one hurts. Beats were down 4 heading into MNF, with Cutler vs. Hit Squad's Gostkowski. Egh.
Rich & Creamy Nougat 115, Ballbusters 104
- I have to share this story (Bob loves it). At 12 noon I take D Bowe out of my lineup and put D Rhodes in. Rhodes was worth 27, Bowe worth 15. I win by 11. If it wasn't for luck I'd have 15 IFL titles now.
Congrats to Mike P's Mud Dogs and Mike B's PTP, you share the $20 for this week with 138 pts, and RVG was a ballhair away from winning $6.66.
Who won the previous weekly $20s, you ask?
Week 1: Ballbusters (169)
Week 2: 9 Fingers (170)
Week 3: BC Bombers (142)
Week 4: Dragons (158)
Week 5: Ballbusters (138)
Week 6: Notorious RVG (150)
This leaves us with a huge pile-up of FIVE teams leading the IFL at 5-2, including 3 in the Central (RVG, Ballbusters, Dragons) and 2 in the West (Rich & Creamy and Hit Squad).
Then we have one dope at 4-2-1 (Mud Dogs), and three other teams at 4-3 (9 Fingers, Lizard Kings, Napalm Death).
And Dead Beats are hot on the trail of perfection, at 0-7.
Should be an interesting final 6 weeks.
*
- Chris Johnson's 36 keys the big win for ND.
Notorious RVG 137, Mighty Meatballs 121
- Meatballs' Manning (7) = busto. RVG's Calvin Johnson (36) = monster.
Purple Throbbing Pens 138, Razen Kanes 100
- It was the week of scrub RBs - PTP's Mewelde Moore puts up 41!!! Congrats to Tone for cracking the century mark.
Mud Dogs 138, Dragons 118
- Wo gets 45 out of LenDale White and still loses. I apologize for everything bad I said about that trade (KWarner-for-LWhite).
Lizard Kings 91, BC Bombers 65
- Way to go Johnny. 13th highest score of the week has to be worth something, right?
Hit Squad 122, Dead Beats 115
- This one hurts. Beats were down 4 heading into MNF, with Cutler vs. Hit Squad's Gostkowski. Egh.
Rich & Creamy Nougat 115, Ballbusters 104
- I have to share this story (Bob loves it). At 12 noon I take D Bowe out of my lineup and put D Rhodes in. Rhodes was worth 27, Bowe worth 15. I win by 11. If it wasn't for luck I'd have 15 IFL titles now.
Congrats to Mike P's Mud Dogs and Mike B's PTP, you share the $20 for this week with 138 pts, and RVG was a ballhair away from winning $6.66.
Who won the previous weekly $20s, you ask?
Week 1: Ballbusters (169)
Week 2: 9 Fingers (170)
Week 3: BC Bombers (142)
Week 4: Dragons (158)
Week 5: Ballbusters (138)
Week 6: Notorious RVG (150)
This leaves us with a huge pile-up of FIVE teams leading the IFL at 5-2, including 3 in the Central (RVG, Ballbusters, Dragons) and 2 in the West (Rich & Creamy and Hit Squad).
Then we have one dope at 4-2-1 (Mud Dogs), and three other teams at 4-3 (9 Fingers, Lizard Kings, Napalm Death).
And Dead Beats are hot on the trail of perfection, at 0-7.
Should be an interesting final 6 weeks.
*
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
IFL After 6 - and other nonsense
After the first half of divisional play is complete, let's take a quick look at the division races.
In the East, we have 4 teams within a game of each other. Unfortunately Mud Dogs are at the top, at a laughable 3-2-1. I can't believe this guy is still running hot. Lizard Kings and Napalm Death are each 1/2 game back at 3-3, although ND won head-to-head with a 142-87 flogging of Johnny in Week 2. Mighty Meatballs are in 4th place, 1 GB at 2-3-1, the other half of that ridiculous tie with Mike P. And driving the caboose is the great Razen Kanes at 1-5, whose epic failure of a season can't end soon enough.
In the high-powered Central, we have 3 of the 4 highest scoring teams in the IFL leading the pack. Ballbusters and Dragons are tied for 1st, with the best record in the IFL at 5-1. Dragons breathed a lethal combination of fire and halitosis on Ballbusters, winning the head-to-head matchup in Week 2, 115-86 (they next meet in Week 13). Wo is also riding a 5-game win streak. A game behind those two ass pirates is the Notorious RVG, highest scoring team in the league, although he is 4-2. He handed Dragons their only defeat in Week 1. Then we have the weakerthans, starting with 1-5 Purple Throbbing Pens. After such a promising start (beating Dead Beats in Wk 1), they've dropped 5 straight. Dead Beats remain as our only winless team. Although I'll give him some credit for being more unlucky than horrible (where as PTP has been outright horrible). Beats lost their first four games by 7, 1, 3, and 2 points. Ouch.
Out West, it's a triumverade of blubber, body odor, and big noses. Hit Squad, 9 Fingers, and Rich & Creamy Nougat all sit at 4-2. RCN's 2 losses are to the other teams he's tied with, which puts him in a precarious tiebreak position. And Hit Squad did beat Shu, and he is 3-0 in the division. Nice work, assbag. The worst part about this is - Hit Squad is the 3rd lowest scoring team in the entire IFL! What a dick! Then we have THE lowest scoring team in the league, in last place at 2-4, none other than Bucks County Bombers. God damn disgrace. Their 2-4 record is fraudulent, but they did get their comeuppance from their West counterparts, as they are 0-3 in the division.
POINTS PER GAME RANKINGS (sponsored by Texas Instruments calculators)
1) Notorious RVG 131.5
2) 9 Fingers 131.3
3) Ballbusters 127.8
4) Dragons 127.3
5) R&C Nougat 126.0
6) Mud Dogs 122.8
7) Lizard Kings 121.8
8) Napalm Death 113.7
9) PTPens 112.5
10) Dead Beats 112.0
11) Mighty Meat 111.3
12) Hit Squad 104.7
13) Razen Kanes 92.3
14) BC Bombers 92.0
suckle gently upon the WEEK 7 SCHEDULE, sponosored by Playtex Bras
It's interdivisonal play week, and this year, the theme is tits.
9 Fingers aka 9 Funbags (4-2) vs. Napalm Death aka Nipple Death (3-3)
- average breast (cup) size of owners - firm C
Mighty Meatballs aka Mighty Milkbags (2-3-1) vs. Notorious RVG aka Fundubulous DDD (4-2)
- average cup size of owners - supple C
Purple Throbbing Pens aka Purple Throbbing Areolas (1-5) vs. Razen Kanes aka Razen Kans (1-5)
- average breast size of owners - pointy A
Mud Dogs aka Mud Puppies (3-2-1) vs. Dragons aka Wo Whoppers (5-1)
- average boob size - concave A
B.C. Bombers aka B.C. Boobies (2-4) vs. Lizard Kings aka Lactating Kings (3-3)
- average bust size - a surprisingly nice B cup, pushed up
Dead Beats aka 38DDead Teats (0-6) vs. Hit Squad aka Tit Squad (4-2)
- average can size - DDD, they look like a couple of bowling pins
Game of the Week - Rich & Creamy Nougat aka Rich & Creamy Knockers (4-2) vs. Ballbusters aka Bra-busters (5-1). Average jug size - sloppy D.
Predicted winners - Funbags over Nipples, DDDs over Milkbags, Areolas over Kans, Whoppers over Puppies, Lactation over Boobies, Teats over Tits, and Knockers over Bras.
COMMUNITY BULLETIN
Meatball is having a Halloween Party the night of World Series Game 3. Come dressed as a woman and get fingerbanged by Meat's horny friends. Also, his place is right near Frankford and Cottman so if the Phils win the party will spill out into the streets of Mayfair!
Wo is selling his old piece of shit car, please email him or send a message via IFL message board with any offers.
Good luck this week and peace and love, peace and love.
oh, and GO PHILS
In the East, we have 4 teams within a game of each other. Unfortunately Mud Dogs are at the top, at a laughable 3-2-1. I can't believe this guy is still running hot. Lizard Kings and Napalm Death are each 1/2 game back at 3-3, although ND won head-to-head with a 142-87 flogging of Johnny in Week 2. Mighty Meatballs are in 4th place, 1 GB at 2-3-1, the other half of that ridiculous tie with Mike P. And driving the caboose is the great Razen Kanes at 1-5, whose epic failure of a season can't end soon enough.
In the high-powered Central, we have 3 of the 4 highest scoring teams in the IFL leading the pack. Ballbusters and Dragons are tied for 1st, with the best record in the IFL at 5-1. Dragons breathed a lethal combination of fire and halitosis on Ballbusters, winning the head-to-head matchup in Week 2, 115-86 (they next meet in Week 13). Wo is also riding a 5-game win streak. A game behind those two ass pirates is the Notorious RVG, highest scoring team in the league, although he is 4-2. He handed Dragons their only defeat in Week 1. Then we have the weakerthans, starting with 1-5 Purple Throbbing Pens. After such a promising start (beating Dead Beats in Wk 1), they've dropped 5 straight. Dead Beats remain as our only winless team. Although I'll give him some credit for being more unlucky than horrible (where as PTP has been outright horrible). Beats lost their first four games by 7, 1, 3, and 2 points. Ouch.
Out West, it's a triumverade of blubber, body odor, and big noses. Hit Squad, 9 Fingers, and Rich & Creamy Nougat all sit at 4-2. RCN's 2 losses are to the other teams he's tied with, which puts him in a precarious tiebreak position. And Hit Squad did beat Shu, and he is 3-0 in the division. Nice work, assbag. The worst part about this is - Hit Squad is the 3rd lowest scoring team in the entire IFL! What a dick! Then we have THE lowest scoring team in the league, in last place at 2-4, none other than Bucks County Bombers. God damn disgrace. Their 2-4 record is fraudulent, but they did get their comeuppance from their West counterparts, as they are 0-3 in the division.
POINTS PER GAME RANKINGS (sponsored by Texas Instruments calculators)
1) Notorious RVG 131.5
2) 9 Fingers 131.3
3) Ballbusters 127.8
4) Dragons 127.3
5) R&C Nougat 126.0
6) Mud Dogs 122.8
7) Lizard Kings 121.8
8) Napalm Death 113.7
9) PTPens 112.5
10) Dead Beats 112.0
11) Mighty Meat 111.3
12) Hit Squad 104.7
13) Razen Kanes 92.3
14) BC Bombers 92.0
suckle gently upon the WEEK 7 SCHEDULE, sponosored by Playtex Bras
It's interdivisonal play week, and this year, the theme is tits.
