Week 9 Monday Night Milk Duds

5 games dangle in the balance, like Mike B standing naked in his backyard on a windy November afternoon.

Chinese Toys R Us 205, Ballbusters 153
(CTRU is done) (BB has W. Parker and S. Holmes)
What a game, what a game. Things weren't looking too good for me until that Sunday Night Stinker by the Birds, but I laughed it off and counted the points by Romo (37) and TO (38). Add that to Bush's 30, Winslow's 28, and Tennessee D's 30, and you have yourself a pretty stellar day in any scoring system. It's only the 2nd 200-point performance of the season (9 Fingers put up 217 in Week 2)... but wait, we're not done yet! Ballbusters can still win the game! 52 out of Willie Parker and Santonio is not out of the question, but it will be tough vs. the Baltmore D (who isn't as elite as they once were). Bob had the day of his life yesterday, thanks in part to Favre's 37, Lorenzo White put up 22 running for the Oilers, and uh... some guy from Minnesota had 61. Not bad. Anyway, it's safe to say that if Ballbusters wins, this game will set all kinds of records, and Bob will wear the crown as King of Monday Night. I predict a 1-point CTRU win. This weekend, Bob the Ballbuster actually stated that "The winner of this game wins the division". While I don't necessarily believe that statement, it is true that every game between Central foes down the stretch is going to weigh heavily.

If the unthinkable happens, CTRU would fall to 6-3 and a game out, while a win will tie up 1st place in the Central and set up the GOTY next week. Ballbusters are currently .500 so do the math. A loss will all but end their chances at the division, but keep up the good work, Bob, the Wild Card is anyone's who wants it.

9 Fingers 113, Lizard Kings 106
(9F is done) (LK has Pitt DEF)
You gotta like Johnny's chances with the Stillers D at home vs the Ravens. He only needs 7 pts, and he'll be 2-7, and for Shu, a loss to the 1-win LK's will be devastating, as he will have squandered a chance to keep up with the shit-hot Central Division race. Jay Cutler (1 pt) was injured early in the game and that killed Fingers. Moss has his usual great day (34), what do you expect there. John had a career day out of the controversial rookie RB Marshawn Lynch, who put up 40. Manning was worth 27 in a losing cause for the Colts also. LK will be 2-7 and only 3 games back in the West with a win! Shu will fall to 5-4, 2 games back in the East, and possibly tied for 3rd place.

Mighty Meatballs 143, Mud Dogs 122
(MM is done) (MD has Hines Ward)
I like this Meatball kid, I told you he was gonna be good one day. Just a week removed from his top-notch performance vs. Ballbusters (only to be struck down by a Favre OT bomb), he puts up an impressive 143. And now that Brees is back to top form (45), and with the Addai trade (49), Meatballs could make some serious noise. Unfortunately they're stuck in last place in a division whose teams could all be considered to be in the top half of the IFL right now. Mike P. had a ridiculous day from Engram (38 pts; 14 catches), while Brady came back down to earth a bit (28). The balance of this game lies in the hands of Hines Ward.... Meatballs will improve to 4-5 with a win, or 3-6 with a loss and you can consider them done. Mud Dogs will actually climb into 1st place in the East with a win and a BC Bombers loss, at 5-3-1. If not they're still right in it.

Dragons 87, BC Bombers 77
(Drag has McNair and McGahee) (BCB has Clayton)
This one has the looks of a Dragons win. Lee Evans (36) clearly looks better in a Dragons uniform, as he looks like a world-beater compared to his stint on Napalm Death this year. BCB's only noteworthy player was Portis (30). Dragons will be unbelievably be a game out of first in the West with a win, while BCB is on his way to dropping 3 out of his last 4 and losing his grip on the East, a division that seemingly nobody wants to win.

Notorious RVG 89, Dead Beats 72
(RVG is done) (DB has D. Mason)
Another East stinker. RVG got 23 from Palmer. Dead Beats high man was the Carolina DEF (23), and LT (19) was outclassed in Minnesota. 17 out of Mason may be asking too much. RVG will get back to .500 with a win (4-4-1), and the funeral services for Dead Beats season (probably 3-6) will be held Wednesday at Galzarano Funeral Home.


These games are done. Just wipe the seat before you leave.

Napalm Death 124, Hit Squad 123
(FINAL)
The Trade That Keeps On Giving, gave a win to Devo Sunday night, thanks to B-West's 35 and McNabb's 15, which was precisely how much ND needed to pull off the big win, putting them at 7-2 and at least sharing 1st place in the Central and the best record in the IFL. Hit Squad, led by Gonzo (31), Derek Montana, I mean, Anderson (25), and LJ (24) are now 4-5, which puts them in great shape in the East. So with the best record in the league, does this mean that the "old" Devo is back (Devo 1.0)? We shall see, but this sets up a huge, huge, HUGE game vs. CTRU in Week 10. Seriously, it's huge.

Part Time Pimps 130, Razen Kanes 96
(PTP has Big Ben) (RK is done)
Tone Money. What happened, man? You used to be the damn best. Now you've lost 3 straight and your lead in the West, once thought to be insurmountable, is down to 1 game over PTP and Dragons. Hasselbeck (31) and Dunn (21) actually had good days, but Steve Smith (4) continues to disappoint. Colston (30) and Jennings (29) were the big men on campus for the Pimps, and Detroit DEF was worth a monstrous 44. Kanes are 5-4, PTP is 4-5 in that Wild West.


Good luck to everyone tonight. I'll be watching the game on ESPN Deportes after smoking a blunt, so I can laugh at the guys calling the game in Spanish. The laughter may cease if Fast Willie rips off a 60-yard TD run.