IFL CHAMPIONSHIP #18
Ballbusters vs. Razen Kanes - battle of the trophy virgins
IFL Championship Week officially begins Thursday with a Continental Breakfast (please no stuffing danish in your pockets, Baranowski) followed by Media Day - press conferences with Tone Money (10:30 am) and Ballbusting Bob (11:11 am). No offense to Bob, but Tone's press conference could be the greatest event in IFL history. Several media members have already been camping out since last night in front of the Razen Kanes podium. As if that wasn't enough, Napalm Death co-owner Steven A. Shapiro will be making an anti-Ballbusters speech on the West lawn, also at 11:11 am.
Let us revisit, painfully, the resluts of Week 15's semis.
Razen Kanes 150, Rich & Creamy 108
- Peterson not playing for RCN was merely academic, as Tone's Chicago D put up 33 to seal the deal and put Tone in the finals for only the 2nd time. Tone also got 29 out of Brees and 28 out of Austin Collie? GTFO. Rich & Creamy had an overall awful day, as I wasted away in bed with bird flu, only awakening to watch the final minute of the Eagles spectacular comeback. As for the Nougat players, it was a balanced, but only mediocre attack, led by Matt Ryan with 24, and Maclin with 22.
Ballbusters 133, 9 Fingers 109
- Ballbusters getting 35 out of Jason Witten was the dagger for Shu, who got below average performances from superstars Tom Brady (20), Peyton Hillis (10) and Andre Johnson (17). Matt Forte (10) did not partake in the Bears offensive orgy on Monday night, which was 9 Fingers' last hope. Calvin Johnson put up 30 and McFadden contributed 22 in an effort full of win for Bob.
and now, the IFL-BCS portion of the email.
Ponderosa Cowboy Classic
Favre You! over Mud Dogs, 183-66
Muffin Top Bowl
Napalm Death over Deadbeats, 153-98
other Week 15 bullshit
Charmin Toilet Seat Cover Bowl - BC Bombers over Hit Squad
Game of Death XVIII - ThunderStruck over Mighty Meatballs
Palin's Moose Knuckle Bowl - PTP over Lizard Kings Stink
WEEK 16 IFL-BCS/Gang Bang HOLIDAY FESTIVITIES
In addition to the excitement surrounding the BCS and non-BCS Bowl games, all 12 teams in the Bowl Games below are eligible for the $20 Week 16 Gang Bang Prize. Highest score amongst these non-IFL-Championship Teams wins $20. The IFL-BCS Championship game is also for a separate $20 prize.
Sum Ting Wong Chinese Buffet Bowl sponsored by Maximum Strength Immodium
Napalm Death vs. Favre You!
Other Less Meaningless Bowls
Dr Scholl's Foot and Ass Cream Bowl partially funded by Sak's Testicular Clamps
Rich & Creamy Nougat vs. 9 Fingers
Transformers 4: More Bullshit Bowl sponsored by Dr. Kervorkian's Carbon Monoxide Inhalers
Deadbeats vs. Mighty Meatballs
Newport Lights offers up the Penis Grigio Bowl
Hit Squad vs. Purple Throbbing Pens
Rex Ryan Footjob Kickoff Classic
Mud Dogs vs. ThunderStruck
* - The 2010 Michael J. Holland Corporate Fantasy Football Roundtable Brown Bag Lunch Discussion
Lizard Kings Stink vs. Bucks County Bombers
* - game has been cancelled. Teams' scores will still count towards the Gang Bang prize.