9 Fingers aka 9 Funbags (4-2) vs. Napalm Death aka Nipple Death (3-3)
- average breast (cup) size of owners - firm C
Mighty Meatballs aka Mighty Milkbags (2-3-1) vs. Notorious RVG aka Fundubulous DDD (4-2)
- average cup size of owners - supple C
Purple Throbbing Pens aka Purple Throbbing Areolas (1-5) vs. Razen Kanes aka Razen Kans (1-5)
- average breast size of owners - pointy A
Mud Dogs aka Mud Puppies (3-2-1) vs. Dragons aka Wo Whoppers (5-1)
- average boob size - concave A
B.C. Bombers aka B.C. Boobies (2-4) vs. Lizard Kings aka Lactating Kings (3-3)
- average bust size - a surprisingly nice B cup, pushed up
Dead Beats aka 38DDead Teats (0-6) vs. Hit Squad aka Tit Squad (4-2)
- average can size - DDD, they look like a couple of bowling pins
Game of the Week - Rich & Creamy Nougat aka Rich & Creamy Knockers (4-2) vs. Ballbusters aka Bra-busters (5-1). Average jug size - sloppy D.
Predicted winners - Funbags over Nipples, DDDs over Milkbags, Areolas over Kans, Whoppers over Puppies, Lactation over Boobies, Teats over Tits, and Knockers over Bras.
COMMUNITY BULLETIN
Meatball is having a Halloween Party the night of World Series Game 3. Come dressed as a woman and get fingerbanged by Meat's horny friends. Also, his place is right near Frankford and Cottman so if the Phils win the party will spill out into the streets of Mayfair!
Wo is selling his old piece of shit car, please email him or send a message via IFL message board with any offers.
Good luck this week and peace and love, peace and love.
oh, and GO PHILS
Monday, October 13, 2008
Week 6 Monday Night Macaroons
Tons of fun, with all the exciting finishes in the NFL yesterday. Let's see if the IFL can match it, with 3 games dangling in the balance. F the Phillies, I'll be watching the Giants-Browns game to see if I get my 12 out of Eli, Jacobs, and Edwards. Then once I win at like 8:45 hopefully the Phils will still be batting in the top of the 1st (2 outs, bases loaded for Werth....)
These games have implications:
Ballbusters 125, Hit Squad 100
(Ball has Giants D, Hit has Hixon?)
If Holland wins tonight, I will award him the Bifford K. Pocoroba Memorial GM of the Year award. In fact, I will walk to his house barefoot and present it to him. Ballbaggy had great games out of MBIII (45), Brees (39), and Crayton (23). Hit Squad rode Portis (32) and McNabb (24) to potential defeat. We'll see what happens tonight, I'll be watching this one closely, as I play Bob next week, and I play Holland in a few weeks with $10 on the line. Balls can be 5-1 and tied atop the Central (or tied w/ RVG at 4-2), Hit Squad will be 5-1 with a win and atop the West, or more likely possibly muddled in a 3-way orgy with Rich & Creamy & Shu (unless Shu screws the pooch tonight).
9 Fingers 127, Mighty Meatballs 119
(9F has Toomer, Meat has Carney)
Interesting. A WR vs a kicker. Not all is as it seems in the IFL however, and although Eli throwing TDs to Toomer will ultimately help my cause, I need Meats to win. But enough about my personal problems, Shu had 38 out of Rivers and 30 out of Wayne. Meatball had 37 out of Peyton (about time, ya dick) and 35 out of Berrian?!? Should be a good one, tune in tonight on ESPN, especially if the Phillies are getting blown out again. Shu needs the win to stay on the cusp of West supremacy, Meat can be tied for 1st in the East with a win at 3-2-1!
BC Bombers 100, Rich & Creamy Nougat 88
(RCN has Eli, Jacobs, and B Edwards)
Wow I almost won without 3 of my best players. I should take care of that tonight, barring any miracles by the lake. Gore (25) and Steve "Succulent" Breaston (29) were huge. Nothing like huge Breastoneseses. Man the jokes can go on forever. But they won't. Starting next week, with my big matchup vs. Ballbusters, it is ALL business. btw Chris T is vacationing in the rainforests of Costa Rica, so he probably just assumes he lost anyway. The Noug will go to 4-2 putting them in a likely 3-way tie atop the West, BCB falls to a putrid 2-4, good for last place. I should include this factoid - both teams were 0-2 in West division games heading into this tilt.
These games don't:
Napalm Death 106, Razen Kanes 90
FINAL
Tone Money can't catch a damn break. Edge worth only 2 and JTO'S worth only 6! He shoulda won, dammit! Tone's high scorer was the Vikings D, of course, with 22. As for Devo, this week's QB (Schaub) was worth 32, so a damn fine managerial decision, and that's coming from someone who makes a lot of great managerial decisions. Actually Schaub was his only active, starting QB this week, but let's give the man credit. Bush also put up 21 in a winning effort for ND. Napalm climbs to 3-3, Tone falls to 1-5. Tone basically needs to win 10 straight games and he'll be IFL Champion.
Lizard Kings 127, Mud Dogs 116
(LK has Plaxi-ass)
Whenever Mike P loses, I smile. But the problem is, whenever John E wins, a kitten dies. What a dilemma! In this case, it's not really a tough choice, as I'd microwave a cat every week if that meant Mud Dogs would go 0-13 (and that is coming from a fervant lover of pussy-cats). Buckhalter came up huge for Johnny with 30, so let's call him the Oscar Mayer Bologna player of the game. Andre Johnson led MD with 36. What does this all mean? Well Mud Dogs' faggy grip on the East loosens up (but he's still in 1st at a laughable 3-2-1), and Lizard Kings are 3-3. Oh, the crazy East!
Dragons 132, Purple Throbbing Pens 75
FINAL
Poor Mike B. 5 straight losses. One more and he's out of the league. As for Wo, it's a bittersweet symphony of TDs and gay sex, as Tony Homo puts up 49 but is out for a month with a broken pinky. Rumors say it snapped off inside TO's butt. Dragons are among the best in the league at 5-1 (tied atop the tough Central), while Mike B is one of the worst of all time in any sport, at 1-5.
RVG 150, Dead Beats 104
FINAL
Congratulations are in order to Dead Beats, not only as they celebrate 2 consecutive Jewish holidays, but they lost their 6th straight to open the 2008 IFL season. Not a terrible performance, as MJD put up 33, but dopes like J Porter (0.0) and Roy Williams (4) didn't help the cause any. RVG is on fire though, he's the highest scoring motherf-er in the league, and he's reportedly down to 135 lbs. as he prepares for the stretch run. Well-balanced attack for NotRVG, Rodgers (28), T Jones (28), a couple other solid guys as well who I don't feel like listing. Worth mentioning is that both kickers scored 20... Chaos' Josh Brown (20) and RVG's Elam (21). RVG even won that contest. He is now 4-2 and yet still a game behind the 2 clowns leading the Central. Dead Beats are 0-6 and I think that means they are in last.
*
These games have implications:
Ballbusters 125, Hit Squad 100
(Ball has Giants D, Hit has Hixon?)
If Holland wins tonight, I will award him the Bifford K. Pocoroba Memorial GM of the Year award. In fact, I will walk to his house barefoot and present it to him. Ballbaggy had great games out of MBIII (45), Brees (39), and Crayton (23). Hit Squad rode Portis (32) and McNabb (24) to potential defeat. We'll see what happens tonight, I'll be watching this one closely, as I play Bob next week, and I play Holland in a few weeks with $10 on the line. Balls can be 5-1 and tied atop the Central (or tied w/ RVG at 4-2), Hit Squad will be 5-1 with a win and atop the West, or more likely possibly muddled in a 3-way orgy with Rich & Creamy & Shu (unless Shu screws the pooch tonight).
9 Fingers 127, Mighty Meatballs 119
(9F has Toomer, Meat has Carney)
Interesting. A WR vs a kicker. Not all is as it seems in the IFL however, and although Eli throwing TDs to Toomer will ultimately help my cause, I need Meats to win. But enough about my personal problems, Shu had 38 out of Rivers and 30 out of Wayne. Meatball had 37 out of Peyton (about time, ya dick) and 35 out of Berrian?!? Should be a good one, tune in tonight on ESPN, especially if the Phillies are getting blown out again. Shu needs the win to stay on the cusp of West supremacy, Meat can be tied for 1st in the East with a win at 3-2-1!
BC Bombers 100, Rich & Creamy Nougat 88
(RCN has Eli, Jacobs, and B Edwards)
Wow I almost won without 3 of my best players. I should take care of that tonight, barring any miracles by the lake. Gore (25) and Steve "Succulent" Breaston (29) were huge. Nothing like huge Breastoneseses. Man the jokes can go on forever. But they won't. Starting next week, with my big matchup vs. Ballbusters, it is ALL business. btw Chris T is vacationing in the rainforests of Costa Rica, so he probably just assumes he lost anyway. The Noug will go to 4-2 putting them in a likely 3-way tie atop the West, BCB falls to a putrid 2-4, good for last place. I should include this factoid - both teams were 0-2 in West division games heading into this tilt.
These games don't:
Napalm Death 106, Razen Kanes 90
FINAL
Tone Money can't catch a damn break. Edge worth only 2 and JTO'S worth only 6! He shoulda won, dammit! Tone's high scorer was the Vikings D, of course, with 22. As for Devo, this week's QB (Schaub) was worth 32, so a damn fine managerial decision, and that's coming from someone who makes a lot of great managerial decisions. Actually Schaub was his only active, starting QB this week, but let's give the man credit. Bush also put up 21 in a winning effort for ND. Napalm climbs to 3-3, Tone falls to 1-5. Tone basically needs to win 10 straight games and he'll be IFL Champion.
Lizard Kings 127, Mud Dogs 116
(LK has Plaxi-ass)
Whenever Mike P loses, I smile. But the problem is, whenever John E wins, a kitten dies. What a dilemma! In this case, it's not really a tough choice, as I'd microwave a cat every week if that meant Mud Dogs would go 0-13 (and that is coming from a fervant lover of pussy-cats). Buckhalter came up huge for Johnny with 30, so let's call him the Oscar Mayer Bologna player of the game. Andre Johnson led MD with 36. What does this all mean? Well Mud Dogs' faggy grip on the East loosens up (but he's still in 1st at a laughable 3-2-1), and Lizard Kings are 3-3. Oh, the crazy East!
