2006 Champion's Address to the IFL

The following is a letter from Chris T, owner of the 2006 IFL Champions, Bucks County Bombers, dated January 6, 2007.

Fellow owners, I apologize for the delay in my formal IFL championship speech. Between championship parade planning, book signings and public speaking engagements, its already been a tremendously busy offseason. Now, if you don’t mind, a few brief words…

On behalf of Steven Jackson and the entire Bucks County Bombers football franchise, it’s an honor to be crowned 2007 IFL Champions. I humbly accept the responsibility and now lofty expectations of being not just the current champion but also an IFL prodigy, having managed two winning seasons and a championship in my first two seasons. Fortunately for my IFL brethren, modesty deters me from bringing attention to the fact that I guaranteed a championship in my first three seasons. Mission accomplished.

To that extent, I can’t help but draw parallels to Joe Namath and the ’69 Jets. Just as the Jets vindicated the entire AFL after the merger by knocking off the heavily favored Colts, the Bucks County Bombers vindicated the LLF by taking the league by storm and proving that the league they originated from was a worthy alternative after all. But before I get too far ahead of myself, I would to like to take a minute to recognize those without whose support none of this would be possible. First off, to my opponent, I say congratulations on a historic season worthy of a better ending. To the rest of the league, I offer a sincere thank you. Thank you for so graciously allowing me to draft 3 top 10 RB’s in the first 5 rounds. Thanks to the Mud Dogs for drafting Ronnie Brown instead of Stephen Jackson. Thanks especially to Shu for expanding the available pool of talent by drafting retired and disabled players. Lastly, thanks to my second round playoff opponent, PTP, for failing to show up. I’d also like to take this time to dispel the recent rumors that I’ll be replacing Bill Cowher as the Steelers head coach and General Manager. Discussions with Mr. Rooney are merely in the exploratory stages. Fellow owners, rest assured the trophy and title are incapable hands for the next year. The crown will be worn with pride, the trophy cared for with Hope Diamond like white glove treatment. And yes, the shit eating championship grin will endure for the next 350+ days. Time’s yours.