As we approach Super Bowl XLI, the stench of another IFL season has almost completely dissipated. And standing alone atop the rancid pile of steaming garbage is Chris T, owner of the BC Bombers, 2006 IFL Champions. Yes, he won the IFL in only his 2nd season, a feat last accomplished by....... none other than yours truly, the Slickster, in 1994. Anyway, here is a brain dump for the month of January, as this will begin a trend of monthly offseason spewage regarding all things IFL and non-IFL.
Draft update
It looks like the long-standing tradition of drafting on the 4th Saturday of August (8 years in a row I believe) will be coming to an end thanks to none other than RVG. Apparently he will be in Vegas that weekend, so don't feel sorry for him. However, it puts us in a unique position of having to work out a draft date. Do not despair, I am not asking anyone to clear their calendar yet, but one date that has been kicked around (with positive response) is Labor Day, September 3. This would be a change from the norm in that all preseason games will be completed by then, which is a good thing. In previous years, with the late August draft, some drafted players still had to play in 2 preseason games. What this also means is that it would eliminate the need for the supplementary round of pickups which have taken place on the Tuesday before the regular season starts. I'm not going to break balls and try to nail down a date yet, but sometime around late March/April I will be sending out the first exploratory email, and Labor Day Monday, 9/3/07, will be one the dates nominated to be 2007 Draft Day.
Regarding location, the 2007 IFL Draft venue has not been determined. With several IFL owners purchasing new homes in the past couple years, we have lots of potential for new venues. If you would be willing to host a draft, let me know and you will be considered. Wo-Man set the bar at a record high last year with his hospitality, so hopefully the Draft will continue to be an all out feast wherever it is held. Another suggestion was brought to the table - holding the Draft at a public venue, such as a restaurant or rented room (as we did from 1994-1996). Personally I prefer to see it hosted at a house, but as with any choice, it has its pros and cons. No one would have to be bothered with cleanup, or the stress of having Holland in their house, but then again, there would be a cost involved. Regardless, this is another one of the many details that does not need to be ironed out yet, but it will be discussed amongst the people in the months ahead.
In the months ahead, we will get into some rules changes which may be kicked around by the Rules Committee. Keep in mind we are trying make this a more open forum, so that all owners can be apprised of changes that are taking place in the league, and voice their comments and concerns.
Community Bulletin
I will be hosting a poker tourney at my house on Saturday, March 3. If interested, please let me know. The game will be no limit hold'em (the Cadillac of poker), and we're hoping to get about 3 tables going. Buy-in will be $50, and we are probably going to get started around 5pm or so. Pass this along to any friends who would be interested in playing.
Part Time Pimps owner Mike B is hosting a Super Bowl party at his house. Feel free to stop by and drink his beer and eat his food.
If you wish to have an event published in the IFL Community Bulletin, please email me or stop by the IFL Community Events Center, which is adjacent to the IFL Botanical and Wildlife Refuge, fill out a form and submit it to the receptionist.
Where Are They Now?
I stopped by RVG's house in NE Philly to get my hair cut one night last week, and was aghast when a small Chinese woman answered the door. I reluctantly got out my wallet and began to undo my belt, when the woman threatened to call the police on me. It was then I remembered - RVG has moved. He is now staying at his mom's house in Somerton until his new digs in Souderton, PA are built. Him and Teen Money will be moving into the new place in June. Congratz.
Super Bowl Prediction
Indianapolis 37, Chicago 24
See you in February.
Commissioner Cambodian
Friday, January 26, 2007
Commissioner's Closing Address to the League
This address was originally dated December 30, 2006.
I just wanted to take this opportunity to thank everyone for another splendid season of IFL Football, and wish you and your family a Happy, Prosperous, Mischeivious, Promiscuous, and Lascivious New Year. And despite all the rumours and controversy, I am pleased to announce the IFL will be back for it's 15th season in 2007. Whether or not any of you will be asked to return is another story. But rest assured, I am writing a 15th Chapter of my IFL novel (and yes, it's a piece of shit). You will hear from me as details materialize, so check your inboxes in 2007.