Dragons 132, Purple Throbbing Pens 75
FINAL
Poor Mike B. 5 straight losses. One more and he's out of the league. As for Wo, it's a bittersweet symphony of TDs and gay sex, as Tony Homo puts up 49 but is out for a month with a broken pinky. Rumors say it snapped off inside TO's butt. Dragons are among the best in the league at 5-1 (tied atop the tough Central), while Mike B is one of the worst of all time in any sport, at 1-5.
RVG 150, Dead Beats 104
FINAL
Congratulations are in order to Dead Beats, not only as they celebrate 2 consecutive Jewish holidays, but they lost their 6th straight to open the 2008 IFL season. Not a terrible performance, as MJD put up 33, but dopes like J Porter (0.0) and Roy Williams (4) didn't help the cause any. RVG is on fire though, he's the highest scoring motherf-er in the league, and he's reportedly down to 135 lbs. as he prepares for the stretch run. Well-balanced attack for NotRVG, Rodgers (28), T Jones (28), a couple other solid guys as well who I don't feel like listing. Worth mentioning is that both kickers scored 20... Chaos' Josh Brown (20) and RVG's Elam (21). RVG even won that contest. He is now 4-2 and yet still a game behind the 2 clowns leading the Central. Dead Beats are 0-6 and I think that means they are in last.
*
Monday, October 06, 2008
Week 5 Monday Night Milwaukee's Best
Ah the sweet smell of champagne. I bet the Phils' clubhouse laundry guy is sucking the last drips of bubbly out of the underwear of all the players, getting loaded as we speak. It's a great time to be a Philly sports fan...if not for those Eagles...
Not a ton of drama this Monday night, but it could be a good NFL game, if you choose to watch it instead of Red Sox-Angels.
Here are 2 games which will likely be decided tonight...
Lizard Kings 96, Mighty Meatballs 85
(Meat has Berrian)
Berrian is questionable for tonight’s game, which is appropriate since Meatball is a questionable kind of guy. One thing is for sure, and that is that Johnny E has the Berrian voodoo doll sitting on his $15,000 mahogany desk, with pins inserted in all crevices. Meat also had another gem in his lineup, Miles Austin and his ostrich egg (0). So he could have 2 guys in his lineup with zeros. Not that anyone on his bench was worth a shit. The immortal Johnny had Kurtis Warner in there with 25 (which is kinda low considering the Cards scored 41). Meat did get a nice 33 out of his first round pick, Moss, but other than that, it was a bunch of tripe. Don’t be fooled though, if Berrian plays, this will be hugely dramatic. Meat is 1-2-1 and bordering on irrelevance (although his message board posting last week was his greatest literary work of all time), while the Kings are looking to stay afloat at 2-2.
Notorious RVG 118, BC Bombers 91
(RVG has Wade; BCB has Deuce)
This one could be interesting, although Deuce has done little this year to show that he can put up 27 pts. BCB had huge games out of Roddy White (32) and Cooley (29), but literally nothing else. Larry Johnson, his 1st round pick… had 2 YARDS total yesterday. LOL. RVG had the gonads to start Rodgers and he was rewarded with a 36-bomb. Fitzgerald (24) and Forte (22) were also solid. What does this mean for both teams? Well they were both 2-2 coming into this game so figure it out yourselves. Holland, call me if you can’t figure out what 2+1 is.
These games are OVER, or pretty much over...
Rich & Creamy Nougat 127, Razen Kanes 57
(Kanes have L. Moore and Vikings D)
Look out IFL West elite, you have company. And that company comes in both rich and creamy forms, so take your pick (Holland already said he wants the creamy). Actually calling Holland 'elite' is quite a stretch, but once I depants him in our next meeting (Week 11), and even up my ledger with him, he will be be back amongst the lesser forms of IFL life. As for Tone Money, what did you expect? Last week was clearly an abberation, and the Kanes will continue to flounder. Barring a miracle, RCN will be 3-2 with their third straight W and Kanes will fall to 1-4. And don't you dare say there is any correlation whatsoever with my IFL record, and the amount I post on the Blog. It's just not true. I've been busy tending to my garden and doing yardwork.
Mud Dogs 119, Napalm Death 72
(MD has Peterson; ND has Bush)
The Peterson vs. Bush MNF matchup would have been great if this game wasn’t a complete blowout. And things are looking bleak for Devo. The stock market is tanking, Westbrook is hurt, and to top it off, his Chewbacca action figure fell off the shelf and his head popped off, the 2nd time this year one of his toys broke (if you recall the IFL draft). And Rosenfels over Big Ben? I don’t know much about fantasy, but to me that seems like a bad move. Speaking of the Texans, the Dogs got a stellar day out of Andre Johnson (33) and he had the foresight to start Chad Pennington (17) over Trent Edwards (0 – hurt). Mike P is a mad genius. And a dope at the same time, how weird. Kind of like how Shu is both a man and a woman at the same time. Mud Dogs will be 3-1-1, ND will be 2-3. Probably.
Dragons 122, Dead Beats 99
FINAL
Congrats to Wo, you’re 4-1. Romo (28) and AC Slaton (22) led the way. One of the most underreported IFL stories of the year (not that anyone was really reporting any IFL stories for a while) is that the Dead Beats front office is in Chaos, as they fall to 0-5. This once proud franchise had to sell off its 3 championship banners to pay the mortgage on their stadium. Pathetic. Wo co-rules the roost in Central IFL, while Dead Beats are living like those kids in Austria who were forced to live in the cellar by their sexual abusive grandfather.
Ballbusters 117, Purple Throbbing Pens 96
(Bob has Brees, PTP has D Henderson and Longwell)
Lee Evans (31) and Burner Turner (23) led the way for BallBob. Mike B fights valiantly but will probably lose, since his WR is on the same team as Bob's QB. Oops. More on this game tonight, at 2:30 am on Aunt Jemima Presents - IFL Matchup. BB goes to 4-1 with a win, PTP falls to 1-4 with a defeat.
Hit Squad 122, 9 Fingers 90
(HS has Meachem?)
Ah, the game of the week. Not much of a game, was it? Shu comes up miniscule when it counts. The goose egg by S Moss was especially surprising, and troublesome. I wonder if Moss will bitch about it to the media. Hit Squad had a huge game out of Portis (28) and pulled yet another big game out of his ass from a nobody WR, Dominik Hixon (26), who I’m told plays for the Giants. Never heard of him until now. And the guy he's starting tonight, Meachem? Who the hell is that? Where does he come up with these guys? But the bigger picture is that Holland leads the West at 4-1 and Shu falls into a 2nd place tie at 3-2. It’s getting interesting out West.
Not a ton of drama this Monday night, but it could be a good NFL game, if you choose to watch it instead of Red Sox-Angels.
Here are 2 games which will likely be decided tonight...
Lizard Kings 96, Mighty Meatballs 85
(Meat has Berrian)
Berrian is questionable for tonight’s game, which is appropriate since Meatball is a questionable kind of guy. One thing is for sure, and that is that Johnny E has the Berrian voodoo doll sitting on his $15,000 mahogany desk, with pins inserted in all crevices. Meat also had another gem in his lineup, Miles Austin and his ostrich egg (0). So he could have 2 guys in his lineup with zeros. Not that anyone on his bench was worth a shit. The immortal Johnny had Kurtis Warner in there with 25 (which is kinda low considering the Cards scored 41). Meat did get a nice 33 out of his first round pick, Moss, but other than that, it was a bunch of tripe. Don’t be fooled though, if Berrian plays, this will be hugely dramatic. Meat is 1-2-1 and bordering on irrelevance (although his message board posting last week was his greatest literary work of all time), while the Kings are looking to stay afloat at 2-2.
Notorious RVG 118, BC Bombers 91
(RVG has Wade; BCB has Deuce)
This one could be interesting, although Deuce has done little this year to show that he can put up 27 pts. BCB had huge games out of Roddy White (32) and Cooley (29), but literally nothing else. Larry Johnson, his 1st round pick… had 2 YARDS total yesterday. LOL. RVG had the gonads to start Rodgers and he was rewarded with a 36-bomb. Fitzgerald (24) and Forte (22) were also solid. What does this mean for both teams? Well they were both 2-2 coming into this game so figure it out yourselves. Holland, call me if you can’t figure out what 2+1 is.
These games are OVER, or pretty much over...
Rich & Creamy Nougat 127, Razen Kanes 57
(Kanes have L. Moore and Vikings D)
Look out IFL West elite, you have company. And that company comes in both rich and creamy forms, so take your pick (Holland already said he wants the creamy). Actually calling Holland 'elite' is quite a stretch, but once I depants him in our next meeting (Week 11), and even up my ledger with him, he will be be back amongst the lesser forms of IFL life. As for Tone Money, what did you expect? Last week was clearly an abberation, and the Kanes will continue to flounder. Barring a miracle, RCN will be 3-2 with their third straight W and Kanes will fall to 1-4. And don't you dare say there is any correlation whatsoever with my IFL record, and the amount I post on the Blog. It's just not true. I've been busy tending to my garden and doing yardwork.
Mud Dogs 119, Napalm Death 72
(MD has Peterson; ND has Bush)
The Peterson vs. Bush MNF matchup would have been great if this game wasn’t a complete blowout. And things are looking bleak for Devo. The stock market is tanking, Westbrook is hurt, and to top it off, his Chewbacca action figure fell off the shelf and his head popped off, the 2nd time this year one of his toys broke (if you recall the IFL draft). And Rosenfels over Big Ben? I don’t know much about fantasy, but to me that seems like a bad move. Speaking of the Texans, the Dogs got a stellar day out of Andre Johnson (33) and he had the foresight to start Chad Pennington (17) over Trent Edwards (0 – hurt). Mike P is a mad genius. And a dope at the same time, how weird. Kind of like how Shu is both a man and a woman at the same time. Mud Dogs will be 3-1-1, ND will be 2-3. Probably.
Dragons 122, Dead Beats 99
FINAL
Congrats to Wo, you’re 4-1. Romo (28) and AC Slaton (22) led the way. One of the most underreported IFL stories of the year (not that anyone was really reporting any IFL stories for a while) is that the Dead Beats front office is in Chaos, as they fall to 0-5. This once proud franchise had to sell off its 3 championship banners to pay the mortgage on their stadium. Pathetic. Wo co-rules the roost in Central IFL, while Dead Beats are living like those kids in Austria who were forced to live in the cellar by their sexual abusive grandfather.
