Weekend Dump - IFL Wk 7

Today the weekend dump comes to you from the toilet of the midwest, Iowa State University, where I am tailgating with half-naked co-eds in preparation for the big Oklahoma-Iowa State game on Saturday afternoon, 12:30pm on Comcast SportsNet. Unfortunately due to these circumstances, I had to cancel Turn Ahead the Clock Week (who am I bullshitting, I couldn't come up with any good ideas). So instead, we will be showing classic IFL Games on ESPN Classic all weekend. Tonight at midnight, it's the 1998 IFL Championship Game between Napalm Death and Rehab Wife Beaters. We'll talk to Devo live from therapy at halftime.

But this is anything but an ordinary week in the IFL, as you will see. No division games, so I am rooting for everyone in the East and West to knock off my Central counterparts! I have to make this quick though, so I can go back to drinking tequila out of Iowanese chicks' belly buttons.


QUEER EYE ON THE IFL

Game of the Week: Razen Kanes (5-1) vs. Napalm Death (4-2). Tone is missing a couple WRs... Walker is hurt and Smith is on a bye. So the 5-1 record is in jeopardy. Luckily his kung fu grip on the West lead is not. Devo's biggest dilemma is who to start at QB - a banged-up VY, Leftwich, or Rattay. Fine choice. Kind of like choosing between having your grandmother catching you playing with yourself, or vice versa. Prediction: tie.

Other games:

Lizard Kings (0-6) vs. Dead Beats (3-3) - John E is the 14th ranked Coach according to the Preview page. How they come up with those numbers I have no idea, but he's at least the 13th best in my book. Dead Beats are in bye week hell this week (Chargers), so this could be win #1 for the Kings!

Hit Squad (3-3) vs. Mighty Meatballs (2-4) - Can things get worse for Meatball? His team may suck, but when he wakes up in the morning and looks in the mirror, at least he doesn't see Holland. Life is good.

9 Fingers (4-2) vs. Mud Dogs (3-2-1) - Mike P has no kicker. Despite my need for Shu to lose, I really hope Mud Dogs lose by a point.

PTP (2-4) vs. BCB (4-2) - Both guys have been model IFL citizens since they joined the league 3 years ago, but there's a lot you don't know. They swordfought each other at the Draft, and after everyone left Mike B's house, Chris T stuck around to hump the cushions of Mike's new sofa.

Chinese Toys R Us (4-2) vs. Dragons (2-4) - The battle for New Jersey! The Turnpike Tussle! The Tug O' War of 295! This game is actually the IFL equivalent of Oklahoma vs. Baylor, but I have to try and sell tickets. Plenty of good seats still available.

Notorious RVG (2-3-1) vs. Ballbusters (3-3) - What can I say about this game that hasn't been said about Temple vs. Miami (OH)? Did Temple actually win 2 in a row???? No way they win this week, even with 65,000 delirious fans at the Linc.

Shots!