Week 3 Monday Night Meltdown

Week 3 almost in the books. How bout them Biff Pocoroba Massacres. That's 20 dogs at the Phillies game tonite.

Only 2 games have implications tonight, but they're big ones and they're close as balls.

Notorious RVG 100, Part Time Pimps 88
(RVG has Bush; PTP has Dunn)
It's gonna be a thriller tonight in the Superdome. Reggie Bush's home debut coincides with this huge early-season IFL tilt between these two dopes, and his and Warrick Dunn's performance are going to have huge implications. RVG has pretty balanced scoring all around, and Andre Johnson was the high man with 27. PTP looked a little more human, with not too many big days other than Bulger's inflated 22. PTP needs the win to stay unbeaten in the East, RVG will either be a game over or 1 under .500 in the Central.

Hit Squad 110, Napalm Death 99
(HS has Crumpler; ND has Falcons DEF)
If I were Hit Squad, I'd be painting my face green and running around doing E-A-G-L-E-S chants in my tightie whities. They looked pathetic during the 1:00 games, but Donnie Mac and B-West had a field day in SF, with a combined 67 pts (BW worth 45). Those 2, and Lee Evans' 19, were really all that Hit Squad brought to the table. Poor Devo...the prick gets a meager 25 out of Palmer (seems low for a 4 TD day), 26 out of Greg f-ing Jennings, and 24 out of Kasay! And he could still lose. This is going to be a close one... I tend to think the Falcons could dominate like they did their other NFC South opponents, so ND still has a good shot at winning this one. If they do, they'll be 2-1, and so will Hit Squad. If it's a Crumpler night...Hit Squad stays amongst the ranks of the unbeaten and alone atop the West.


The following games are either over or essentially over.

Biff Pocoroba Massacre 155, Blue Dogs 79
(BPM is done; BD has Saints DEF)
I think we've found a new starting QB in the Land of Biff. After 2 weeks of Plummer's shenanigans, Favre stepped right in and showed 'em how it's done. Brett shredded the Lions D for a 42-bomb. It's like '94 all over again! Add into the mix long-awaited explosions from Roy Williams (27) and Muhammad (21), and it looks like we have ourselves a new $20 winner. I'm goin' to Sizzler! As for Blue Dogs, it was all Holt (27) and Boldin (22) and a bunch of crap. Saints D needs to completely demolish the Falcons and put up 76, which would have been easily attainable via the old scoring system. B.P. Massacre gets off the Snyde and goes to 1-2 in the Wide Open West, Blue Dogs are 1-2 in the Central.

Lizard Kings 124, Razen Kanes 51
(LK is done; RK has Deuce)
Which of these teams was 0-2 going in and which one was 2-0? Not who you'd think if you look at this outcome. Tone Money's Kanes definitely look fraudulent after this pathetic performance. Brady put up 23 and that was about it. For the Kings, Javon Walker's huge Sunday night (35) put them into the upper IFL stratosphere, even topping Willie Parker's great day (28). Not to mention, John E's first-rounder Steve Smith was back in the lineup, worth 19, and just like his NFL team, Smith has the ability to make his team that much better. Kanes fall back in with the cool crowd at 2-1 (barring Deuce miracle), while the LKs will be 1-2 in the Central.

B.C. Bombers 114, Nine Fingers 59
FINAL
Another day at the office for Chris T, another piss poor performance for Shu. Eli put up 21 for the Fingers, but that was it. He has people in his starting lineup that shouldn't be on NFL rosters. Bombers were carried by Hasselbeck (31). BC remains undefeated at 3-0 atop the Central, Shu is 1-2 and fading fast.

Mud Dogs 79, Dead Beats 47
(MD is done; DB has Carney)
I wouldn't mind Mud Dogs winning if we didn't have to hear from Mike P. ever. Yes, it's true they might be the worst 3-0 team ever, but what's going on in Dead Beats land is even more troubling. I know LJ was on a bye, but this is ridiculous. Two players had goose eggs (Dom Rhodes and Chad Jackson). Unacceptable, especially for a 3-time champion. I think it might be time for Dead Beats to say goodbye. And I don't know who Mud Dogs play next week but I sure hope the MDs lose so we can put a muzzle on Mike P. and get our lives back to normal. MD = 3-0 in the East. DB = 0-3 in the East. Worst. Team. Ever.

Dragons 88, Mighty Meatballs 64
FINAL
You can finally put one in the win column for the Phightin' Dragons. However, their MVP was Mighty Meatballs owner Meatball. He was stuck with 2 injured players in his starting lineup (Stallworth and Vinatieri), while he was hanging out in Wildwood getting shot down by 16 and 17-year old girls at the arcade. Stallworth was kind of a surprise to everyone, but this team still looks pretty bad. McGahee was the only bright spot, and he was only worth 18 in a 150-yd performance. For Dragonbreath, that 2nd round pick Portis finally paid some dividends, putting up 26. D-Jax (20) and D Mason (21) were also money. Congrats to the Wo as he climbs toward that tall peak that is 100 wins! Meatballs...still 99 away. They are 0-3 in the East, Dragons are 1-2 in the West.