Ballbusters 117, Purple Throbbing Pens 96
(Bob has Brees, PTP has D Henderson and Longwell)
Lee Evans (31) and Burner Turner (23) led the way for BallBob. Mike B fights valiantly but will probably lose, since his WR is on the same team as Bob's QB. Oops. More on this game tonight, at 2:30 am on Aunt Jemima Presents - IFL Matchup. BB goes to 4-1 with a win, PTP falls to 1-4 with a defeat.
Hit Squad 122, 9 Fingers 90
(HS has Meachem?)
Ah, the game of the week. Not much of a game, was it? Shu comes up miniscule when it counts. The goose egg by S Moss was especially surprising, and troublesome. I wonder if Moss will bitch about it to the media. Hit Squad had a huge game out of Portis (28) and pulled yet another big game out of his ass from a nobody WR, Dominik Hixon (26), who I’m told plays for the Giants. Never heard of him until now. And the guy he's starting tonight, Meachem? Who the hell is that? Where does he come up with these guys? But the bigger picture is that Holland leads the West at 4-1 and Shu falls into a 2nd place tie at 3-2. It’s getting interesting out West.
Friday, October 03, 2008
Week 5 Schedule!
- Mud Dogs (2-1-1) vs Napalm Death (2-2) - looking to add some clarity to the muddled East, Devo for the love of god please beat Pisco.
- Lizard Kings (2-2) vs Mighty Meatballs (1-2-1) - lower-profile East game, but should be highly entertaining nonetheless, both guys usually are.
- Dead Beats (0-4) vs Dragons (3-1) - winless sap (Chaos) faces Central co-leader and last week's $20 winner (which was directly deposited into his 401k).
- Purple Throbbing Pens (1-3) vs Ballbusters (3-1) - the ultimate Schlong vs. Balls matchup. Tough luck PTP hopes to get off the Snyde.
- Razen Kanes (1-3) vs Rich & Creamy Nougat (2-2) - Tone coming off a huge upset over Hols. Nougat rising from the dead. The ultimate chocolate and vanilla swirly game of the week.
- BC Bombers (2-2) vs Notorious RVG (2-2) - Chris T averaging 135 in his last 2 after putting up a combined 89 in his first 2. RVG is down to 155 lbs. Something must give.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
new NFL logos - ESPN.com article
This is pretty funny. That new Patriots' logo might as well be for Mud Dogs, and the Rams' new logo is fitting for the BC Bombers.
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=snibbe/080910
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http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=snibbe/080910
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Tuesday, September 09, 2008
Week 1 Results & other crap
Napalm Death 143, Mighty Meatballs 82
Mud Dogs 128, Razen Kanes 61
Notorious RVG 136, Dragons 129
PTP 98, Dead Beats 90
Hit Squad 139, Rich & Creamy Nougat 107
9 Fingers 129, BC Bombers 35
Ballbusters 169, Lizard Kings 117
Week 2 Schedule
Lizard Kings @ Napalm Death
Razen Kanes @ Mighty Meatballs
Dragons @ Ballbusters
PTP @ RVG
BCB @ Hit Squad
9 Fingers @ RCN
Mud Dogs @ Dead Beats
Free Agent Order
1. BCB
2. Kanes
3. Meat
4. Beats
5. Nougat
6. Lizard
7. Dragon
8. PTP
9. Mud
10. Fingers
11. Not RVG
12. Squad
13. Death
14. Busters
If you haven't heard, we've made somewhat of a change to our pickups. We like to call it an "enhancement", similar to the male enhancement surgery I am scheduled for on Sept. 19. The first wave of pickups are done the same as always...due late Thursday night, worst-to-first, etc. But the enhancement comes afterwards...in the form of free-for-all pickups, of anyone who wasn't picked up Thursday night. You can simply go in to the Add/Drop page and make your pickup. The deadline for these pickups is 12 noon on Sunday.
As always, there is a disclaimer...since we have no means to test this out, there could be some trial and error. Let's all hope this goes according to plan and there are no problems.
Mud Dogs 128, Razen Kanes 61
Notorious RVG 136, Dragons 129
PTP 98, Dead Beats 90
Hit Squad 139, Rich & Creamy Nougat 107
9 Fingers 129, BC Bombers 35
Ballbusters 169, Lizard Kings 117
Week 2 Schedule
Lizard Kings @ Napalm Death
Razen Kanes @ Mighty Meatballs
Dragons @ Ballbusters
PTP @ RVG
BCB @ Hit Squad
9 Fingers @ RCN
Mud Dogs @ Dead Beats
Free Agent Order
1. BCB
2. Kanes
3. Meat
4. Beats
5. Nougat
6. Lizard
7. Dragon
8. PTP
9. Mud
10. Fingers
11. Not RVG
12. Squad
13. Death
14. Busters
If you haven't heard, we've made somewhat of a change to our pickups. We like to call it an "enhancement", similar to the male enhancement surgery I am scheduled for on Sept. 19. The first wave of pickups are done the same as always...due late Thursday night, worst-to-first, etc. But the enhancement comes afterwards...in the form of free-for-all pickups, of anyone who wasn't picked up Thursday night. You can simply go in to the Add/Drop page and make your pickup. The deadline for these pickups is 12 noon on Sunday.
As always, there is a disclaimer...since we have no means to test this out, there could be some trial and error. Let's all hope this goes according to plan and there are no problems.
The Lowest in Low
Not a good night for the Biffster. I'm going 0-3 in my picks (what was I thinking...the Raiders BLOW), my fantasy team lost to Holland, and Nate Burleson is out for the year. It's not as bad as Tone Money's Brady injury, as I can plug in another great player, such as Dwayne Bowe. Things can only get better.
Monday, September 08, 2008
Week 1 Monday Night Mango Madness
Ahhh Week 1. It was great to be back, wasn't it? Yesterday had a little bit of everything, I got drunk, big win for the Birds (which I would have loved to enjoy), Phils big win in the afternoon, I had a nice day with the bookie. Like I said, ahhhhh. Of course, I was so focused on the games and my drinking that I forgot to live blog. But really, who gives a frog's fat one. You saw me in the chat and I gave my 2 cents there (thank god that is back btw, I couldn't live without words of wisdom from Mike B or Mike P during the games!).
Now, on to serious business. The IFL games and tonight's MNF doubleheader's impact on them. It's Vikings-Pack at the extremely inconvenient time of 7pm, followed by Broncos-Raiders at the even more ballbreaking time of 10pm. Thanks to DVR, I'll probably catch the Vikes game, but I can almost guarantee I'll be sawing logs by halftime of the AFC West suckfest.
But so much for IFL drama. Only two games hang in the balance, like a hairy mole hanging from the skin of Holland's scrotum, flapping in the wind.
Dragons 129, Notorious RVG 113
(RVG has Rodgers)
Well-balanced effort by Wo-Man, who got to see all the games via his Sony Watchman from Section B, Pew 17, Seat 1 from St. Johnny's Church in Central New Jersey. Romo/TO (25/19) was as advertised (I highly recommended Wo pick those 2), and Cotchery had a solid game as well (23). Must be the new QB. RVG had an outstanding performance from Fast Willie (36), who seemingly slipped everyone's subconscious as we prepared for the draft. Calvin Johnson was dope too (22), as was Thomas Jones (24) - another guy cast off as a has-been. All the lightweight RVG needs now is 17 out of Rodgers and this scrap heap will be 1-0.
PTP 98, Dead Beats 55
(DB has Cutler and Selvin Young)
Hines Ward (25) was the only player of note in this game, for PTP. The most disturbing part about this game was that we were subject to Mike B's rants on anything other than football, ranging from his electrical shortcomings to Division III football. Dude, no one cares. Oklahoma is 2-0 and sure to be rising to #1 once all these fraud teams falter. That's all you need to care about. As for this game... who cares. Let's hope Cutler throws a 90-yarder to Selvin in the 1st quarter so everyone can get to bed at a reasonable hour.
As for the rest. Hope you had as much fun watching them, as I did writing about them, which was zero.
Hit Squad 123, Rich & Creamy Nougat 94
(HS has R. Grant and Driver) (Nougat has Packers DEF)
According to Sportsline, only 2% of fantasy teams own Hank Baskett, and 1% started him. Ladies and gentleman, meet a man who is in the first percentile of fantasy brilliance, Mike Holland. I've lost many fantasy games over the years, but this one is an all-time kick in the sack. McNabb's 47, I could live with. Baskett's 29, not so much. No one else really did anything for Hit Squad, other than Harrison's 13. And we'll see about tonight, before we crown his ass as the greatest owner of all time. As for the Nougat, not a terrible performance, but not great. Eli put up 14 on Thursday, that might be all we can expect out of him on your average week. Gore put up his usual 25, and Jacobs looked great in an 18-point performance on Thurs. Braylon Edwards has more drops than he had points (3), and he will be meeting with me in my office Tuesday morning, and it won't be a pleasant conversation.
Napalm Death 143, Mighty Meatballs 76
(Meat has McFadden)
Dubious start for the Mighty Mini, as his 1st 2 round picks lived up to their billing, but no one else showed up. Moss has 26 and Manning 18. Although the news of Brady's injury does not bode well for Moss in the short term. Let's see who the Pats replace Brady with. Napalm had huge days out of Bush (35 - and again, I must ask where that was last year) and the freakin Cards D (27). Other superstars for SuperDevo were B-West (23), Chris Johnson (21), and Big Ben (17). The team to beat in the IFL this year? Maybe. Especially since he got a new hyperbaric chamber to watch the games in on Sundays, maximizing his oxygen intake. I can't wait to sneak in there and bust ass one day, so he can breathe that in for 7 straight hours.
Mud Dogs 94, Razen Kanes 50
(MD has Peterson and S. Rice) (Kanes have R. Curry and Vikings DEF)
Brady, out for the year? Man, I had championship aspirations for Tone Money! I guess he'll have to rely on Brodie Croyle...oh wait, he's hurt too. Maybe Mike P can lend him a QB, as he has 3 future Hall of Famers... Favre (25), Pennington (22), and Trent Edwards (16). Andre Johnson also had a nice game for Mud Dogs. Edge (15) and the kicker (11) were the only ones in double digits for Tone.
