THE IFL INTERVIEW featuring The Wo-Man

I recently sat down with 1995 IFL Champion The Wo-Man in his Manhattan office. I should note that it is a corner office, and he has a gay assistant, not unlike Ari Gold's flaming secretary Lloyd from the HBO series Entourage. For some reason, the assistant had a framed 3x5 picture of Shu on his desk.

Wachowski also fired two of his employees while I was there. It was corporate greed at its best...and worst.

Q: Thanks for joining us. What is the excitement level at the Wo household, with the Draft only 5 days away?

A: The excitement level is very high . . . and building. Between the Wo Matching program (matching the IFL approved budget for food and beverages) we are hoping to offer a wide-variety of hot and cold food options, soda and beer choices, and a good dessert bar. The Wife does not want any negative feedback to reflect on her or the kids, so she has taken an interest in providing plastic plates (not paper) and quality plastic silverware for this draft. Unfortunately, the 3 yr old and 1 yr old at home have not been carrying their weight in manual labor required for the gift bags intended for each owner - but we intend to get back on track this week with rotating 12 hour shifts. In addition, rumor has circulated amongst various neighbors and relatives who plan to make an appearance at the draft, contribute to Snyder's suicide pool fund, and offer independent 3rd party analysis on picks and teams as they unfold. When you add in the pre-draft gut contest and post-draft Lobster bake we are lookng at setting a new standard for IFL draft ambiances!!

Q: Let's talk more about the menu for Saturday. On the way to the Draft, should we be stopping at Wawa and picking up a meatball shorti, a bag of Doritos, a Slim Jim, Butterscotch Krimpets, and a 20 oz. Diet Berries & Cream Dr. Pepper.... or do you think your spread will have us covered? Keep in mind the average weight of an IFL owner in 2006 is approximately 270 lbs.

A: Yeah, we are well aware of the ravenous capabilities of the average IFL owner. We have done several field tests the last 6 months, last year's holiday party, summer child party, etc - and have developed what we think is a solid plan of attack to provide each IFL member with at least a full size portion of each item on the menu. From hot chicken fingers, to wrap sandwiches, to hoagies - we should be able to feed the crowd for the better part of the 5 hour draft. In addition, we have procured several bags of chips and cans of chili (chili-cheese-sour cream dip) to provide 'appetizers' to those that get there before the 12:30 menu time. But don't worry, we have installed a bug-proof screen in the bilco and an industrial size fan is available to provide good air circulation in case the chili results in undesirable intestinal effects. However we may not have the Diet Berries & Cream Dr Pepper for your soft drink enjoyment - we will though, provide a wide array of alcoholic and non-alcoholic choices to select from.

Q: Sounds wonderful. On to less important things... You have 98 wins going into the season. Do you think you will get to 100 and who would you most like to beat to win your 100th?

A: If I don't get to win 100 by week 3 is over, I will be disappointed. Hmm - tough question, but if I had to pick someone I would want it to either be the commissioner - since me and him started playing FF back in 1992, or perhaps Devo or Chaos - because they have the most successful franchises in terms of overall wins and championships. So to beat one of them for win #100 would be extra sweet.

Q: You are in jeopardy of having your legacy be that you were that guy who lost to Shap in his final game, letting him ride off in the sunset as IFL Champion. Does that still haunt you? And quite frankly, how the hell could you let that happen?

A: Yeah, that is something I have learned to live with - and thanks for the mental picture again. I prefer to look at games like this with the thought that "I GOT to the IFL Championship, but just did not outscore my opponent". Lots of other owners are happy just to make the playoffs each year - but I have been at least to the semi-finals 3 years in a row, so I EXPECT to make the playoffs and know that at some point the chips will fall my way and I will win that second Championship! That being said, I also feel I am due for a 3-10 season real soon, but hopefully after I get that second ring.

Q: If I could just be modest for a second... You and I basically conceived the IFL, on a warm summer's night back in 1993 in your parents' basement. How do you feel about creating something that makes so many people miserable every year, and what are your thoughts on how the IFL has evolved over the past 13 years?

A: Yeah, that was quite a romantic evening - but let's keep that out of the interview. It feels great to be part of something that has lasted for over 13 years now. And I do mean 'part' because the IFL is nothing without the other 13 owners. Even though some have come and gone, and come back again - I feel the IFL is as strong as it ever was and I see no end in sight. Looking back on the history of the league - there were certainly some rough times in the 1999-2000 time period when their was some instability in the commissioner's office; but since the league has gone on-line in 01 or 02, we have had relatively few rule changes, no lack of interest in new ownership, and attendance at this year's draft (from a non-owner perspective) should hit an all time high.

Q: On behalf of the rest of the league, I just wanted to thank you for bringing Meatball and Chris T into the IFL. Those two have the makings of perennial doormats. Do have any other friends who might suck this bad at fantasy?

A: I have known these two for a long time, and really scouted them out for this position in the IFL for several years now. I am hoping to be lucky enough to be in their division this year to realize some quick payback and gains (easy wins) to my decision to bring them into the IFL. Because the IFL has been around for so many years now, there is a strong interest amongst my family and close friends to join the IFL - so despite the influx of 3 new owners last year (including ROY owner Mike B) there remains a relatively healthy waiting list of owners with the hope of one day participating in this prestigious league.

Q: How do you get to the Garden State Parkway from your house? I want to go to AC after the Draft.

A: There is a direct route and a quick, back road route to AC from Jackson. Direct route is get back to 195 and go EAST (not West back towards Philly). Go about 15 minutes and you see signs and get directly on GSP South. Or you can mapquest Jackson, NJ to AC and see what it suggests, I have done it in 1 hr, 15 minutes - but I know the backroads. If you take 195 to GSP (you are going East then South) it could take 1 hr, 45 minutes.

Q: 1:45?!?!? That is not what I wanted to hear. Anyway, on a similar subject, how do you see the IFL evolving in the next 5 or 10 years?

A: yeah, it is deceiving since you are really way up north, but do your self a favor - mapquest and print it and bring it, and I might be able to cut out 20 minutes or so. The IFL in 5 or 10 years - wow, I don't see too many changes in the short-term, from a rules, fees, or hierachy perspective. Maybe in ten years we will get league fees up to about $200 and incorporate some additional rewards, bonuses, etc. But the league has always been based on no keepers and lottery day-of-draft, I think it would not be the same if we changed those features (but you never know). Hopefully we see some new and legacy owners winning the championship, as nice as it is to see some repeat winners - I would love to have the trophy include 15 different names at the 25 IFL anniversary draft in 2017, with me on there at least one more time.

Q: OK I'm out of time. Just one more question to put you on the spot - Who's going to win the IFL this year?

A: Unfortunately I think the trend of a previous winner continues - so it will not be Ellis, Snyder, RVG, Tone Money, or one of the 'new owners'. I can see Shu pulling it out, or perhaps a return to Glory for Devo. Thanks for the interview.

Q: The pleasure was all yours. I'll be sure to stop back when I have less time.