Also, I must congratulate our 2006 Champions, the Bucks County Bombers, owned by none other than Christopher T., of the Microsoft Corporation, who is the IFL's first-ever corporate Champion. In only his 2nd season in the IFL, Chris, a noted fantasy phanatic, whose entry into the league was unanimously protested last year, has proven himself a worthy owner. For all his hard work, he will receive a key to Suite 1400 of the IFL Champions Club, whose membership is outrageously exclusive. Indeed.
Furthermore, it is with deep regret that I congratulate Holland and his Hit Squad on their fabulous 12-1 regular season, including a 12-game winning streak to start the season. A feat of such insignificance cannot go unmentioned, but the burning sensation of falling short in the Finals is one that will surely keep Holland up many nights until 7am, doubled over the toilet in agony.
In closing, I can assure you that the IFL Rules Committee will be having many sleepless nights this offseason, forever tinkering with and fondling the rules of our great league. I will keep everyone informed of any changes as they occur, and in fact, will be posting minutes from our RC Meetings on the IFL Blog. Rest assured, we have been keeping track of things that annoyed us during the season, and those items will be discussed at length. We are always trying to improve the league and make it more enjoyable, intense, inclusive, and user-friendly whenever possible. We tried some new things out this past year...some worked well, some didn't. Next year, hopefully things will run much smoother. It's hard to please 14 people all at once (unless your name is Mike B.), but believe me, we try. As always, any suggestions, complaints, feedback, and/or recommendations are welcome.
Once again, I wish everyone a Happy New Year, and have a great and prosperous offseason.
Commissioner
Cambodian Slick
I just wanted to take this opportunity to thank everyone for another splendid season of IFL Football, and wish you and your family a Happy, Prosperous, Mischeivious, Promiscuous, and Lascivious New Year. And despite all the rumours and controversy, I am pleased to announce the IFL will be back for it's 15th season in 2007. Whether or not any of you will be asked to return is another story. But rest assured, I am writing a 15th Chapter of my IFL novel (and yes, it's a piece of shit). You will hear from me as details materialize, so check your inboxes in 2007.
Also, I must congratulate our 2006 Champions, the Bucks County Bombers, owned by none other than Christopher T., of the Microsoft Corporation, who is the IFL's first-ever corporate Champion. In only his 2nd season in the IFL, Chris, a noted fantasy phanatic, whose entry into the league was unanimously protested last year, has proven himself a worthy owner. For all his hard work, he will receive a key to Suite 1400 of the IFL Champions Club, whose membership is outrageously exclusive. Indeed.
Furthermore, it is with deep regret that I congratulate Holland and his Hit Squad on their fabulous 12-1 regular season, including a 12-game winning streak to start the season. A feat of such insignificance cannot go unmentioned, but the burning sensation of falling short in the Finals is one that will surely keep Holland up many nights until 7am, doubled over the toilet in agony.
In closing, I can assure you that the IFL Rules Committee will be having many sleepless nights this offseason, forever tinkering with and fondling the rules of our great league. I will keep everyone informed of any changes as they occur, and in fact, will be posting minutes from our RC Meetings on the IFL Blog. Rest assured, we have been keeping track of things that annoyed us during the season, and those items will be discussed at length. We are always trying to improve the league and make it more enjoyable, intense, inclusive, and user-friendly whenever possible. We tried some new things out this past year...some worked well, some didn't. Next year, hopefully things will run much smoother. It's hard to please 14 people all at once (unless your name is Mike B.), but believe me, we try. As always, any suggestions, complaints, feedback, and/or recommendations are welcome.
Once again, I wish everyone a Happy New Year, and have a great and prosperous offseason.
Commissioner
Cambodian Slick
2006 Champion's Address to the IFL
The following is a letter from Chris T, owner of the 2006 IFL Champions, Bucks County Bombers, dated January 6, 2007.