9 Fingers 115, BC Bombers 29
(9F has Jennings) (BCB has J. Walker and Crosby)
Wow. Not one player on BCB with double digits. All that time Chris T spent on pondering his wonderful picks...that's 2 1/2 hours of my life I want back. I could have been doing something productive. Congrats to Shu though, he had some solids - Kitna (23), Wayne (24), and his 2 starting RBs, Lynch and K Smith each pitched in 18.
Ballbusters 169, Lizard Kings 106
(LK has Darrell Jackson?)
Whoa, Bob... easy. It's only Week 1, no need to shoot such big loads. Burner Turner was the breakout star of yesterday (46) and Brees was stellar with 44. As for Lizard Kings...seriously, John? Darrell Jackson? Unless he pulls a Baskett, you're looking at another 2-win season, pal. He did have a great night out of Plaxico (28) last Thursday, but that seems like eons ago. Kings will suffer their first loss of many this season.
Now, on to serious business. The IFL games and tonight's MNF doubleheader's impact on them. It's Vikings-Pack at the extremely inconvenient time of 7pm, followed by Broncos-Raiders at the even more ballbreaking time of 10pm. Thanks to DVR, I'll probably catch the Vikes game, but I can almost guarantee I'll be sawing logs by halftime of the AFC West suckfest.
But so much for IFL drama. Only two games hang in the balance, like a hairy mole hanging from the skin of Holland's scrotum, flapping in the wind.
Dragons 129, Notorious RVG 113
(RVG has Rodgers)
Well-balanced effort by Wo-Man, who got to see all the games via his Sony Watchman from Section B, Pew 17, Seat 1 from St. Johnny's Church in Central New Jersey. Romo/TO (25/19) was as advertised (I highly recommended Wo pick those 2), and Cotchery had a solid game as well (23). Must be the new QB. RVG had an outstanding performance from Fast Willie (36), who seemingly slipped everyone's subconscious as we prepared for the draft. Calvin Johnson was dope too (22), as was Thomas Jones (24) - another guy cast off as a has-been. All the lightweight RVG needs now is 17 out of Rodgers and this scrap heap will be 1-0.
PTP 98, Dead Beats 55
(DB has Cutler and Selvin Young)
Hines Ward (25) was the only player of note in this game, for PTP. The most disturbing part about this game was that we were subject to Mike B's rants on anything other than football, ranging from his electrical shortcomings to Division III football. Dude, no one cares. Oklahoma is 2-0 and sure to be rising to #1 once all these fraud teams falter. That's all you need to care about. As for this game... who cares. Let's hope Cutler throws a 90-yarder to Selvin in the 1st quarter so everyone can get to bed at a reasonable hour.
As for the rest. Hope you had as much fun watching them, as I did writing about them, which was zero.
Hit Squad 123, Rich & Creamy Nougat 94
(HS has R. Grant and Driver) (Nougat has Packers DEF)
According to Sportsline, only 2% of fantasy teams own Hank Baskett, and 1% started him. Ladies and gentleman, meet a man who is in the first percentile of fantasy brilliance, Mike Holland. I've lost many fantasy games over the years, but this one is an all-time kick in the sack. McNabb's 47, I could live with. Baskett's 29, not so much. No one else really did anything for Hit Squad, other than Harrison's 13. And we'll see about tonight, before we crown his ass as the greatest owner of all time. As for the Nougat, not a terrible performance, but not great. Eli put up 14 on Thursday, that might be all we can expect out of him on your average week. Gore put up his usual 25, and Jacobs looked great in an 18-point performance on Thurs. Braylon Edwards has more drops than he had points (3), and he will be meeting with me in my office Tuesday morning, and it won't be a pleasant conversation.
Napalm Death 143, Mighty Meatballs 76
(Meat has McFadden)
Dubious start for the Mighty Mini, as his 1st 2 round picks lived up to their billing, but no one else showed up. Moss has 26 and Manning 18. Although the news of Brady's injury does not bode well for Moss in the short term. Let's see who the Pats replace Brady with. Napalm had huge days out of Bush (35 - and again, I must ask where that was last year) and the freakin Cards D (27). Other superstars for SuperDevo were B-West (23), Chris Johnson (21), and Big Ben (17). The team to beat in the IFL this year? Maybe. Especially since he got a new hyperbaric chamber to watch the games in on Sundays, maximizing his oxygen intake. I can't wait to sneak in there and bust ass one day, so he can breathe that in for 7 straight hours.
Mud Dogs 94, Razen Kanes 50
(MD has Peterson and S. Rice) (Kanes have R. Curry and Vikings DEF)
Brady, out for the year? Man, I had championship aspirations for Tone Money! I guess he'll have to rely on Brodie Croyle...oh wait, he's hurt too. Maybe Mike P can lend him a QB, as he has 3 future Hall of Famers... Favre (25), Pennington (22), and Trent Edwards (16). Andre Johnson also had a nice game for Mud Dogs. Edge (15) and the kicker (11) were the only ones in double digits for Tone.
9 Fingers 115, BC Bombers 29
(9F has Jennings) (BCB has J. Walker and Crosby)
Wow. Not one player on BCB with double digits. All that time Chris T spent on pondering his wonderful picks...that's 2 1/2 hours of my life I want back. I could have been doing something productive. Congrats to Shu though, he had some solids - Kitna (23), Wayne (24), and his 2 starting RBs, Lynch and K Smith each pitched in 18.
Ballbusters 169, Lizard Kings 106
(LK has Darrell Jackson?)
Whoa, Bob... easy. It's only Week 1, no need to shoot such big loads. Burner Turner was the breakout star of yesterday (46) and Brees was stellar with 44. As for Lizard Kings...seriously, John? Darrell Jackson? Unless he pulls a Baskett, you're looking at another 2-win season, pal. He did have a great night out of Plaxico (28) last Thursday, but that seems like eons ago. Kings will suffer their first loss of many this season.
Sunday, September 07, 2008
Sunday Service. Thanks be to God.
Good luck to everyone as we resume regular IFL Sundays. I hope you all enjoy yourselves, wherever you're watching the game. Keep in mind: we're all 0-0 right now. For some of you, this will be your best record all year.
Rumor has it Wo-Man will not be watching the Eagles game live, as he will be at a baptism. My goodness. All I have to say is...God would not want you to miss football on Sunday. Parents - you have 22 or so Sundays per year which are off limits. Plan accordingly.
I might be on here live blogging during the 1:00 games, as well as talking trash in the chat room on our website.
Go Birds
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Rumor has it Wo-Man will not be watching the Eagles game live, as he will be at a baptism. My goodness. All I have to say is...God would not want you to miss football on Sunday. Parents - you have 22 or so Sundays per year which are off limits. Plan accordingly.
I might be on here live blogging during the 1:00 games, as well as talking trash in the chat room on our website.
Go Birds
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Thursday, September 04, 2008
Former 9-time Razen Kanes 1st rounder retires
Culpepper retires under unusual circumstances; Tone Money will wear a patch on all his dress shirts, honoring his favorite player when he goes out to the clubs.
http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=3569109
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http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=3569109
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Wednesday, September 03, 2008
Thursday Night Lights - The NFL/IFL kicks off
It's the hated Redskins vs the despised Giants, Thursday night to kick off the 2008 football season. Kickoff is at an inconvenient 7:00 PM. Giants are -4 in this game played in the great state of New Jersey. Sounds low for the Super Bowl champs? maybe...
Let us take a look at this NFL Opening game's impact on the IFL.
LEGALIZED GAMBLING
I made 2 prop bets at the Draft, if you haven't heard, here's what they are:
vs. Devo - who will win more regular season games - my RCN or his Napalm Death? $10 a game is the bet. For the mathematically impaired, i.e. I go 10-3, he goes 5-8, he owes me $50. Wins only, ties might as well be losses.
vs. Holland - $10 a game, heads up. So in our season series - RCN vs. Hit Squad - if there is a sweep the loser owes the winner $20. This wasn't agreed upon, but I propose, if we meet a 3rd time in the postseason, double or nothing.
I am taking on ANY reasonable prop bets - head-to-head games, more wins, more points, whatever. $1 a point, let's go. Who wants some? Or challenge someone else. Let's make it interesting. How about Shu vs. Tone Money.
DRAFT VENUE AFTERMATH
Another class act put on by Mike B. Only complaints were the unhealthyness of the food (although it was tremendously good), and the lack of desserts! Come on, you have 14 fat bastards, and the 1 dessert went in 2 minutes. Chaos almost cried when he didn't get any. Of course RVG was the first to stuff his (previously) fat face.
Other than that it was great. In all seriousness, thanks for your hard work, and generosity.
Let us take a look at this NFL Opening game's impact on the IFL.
- Rich & Creamy Nougat vs. Hit Squad
- Lizard Kings vs. Ballbusters
- 9 Fingers vs. Bucks County Bombers
LEGALIZED GAMBLING
I made 2 prop bets at the Draft, if you haven't heard, here's what they are:
vs. Devo - who will win more regular season games - my RCN or his Napalm Death? $10 a game is the bet. For the mathematically impaired, i.e. I go 10-3, he goes 5-8, he owes me $50. Wins only, ties might as well be losses.
vs. Holland - $10 a game, heads up. So in our season series - RCN vs. Hit Squad - if there is a sweep the loser owes the winner $20. This wasn't agreed upon, but I propose, if we meet a 3rd time in the postseason, double or nothing.
I am taking on ANY reasonable prop bets - head-to-head games, more wins, more points, whatever. $1 a point, let's go. Who wants some? Or challenge someone else. Let's make it interesting. How about Shu vs. Tone Money.
DRAFT VENUE AFTERMATH
Another class act put on by Mike B. Only complaints were the unhealthyness of the food (although it was tremendously good), and the lack of desserts! Come on, you have 14 fat bastards, and the 1 dessert went in 2 minutes. Chaos almost cried when he didn't get any. Of course RVG was the first to stuff his (previously) fat face.
Other than that it was great. In all seriousness, thanks for your hard work, and generosity.
Weird World of NFL News
Shu's last round draft pick is a thief. Welcome to Detroit, Rudi.
http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=3567561
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http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=3567561
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Monday, September 01, 2008
Week 1 Schedule
Mighty Meatballs vs Napalm Death
Mud Dogs vs Razen Kanes
Notorious RVG vs Dragons
Dead Beats vs PTP
Rich & Creamy Nougat vs Hit Squad
9 Fingers vs BC Bombers
Lizard Kings vs Ballbusters
Mud Dogs vs Razen Kanes
Notorious RVG vs Dragons
Dead Beats vs PTP
Rich & Creamy Nougat vs Hit Squad
9 Fingers vs BC Bombers
Lizard Kings vs Ballbusters
Sunday, August 31, 2008
update - 12th round
still waiting on dessert. A major brouhaha erupted over a rule change discussion. The possibility of a free-for-all free agent period was brought up. Chris T was vehemently opposed to this. Bob took the pro-free-for-all position. Voices were raised.
ah....dessert. If people would make their picks as fast as they ran their fat asses out to the kitchen to stuff their faces, this draft woulda been over. It is 6:39 and we're in the 12th round. We just might break the record for longest draft.
ah....dessert. If people would make their picks as fast as they ran their fat asses out to the kitchen to stuff their faces, this draft woulda been over. It is 6:39 and we're in the 12th round. We just might break the record for longest draft.
8th round Live Blogg
Shu starts off the 8th w/ Kitna as his first QB. maybe I shoulda waited on a QB.
Holland baffles everyone and takes Gostkowski. first kicker! congrats asswipe.
BREAKING IFL NEWS - the Schedule is done. To be announced shortly.
Toadvine takes the full allottment and picks MoMo, fittingly, since he is a momo.
I then take A Gonzalez, one of my shallow sleepers. 4th WR. I still only have 2 RBs, Gore and Jacobs. There's a couple guys I can get next time around. No one really that good, but its slim pickins at this point for RBs.
Wo takes K Warner as his backup to Romo.
RVG takes Stallworth
Chaos takes Rivers
Seattle D for Mike B
its getting a bit dicey now, a lot of junk flying off the boards so this will conclude the Live Blog for today. Check back often.. over the next 4 months!
Holland baffles everyone and takes Gostkowski. first kicker! congrats asswipe.
BREAKING IFL NEWS - the Schedule is done. To be announced shortly.
Toadvine takes the full allottment and picks MoMo, fittingly, since he is a momo.
I then take A Gonzalez, one of my shallow sleepers. 4th WR. I still only have 2 RBs, Gore and Jacobs. There's a couple guys I can get next time around. No one really that good, but its slim pickins at this point for RBs.
Wo takes K Warner as his backup to Romo.
RVG takes Stallworth
Chaos takes Rivers
Seattle D for Mike B
its getting a bit dicey now, a lot of junk flying off the boards so this will conclude the Live Blog for today. Check back often.. over the next 4 months!
7th round LIIIIIIIVE Blog sort of
Tone goes DeSean Jackson. The guy is all over the place today.
Devo goes D Mason. I'd rip him but he's stadning right behindme.
Mike P goes Ronnie Brown.
Meatball goes Ricky Williams, and everyone rips Mikes' R Brown pick, and he gets steamed again. he is taking serious abuse today.
Environmental update -
It is sunny and not a cloud in the sky today. Hot as balls. Getting thrown in the pool was really a godsend at it cools you off seriously. It is a beauty of a day, one of the best ever. Also there are tons of bees infesting the Draft area. It is like the scene from Tommy Boy. We are near an evacuation alert. Hopefully no one gets stung. I'd say its 50/50 at this point. Not good.
Ballbusters take Crayton. I woulda wanted him.... but I got Witten so I'm ok with it. One Cowgirl is enough.
PTP takes their 2nd QB, Garrard. To go along with D Anderson.
I guess I'll take a QB next cause the rest of the position players are iffy, or sleepers. I can wait.
Bob just came up with a great idea. Whoever takes more than 5 minutes gets zapped with Mike B's electrical fly swatter. The suggestion is greeted with wild applause.
Chaos takes Jerry POrter
RVG takes DAllass D
Wo reaches for Slaton at 7.10 - it was met with derision (but he was the next highest RB on my board)
I finally take my QB - Eli.
Someone called Wo and he is giving the guy Phillies updates. They are winning 5-2 in the 8th. Moyer.
Holland actually picks Chicago D before Chris T makes a pick, we know he wasnt going D so the move was deemed legal.
Chris T then takes Javon Walker
Shu - PITT D
Devo goes D Mason. I'd rip him but he's stadning right behindme.
Mike P goes Ronnie Brown.
Meatball goes Ricky Williams, and everyone rips Mikes' R Brown pick, and he gets steamed again. he is taking serious abuse today.
Environmental update -
It is sunny and not a cloud in the sky today. Hot as balls. Getting thrown in the pool was really a godsend at it cools you off seriously. It is a beauty of a day, one of the best ever. Also there are tons of bees infesting the Draft area. It is like the scene from Tommy Boy. We are near an evacuation alert. Hopefully no one gets stung. I'd say its 50/50 at this point. Not good.
Ballbusters take Crayton. I woulda wanted him.... but I got Witten so I'm ok with it. One Cowgirl is enough.
PTP takes their 2nd QB, Garrard. To go along with D Anderson.
I guess I'll take a QB next cause the rest of the position players are iffy, or sleepers. I can wait.
Bob just came up with a great idea. Whoever takes more than 5 minutes gets zapped with Mike B's electrical fly swatter. The suggestion is greeted with wild applause.
Chaos takes Jerry POrter
RVG takes DAllass D
Wo reaches for Slaton at 7.10 - it was met with derision (but he was the next highest RB on my board)
I finally take my QB - Eli.
Someone called Wo and he is giving the guy Phillies updates. They are winning 5-2 in the 8th. Moyer.
Holland actually picks Chicago D before Chris T makes a pick, we know he wasnt going D so the move was deemed legal.
Chris T then takes Javon Walker
Shu - PITT D
6th rd LIVE BLOG
3 picks real quick
Shu goes Kevin Smith and S Moss
Hols takes Gonzo.
I thought Shu would take a QB. 3 other guys need a QB, should I risk it and wait. Looking to see who I can take.....tough choice coming up.
Chris T takes SD D. egh. I stay away from QBs and go Burleson.
I get into the pool, not 100% voluntarily, and here are the rest of the 6th round picks
RVG - A Rodgers
Chaos - Chambers
Mike B - F Taylor
Bob - Ginn Jr
Meat - Berrian
Mike P - Julius J
Devo - Chris Johnson
Tone - Curry?
John E - Hasselbeck (F U) and J Stewart
more to come...
Shu goes Kevin Smith and S Moss
Hols takes Gonzo.
I thought Shu would take a QB. 3 other guys need a QB, should I risk it and wait. Looking to see who I can take.....tough choice coming up.
Chris T takes SD D. egh. I stay away from QBs and go Burleson.
I get into the pool, not 100% voluntarily, and here are the rest of the 6th round picks
RVG - A Rodgers
Chaos - Chambers
Mike B - F Taylor
Bob - Ginn Jr
Meat - Berrian
Mike P - Julius J
Devo - Chris Johnson
Tone - Curry?
John E - Hasselbeck (F U) and J Stewart
more to come...
5th round!!! LIVE
Ellis goes LenDale White and Gates! More questionable stuff from the Oracle. 15 non-championship seasons and counting, and I think we'll see 16.
Tone Money comes off with the shock of the draft so far, MINNESOTA D at 5.02. wow.... I guess they were the best available.... ghh
Devo takes the 3rd TE off the board, Winslow Jr.
more Pisco........as we wait, and wait, and wait..........and wait.... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
ugh. some controversy as Shu blows up at Pisco, and Pisco yells at Shu. Every year, the tension... come on. Pisco has to write-in Favre, and takes his sweet-ass time. ok
Meatball comes up pretty quick - takes Coles
Snyder - Lee Evans. Nice, some better Wrs are coming my way.
Mike B takes an inordinate amount of time....for.... searching the labels...Hines Ward. nice
Sheet. Chaos takes Cutler, who I woulda taken at my pick 5.11.
RVG goes Matt Forte. Rookie RB, starter. Chicago's O stinks though. Didnt really want him.
i'm going to have a tough choice.....QB or RB/WR??? and come back with QB at 6. Wo goes DeAngelo Williams
I eschew QB and take Dwayne Bowe. Set my starting lineup in the first 6 rds. Shu will prob take a QB at the turn, I'll take whichever one he takes out of the 2 next on my list...
CHris T on the clock! ...............Roddy White.
Hit Squad right up, and takes Driver. Solid WRs going now.
Shu...for 2
Tone Money comes off with the shock of the draft so far, MINNESOTA D at 5.02. wow.... I guess they were the best available.... ghh
Devo takes the 3rd TE off the board, Winslow Jr.
more Pisco........as we wait, and wait, and wait..........and wait.... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
ugh. some controversy as Shu blows up at Pisco, and Pisco yells at Shu. Every year, the tension... come on. Pisco has to write-in Favre, and takes his sweet-ass time. ok
Meatball comes up pretty quick - takes Coles
Snyder - Lee Evans. Nice, some better Wrs are coming my way.
Mike B takes an inordinate amount of time....for.... searching the labels...Hines Ward. nice
Sheet. Chaos takes Cutler, who I woulda taken at my pick 5.11.
RVG goes Matt Forte. Rookie RB, starter. Chicago's O stinks though. Didnt really want him.
i'm going to have a tough choice.....QB or RB/WR??? and come back with QB at 6. Wo goes DeAngelo Williams
I eschew QB and take Dwayne Bowe. Set my starting lineup in the first 6 rds. Shu will prob take a QB at the turn, I'll take whichever one he takes out of the 2 next on my list...
CHris T on the clock! ...............Roddy White.
Hit Squad right up, and takes Driver. Solid WRs going now.
Shu...for 2
4th round LIVE BLOG
Shu for a deuce. I am looking good to get my guy, maybe.... and he takes Jennings and... FUCK my guy Holmes
Holland is a real wild card. and a prick. Him then Toadvine. Hols goes M Harrison.
Toadvine is next, so I will now take a smoke break. eyeing up one of 2 WRs. CT goes McGahee. Kind of a dilemma now.
OK I go Witten, taking the 1st TE. Tough choice between him and a WR. He will probably go inthe next couple picks, but I went Witten since he catch a ton on a great offense. The other guys offense could be good too, his team might suck...i dont know, thats my logic. Witten it is. The classic RB/WR/RB/WR, uhh TE - Gore, Edwards, Jacobs, Witten
and Wo Man takes my guy next- Chad Ocho Cinco. The injury slightly worried me, not to mention his malcontention, and the fractious nature of the Bengal team.