Fellow owners, I apologize for the delay in my formal IFL championship speech. Between championship parade planning, book signings and public speaking engagements, its already been a tremendously busy offseason. Now, if you don’t mind, a few brief words…
On behalf of Steven Jackson and the entire Bucks County Bombers football franchise, it’s an honor to be crowned 2007 IFL Champions. I humbly accept the responsibility and now lofty expectations of being not just the current champion but also an IFL prodigy, having managed two winning seasons and a championship in my first two seasons. Fortunately for my IFL brethren, modesty deters me from bringing attention to the fact that I guaranteed a championship in my first three seasons. Mission accomplished.
To that extent, I can’t help but draw parallels to Joe Namath and the ’69 Jets. Just as the Jets vindicated the entire AFL after the merger by knocking off the heavily favored Colts, the Bucks County Bombers vindicated the LLF by taking the league by storm and proving that the league they originated from was a worthy alternative after all. But before I get too far ahead of myself, I would to like to take a minute to recognize those without whose support none of this would be possible. First off, to my opponent, I say congratulations on a historic season worthy of a better ending. To the rest of the league, I offer a sincere thank you. Thank you for so graciously allowing me to draft 3 top 10 RB’s in the first 5 rounds. Thanks to the Mud Dogs for drafting Ronnie Brown instead of Stephen Jackson. Thanks especially to Shu for expanding the available pool of talent by drafting retired and disabled players. Lastly, thanks to my second round playoff opponent, PTP, for failing to show up. I’d also like to take this time to dispel the recent rumors that I’ll be replacing Bill Cowher as the Steelers head coach and General Manager. Discussions with Mr. Rooney are merely in the exploratory stages. Fellow owners, rest assured the trophy and title are incapable hands for the next year. The crown will be worn with pride, the trophy cared for with Hope Diamond like white glove treatment. And yes, the shit eating championship grin will endure for the next 350+ days. Time’s yours.
Fellow owners, I apologize for the delay in my formal IFL championship speech. Between championship parade planning, book signings and public speaking engagements, its already been a tremendously busy offseason. Now, if you don’t mind, a few brief words…
On behalf of Steven Jackson and the entire Bucks County Bombers football franchise, it’s an honor to be crowned 2007 IFL Champions. I humbly accept the responsibility and now lofty expectations of being not just the current champion but also an IFL prodigy, having managed two winning seasons and a championship in my first two seasons. Fortunately for my IFL brethren, modesty deters me from bringing attention to the fact that I guaranteed a championship in my first three seasons. Mission accomplished.
To that extent, I can’t help but draw parallels to Joe Namath and the ’69 Jets. Just as the Jets vindicated the entire AFL after the merger by knocking off the heavily favored Colts, the Bucks County Bombers vindicated the LLF by taking the league by storm and proving that the league they originated from was a worthy alternative after all. But before I get too far ahead of myself, I would to like to take a minute to recognize those without whose support none of this would be possible. First off, to my opponent, I say congratulations on a historic season worthy of a better ending. To the rest of the league, I offer a sincere thank you. Thank you for so graciously allowing me to draft 3 top 10 RB’s in the first 5 rounds. Thanks to the Mud Dogs for drafting Ronnie Brown instead of Stephen Jackson. Thanks especially to Shu for expanding the available pool of talent by drafting retired and disabled players. Lastly, thanks to my second round playoff opponent, PTP, for failing to show up. I’d also like to take this time to dispel the recent rumors that I’ll be replacing Bill Cowher as the Steelers head coach and General Manager. Discussions with Mr. Rooney are merely in the exploratory stages. Fellow owners, rest assured the trophy and title are incapable hands for the next year. The crown will be worn with pride, the trophy cared for with Hope Diamond like white glove treatment. And yes, the shit eating championship grin will endure for the next 350+ days. Time’s yours.
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