RVG - Willie Parker. Not bad.
Chaos - Selvin Young. a Denver RB....could be great, could be a disaster
Mike B, is he going kicker? No, he goes Derek Anderson. could be a 1-year wonder. nice that a QB I'm not really eyeing up goes off the board.
Ballbusters go Chris Perry. not bad, he's a starting RB, at 4.9
Meatballs take McFadden. Rookie RB....on the Raiders, well see. could be a steal.
Mike P.....agonizing waiting for his picks. Every year the guy does it. Who is his 4th rounder... Earnest Graham. i wasn't crazy about him, but I guess a solid pick for this round.
Devo stands right up and takes Big Ben. More QBs going off the list. i did like Big Ben but there are others I like better.
Tone Money ponders. He laments. Hems and haws. then he stands and slaps Edge on the board. The guy was a career first rounder, now slipping to the late 4th. I had him 2 years ago and he was a 1st round bust. Hes a starter... but he has been for the last 2 years in Arizona. So I wasnt necessarily eyeing him up.
Ellis coming up for 2.....
Holland is a real wild card. and a prick. Him then Toadvine. Hols goes M Harrison.
Toadvine is next, so I will now take a smoke break. eyeing up one of 2 WRs. CT goes McGahee. Kind of a dilemma now.
OK I go Witten, taking the 1st TE. Tough choice between him and a WR. He will probably go inthe next couple picks, but I went Witten since he catch a ton on a great offense. The other guys offense could be good too, his team might suck...i dont know, thats my logic. Witten it is. The classic RB/WR/RB/WR, uhh TE - Gore, Edwards, Jacobs, Witten
and Wo Man takes my guy next- Chad Ocho Cinco. The injury slightly worried me, not to mention his malcontention, and the fractious nature of the Bengal team.
RVG - Willie Parker. Not bad.
Chaos - Selvin Young. a Denver RB....could be great, could be a disaster
Mike B, is he going kicker? No, he goes Derek Anderson. could be a 1-year wonder. nice that a QB I'm not really eyeing up goes off the board.
Ballbusters go Chris Perry. not bad, he's a starting RB, at 4.9
Meatballs take McFadden. Rookie RB....on the Raiders, well see. could be a steal.
Mike P.....agonizing waiting for his picks. Every year the guy does it. Who is his 4th rounder... Earnest Graham. i wasn't crazy about him, but I guess a solid pick for this round.
Devo stands right up and takes Big Ben. More QBs going off the list. i did like Big Ben but there are others I like better.
Tone Money ponders. He laments. Hems and haws. then he stands and slaps Edge on the board. The guy was a career first rounder, now slipping to the late 4th. I had him 2 years ago and he was a 1st round bust. Hes a starter... but he has been for the last 2 years in Arizona. So I wasnt necessarily eyeing him up.
Ellis coming up for 2.....
more 3rd round shenanigans
Ellis takes 2 beauties at 2.14-3.1 - Welker and Burress. not too high on those picks.
Tone now has J Lewis and Maroney to go with Brady
Devo has tons of receptions - Westbrook, Holt, Bush
Meatball's team looks surprisingly scary after 2, Moss and Manning. Brandon Marshall at 3.5! I was hoping he would fall to me. Meat looks lke he's going to be tough in 2008.
Bob - M Turner. not bad. He has MBIII, Brees and Turner. the early QBs are making teams look good.
Mike B goes w/ Boldin to match w TJ and Addai.
Chaos goes Roy Will. Nice. another guy not on my radar. 2 to go then me, and i have two guys eyed up.
Feck. RVG goes one of my guys, Calvin Johnson. Can I dodge Wo? doubtful, since he needs an RB.
ok cool. Wo goes Cotchery. now i get my guy....
B Jacobs. Last RB in my tier I was aiming for. Now I have some decent WR options coming up. Or a starting RB, 3 of which are left that I want.
Toadvine goes Palmer. I'm not looking QB till later, now that the Big 4 gone.
And Holland takes McNabb! Qbs flying off.
Shu for two..........
Tone now has J Lewis and Maroney to go with Brady
Devo has tons of receptions - Westbrook, Holt, Bush
Meatball's team looks surprisingly scary after 2, Moss and Manning. Brandon Marshall at 3.5! I was hoping he would fall to me. Meat looks lke he's going to be tough in 2008.
Bob - M Turner. not bad. He has MBIII, Brees and Turner. the early QBs are making teams look good.
Mike B goes w/ Boldin to match w TJ and Addai.
Chaos goes Roy Will. Nice. another guy not on my radar. 2 to go then me, and i have two guys eyed up.
Feck. RVG goes one of my guys, Calvin Johnson. Can I dodge Wo? doubtful, since he needs an RB.
ok cool. Wo goes Cotchery. now i get my guy....
B Jacobs. Last RB in my tier I was aiming for. Now I have some decent WR options coming up. Or a starting RB, 3 of which are left that I want.
Toadvine goes Palmer. I'm not looking QB till later, now that the Big 4 gone.
And Holland takes McNabb! Qbs flying off.
Shu for two..........
Live Blog from IFL Draft
Here we are. Currently in the 2nd round. I had the 11 and got Gore and Edwards not bad.
here are the divisions
East - Ellis, Tone, Devo, Mike P, Meatball
Central - Ballbusters, Mike B, Chaos, RVG, Wo
West - Whit, Chris T, Holland Shu
Pisco and Chris T taking forever as usual. Holland is on Blunt #2....RVG with two questionable picks - Fitz at 1.9 and T jones at 2.6. Wo has Owens and Romo. I got them at 2 and 4 last year. Brees went to Bob at 2.9, then Manning went 1 pick later to Meatball.
weather: hot as balls
here are the divisions
East - Ellis, Tone, Devo, Mike P, Meatball
Central - Ballbusters, Mike B, Chaos, RVG, Wo
West - Whit, Chris T, Holland Shu
Pisco and Chris T taking forever as usual. Holland is on Blunt #2....RVG with two questionable picks - Fitz at 1.9 and T jones at 2.6. Wo has Owens and Romo. I got them at 2 and 4 last year. Brees went to Bob at 2.9, then Manning went 1 pick later to Meatball.
weather: hot as balls
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Odds to Win 2008 IFL Championship
Ladies and gentlemen, live from the strip in Las Vegas, inside his personal executive men's room stall in the penthouse of the most luxurious, over-the-top resort in the universe, the Tangiers Hotel and Casino, we bring you Sam "Ace" Rothstein's Odds to win the 2008 IFL Championship!!!
Wo------------------------- 6-1
Chris T--------------------- 8-1
RVG----------------------- 10-1
Whit----------------------- 12-1
Mike B--------------------- 13-1
B'busting Bob-------------- 15-1
Shu----------------------- Shu-1
John E--------------------- 16-1
Devo----------------------- 20-1
Tone $--------------------- 25-1
Meatball------------------- 33-1
Chaos---------------------- 44-1
Mike P---------------- 45,000-1
Holland---------------- 1,000,000,000,000-1 (one trillion-to-one)
Despite the long odds, save your money on Holland, invest in junk bonds or start lending money to high-risk borrowers or something. Mike P's 45K-1 looks enticing, but must I remind you again, there has never been a repeat champion, and not to mention, he is a dope and he will not win again. The odds on Wo-Man are a little ambitious, as he has his hands full with other things and I do not feel he is fully focused on football. Shu's odds look rather tasty, even though I am not sure what the payout would be. My best bet would be Tone Money at 25-1, as I feel he is on the cusp of greatness. Put your house on it. And if you lose your house, you can always stay at the Tangiers Hotel and Casino for a couple weeks.
Please give a warm welcome to Nevada State Gaming Commission director of alcohol, cocaine, heroin, and fantasy football, Mr. Lester Diamond, who will give us the particulars on the over/unders for IFL wins.
(regular season wins only)
Tone $----------------- 13.5
Wo---------------------- 9.9
Christ------------------- 9.001
RVG-------------------- 8.5
Whit-------------------- 8.5
Mike B------------------ 7.5
Ballbusting Robert------ 7.25
Shu--------------------- 6.5
John E------------------ 6.5
Devo-------------------- 6.5
Meatball---------------- 5.5
Chaos------------------- 4.5
Mike P------------------ 2.5
Holland------------------ 0.0
And now, let me introduce my good friend from back home, Nicky Santoro, who will deliver the prop bets for the 2008 IFL Draft.
Gambling lingo
+ means bet $100 to win that much
- means bet that much to win $100
Holland showing up at the draft
Yes +1400 (bet $100 to win $1400)
No -2000 (bet $2000 to win $100)
Mike B will put grill marks on his schlong
Yes -360
No +450
Meatball will almost drown in the kiddie section of the pool
Yes -500
No +600
Wo-Man will accidentally bump his head on the sun
Yes -110
No -110
Chris T will say something interesting
Yes +240
No -278
RVG will show up 100 lbs lighter than last year
Yes -1500
No +1750
Shu will bring a date to the draft
Yes +140
No -160
the date will be under the age of 18
Yes -400
No +369
the underage girl could probably draft better than Shu
Yes -420
No +399
Holland will leave with Shu's date
Yes -110
No -110
Out of these 4, who will be dressed the worst?
Mike P------------- 1-3
John E------------- 5-1
Devo--------------- 8-1
Tone Money----- 500-1
Who will win the 2008 IFL Gut Contest sponsored by Folgers?
Holland--------- even $
Chaos----------- 4-1
Whit----------- 10-1
BB Bob--------- 18-1
Devo----------- 22-1
RVG---------- 140-1
(inside info: the Gut Contest will likely be fixed so that Snyder wins it, so expect his odds to decrease dramatically in the hours before the shirts come off)
Please fill out bet slips COMPLETELY before coming to the Tangiers Sportsbook window. Anyone caught cheating will have their hand pounded with a hammer, their balls stabbed with ice picks, their head squeezed in a vice, and will be pummeled with a Louisville Slugger by Frank Marino, and left to die in a shallow grave in the desert outside Las Vegas. Thanks for playing with us and make sure you tip your valet parking attendant!
Sincerely,
Sam "Ace" Rothstein
Tangiers Casino Head of Monetary Operations
Host of "Aces High" TV variety show
IFL Gambling Consultant
Wo------------------------- 6-1
Chris T--------------------- 8-1
RVG----------------------- 10-1
Whit----------------------- 12-1
Mike B--------------------- 13-1
B'busting Bob-------------- 15-1
Shu----------------------- Shu-1
John E--------------------- 16-1
Devo----------------------- 20-1
Tone $--------------------- 25-1
Meatball------------------- 33-1
Chaos---------------------- 44-1
Mike P---------------- 45,000-1
Holland---------------- 1,000,000,000,000-1 (one trillion-to-one)
Despite the long odds, save your money on Holland, invest in junk bonds or start lending money to high-risk borrowers or something. Mike P's 45K-1 looks enticing, but must I remind you again, there has never been a repeat champion, and not to mention, he is a dope and he will not win again. The odds on Wo-Man are a little ambitious, as he has his hands full with other things and I do not feel he is fully focused on football. Shu's odds look rather tasty, even though I am not sure what the payout would be. My best bet would be Tone Money at 25-1, as I feel he is on the cusp of greatness. Put your house on it. And if you lose your house, you can always stay at the Tangiers Hotel and Casino for a couple weeks.
Please give a warm welcome to Nevada State Gaming Commission director of alcohol, cocaine, heroin, and fantasy football, Mr. Lester Diamond, who will give us the particulars on the over/unders for IFL wins.
(regular season wins only)
Tone $----------------- 13.5
Wo---------------------- 9.9
Christ------------------- 9.001
RVG-------------------- 8.5
Whit-------------------- 8.5
Mike B------------------ 7.5
Ballbusting Robert------ 7.25
Shu--------------------- 6.5
John E------------------ 6.5
Devo-------------------- 6.5
Meatball---------------- 5.5
Chaos------------------- 4.5
Mike P------------------ 2.5
Holland------------------ 0.0
And now, let me introduce my good friend from back home, Nicky Santoro, who will deliver the prop bets for the 2008 IFL Draft.
Gambling lingo
+ means bet $100 to win that much
- means bet that much to win $100
Holland showing up at the draft
Yes +1400 (bet $100 to win $1400)
No -2000 (bet $2000 to win $100)
Mike B will put grill marks on his schlong
Yes -360
No +450
Meatball will almost drown in the kiddie section of the pool
Yes -500
No +600
Wo-Man will accidentally bump his head on the sun
Yes -110
No -110
Chris T will say something interesting
Yes +240
No -278
RVG will show up 100 lbs lighter than last year
Yes -1500
No +1750
Shu will bring a date to the draft
Yes +140
No -160
the date will be under the age of 18
Yes -400
No +369
the underage girl could probably draft better than Shu
Yes -420
No +399
Holland will leave with Shu's date
Yes -110
No -110
Out of these 4, who will be dressed the worst?
Mike P------------- 1-3
John E------------- 5-1
Devo--------------- 8-1
Tone Money----- 500-1
Who will win the 2008 IFL Gut Contest sponsored by Folgers?
Holland--------- even $
Chaos----------- 4-1
Whit----------- 10-1
BB Bob--------- 18-1
Devo----------- 22-1
RVG---------- 140-1
(inside info: the Gut Contest will likely be fixed so that Snyder wins it, so expect his odds to decrease dramatically in the hours before the shirts come off)
Please fill out bet slips COMPLETELY before coming to the Tangiers Sportsbook window. Anyone caught cheating will have their hand pounded with a hammer, their balls stabbed with ice picks, their head squeezed in a vice, and will be pummeled with a Louisville Slugger by Frank Marino, and left to die in a shallow grave in the desert outside Las Vegas. Thanks for playing with us and make sure you tip your valet parking attendant!
Sincerely,
Sam "Ace" Rothstein
Tangiers Casino Head of Monetary Operations
Host of "Aces High" TV variety show
IFL Gambling Consultant
Monday, August 04, 2008
Make A Wish
The RC has been discussing a rule change, and we're looking to get the input of all owners to see where you all stand on this.
We're discussing abolishing the wishbone (3 RB) starting formation. Which would mean, you can only start a maximum of TWO RBs in your lineup.
This would add an interesting strategic wrinkle to your draft/roster strategy. There are several ways of thinking here.
With the increase in # of RB-by-committees across the NFL, there are less quality starting RBs to go around. So people hoarding the RBs early, will essentially be drafting their 1st backup by the time they draft their 3rd RB.
By the same token, this could make RBs more valuable, and it may be worth it to some to fortify their depth by drafting multiple RBs early. But as I said, it would be along the same line as taking a 2nd QB in an early round (sort of).
I'll leave the rest to your imagination. Please go to the IFL website and vote on the poll. It will be up until Sunday 8/10, and a decision will be made by the RC early next week, if not sooner.
We're discussing abolishing the wishbone (3 RB) starting formation. Which would mean, you can only start a maximum of TWO RBs in your lineup.
This would add an interesting strategic wrinkle to your draft/roster strategy. There are several ways of thinking here.
With the increase in # of RB-by-committees across the NFL, there are less quality starting RBs to go around. So people hoarding the RBs early, will essentially be drafting their 1st backup by the time they draft their 3rd RB.
By the same token, this could make RBs more valuable, and it may be worth it to some to fortify their depth by drafting multiple RBs early. But as I said, it would be along the same line as taking a 2nd QB in an early round (sort of).
I'll leave the rest to your imagination. Please go to the IFL website and vote on the poll. It will be up until Sunday 8/10, and a decision will be made by the RC early next week, if not sooner.
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
2008 IFL Draft date
OK it's official - the 2008 IFL Draft is on for Sunday, August 31, 2008, which is the Sunday of Labor Day weekend. Location TBD.
The first NFL regular season game is Thursday, September 4 - Washington @ NY Giants, on NBC.
The first NFL regular season game is Thursday, September 4 - Washington @ NY Giants, on NBC.
Friday, May 30, 2008
IFL Rules Committee update - IR shelved
The IFL Rules Committee convened at the Neshaminy Motor Lodge on Route 1 for their first mindmeld of the 2008 offseason. Here are the notes.
This IR reform was necessitated by the NFL's controversial decision to change the manner in which teams report injuries in the days leading up to the game. See this post for the details.
If you recall, it wreaked havoc with our IR last year, creating such ambiguity that even the brilliant minds of the IFL RC could not come up with a perfect solution. Therefore, it has been decided that the best solution to avoid controversy and having to dance around these ridiculous new NFL injury labels, was to eliminate IR altogether.
Yes, you could be screwed if 3 of your guys Did Not Practice and you have another 4 on a bye week. Such is life in fantasy football.
The Rules Committee meets next at the Borgata, Room 4016, in Atlantic City on June 14.
- A blacklight revealed trace amounts of semen on the carpet.
- Ballbusting Bob did not wash his hands after going to the bathroom, then proceeded to eat a turkey hoagie.
- Wo-Man discovered a hidden camera behind the mirror on the ceiling.
And now for the RC activity.
There will be a pretty major structural change to the IFL rosters starting in the 2008 season. Here are the major bullet points:
- There will be no more Injured Reserve. If a player is on your roster, he is either considered Active (starting) or Reserve (benched).
- The IFL Draft will be 16 rounds this year, and rosters will stay at 16 for the duration of the season. There will be no expansion at the roster deadline.
This IR reform was necessitated by the NFL's controversial decision to change the manner in which teams report injuries in the days leading up to the game. See this post for the details.
If you recall, it wreaked havoc with our IR last year, creating such ambiguity that even the brilliant minds of the IFL RC could not come up with a perfect solution. Therefore, it has been decided that the best solution to avoid controversy and having to dance around these ridiculous new NFL injury labels, was to eliminate IR altogether.
Yes, you could be screwed if 3 of your guys Did Not Practice and you have another 4 on a bye week. Such is life in fantasy football.
The Rules Committee meets next at the Borgata, Room 4016, in Atlantic City on June 14.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
State of the IFL
As we all try to recover from the abomination that was Mud Dogs winning the IFL, we must put that behind us and move forward. CHANGE is the key word here for 2008. A new champion, a new page in IFL history. And imagine this scenario - just as Obama might be the first black president, will we have the first black IFL Champion? That, my friends, is doubtful.
THE R.C.
It is with a heavy heart that we bid adieu to RVG from the Rules Committee, and welcome Shu into the fold. The Committee has not yet convened for their annual offseason meeting/BBQ, but hopes to begin conversations on how to tinker with the most mundane details of the league within the next couple weeks. As the "new guy" of the RC, Shu is responsible for dropping off and picking up my dry cleaning during the season.
As always, if you have any suggestions/complaints/compliments about the league or its rules, please let us know. You can also drop off any notes in the suggestion box outside my office if you wish to remain unanimous.
DRAFT
I will be sending an email to everyone soon to gauge availability for Sunday, August 31, which is the projected Draft date. If you are willing to put your name in the hat as a host, speak up. Mike B had previously whispered in my ear that he might be willing to do it again... that would be fine with me.
EARTH DAY
If you have any hard copies of old IFL updates, please place them in your local recycling recepticle. If you're lucky, they will end up as toilet paper and someone will soon be wiping their ass with your team.
Also, please place any old IFL trophies into your recycling bin on trash day. The wood alone from those things would feed over 900 beavers.
Expect to hear from me some time around Memorial Day.
Good luck with finals.
Commissioner
Vernon W. Pocoroba (D-N.J.)
THE R.C.
It is with a heavy heart that we bid adieu to RVG from the Rules Committee, and welcome Shu into the fold. The Committee has not yet convened for their annual offseason meeting/BBQ, but hopes to begin conversations on how to tinker with the most mundane details of the league within the next couple weeks. As the "new guy" of the RC, Shu is responsible for dropping off and picking up my dry cleaning during the season.
As always, if you have any suggestions/complaints/compliments about the league or its rules, please let us know. You can also drop off any notes in the suggestion box outside my office if you wish to remain unanimous.
DRAFT
I will be sending an email to everyone soon to gauge availability for Sunday, August 31, which is the projected Draft date. If you are willing to put your name in the hat as a host, speak up. Mike B had previously whispered in my ear that he might be willing to do it again... that would be fine with me.
EARTH DAY
If you have any hard copies of old IFL updates, please place them in your local recycling recepticle. If you're lucky, they will end up as toilet paper and someone will soon be wiping their ass with your team.
Also, please place any old IFL trophies into your recycling bin on trash day. The wood alone from those things would feed over 900 beavers.
Expect to hear from me some time around Memorial Day.
Good luck with finals.
Commissioner
Vernon W. Pocoroba (D-N.J.)
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