IFL After 6 - and other nonsense

After the first half of divisional play is complete, let's take a quick look at the division races.

In the East, we have 4 teams within a game of each other. Unfortunately Mud Dogs are at the top, at a laughable 3-2-1. I can't believe this guy is still running hot. Lizard Kings and Napalm Death are each 1/2 game back at 3-3, although ND won head-to-head with a 142-87 flogging of Johnny in Week 2. Mighty Meatballs are in 4th place, 1 GB at 2-3-1, the other half of that ridiculous tie with Mike P. And driving the caboose is the great Razen Kanes at 1-5, whose epic failure of a season can't end soon enough.

In the high-powered Central, we have 3 of the 4 highest scoring teams in the IFL leading the pack. Ballbusters and Dragons are tied for 1st, with the best record in the IFL at 5-1. Dragons breathed a lethal combination of fire and halitosis on Ballbusters, winning the head-to-head matchup in Week 2, 115-86 (they next meet in Week 13). Wo is also riding a 5-game win streak. A game behind those two ass pirates is the Notorious RVG, highest scoring team in the league, although he is 4-2. He handed Dragons their only defeat in Week 1. Then we have the weakerthans, starting with 1-5 Purple Throbbing Pens. After such a promising start (beating Dead Beats in Wk 1), they've dropped 5 straight. Dead Beats remain as our only winless team. Although I'll give him some credit for being more unlucky than horrible (where as PTP has been outright horrible). Beats lost their first four games by 7, 1, 3, and 2 points. Ouch.


Out West, it's a triumverade of blubber, body odor, and big noses. Hit Squad, 9 Fingers, and Rich & Creamy Nougat all sit at 4-2. RCN's 2 losses are to the other teams he's tied with, which puts him in a precarious tiebreak position. And Hit Squad did beat Shu, and he is 3-0 in the division. Nice work, assbag. The worst part about this is - Hit Squad is the 3rd lowest scoring team in the entire IFL! What a dick! Then we have THE lowest scoring team in the league, in last place at 2-4, none other than Bucks County Bombers. God damn disgrace. Their 2-4 record is fraudulent, but they did get their comeuppance from their West counterparts, as they are 0-3 in the division.


POINTS PER GAME RANKINGS (sponsored by Texas Instruments calculators)

1) Notorious RVG 131.5
2) 9 Fingers 131.3
3) Ballbusters 127.8
4) Dragons 127.3
5) R&C Nougat 126.0
6) Mud Dogs 122.8
7) Lizard Kings 121.8
8) Napalm Death 113.7
9) PTPens 112.5
10) Dead Beats 112.0
11) Mighty Meat 111.3
12) Hit Squad 104.7
13) Razen Kanes 92.3
14) BC Bombers 92.0


suckle gently upon the WEEK 7 SCHEDULE, sponosored by Playtex Bras

It's interdivisonal play week, and this year, the theme is tits.

9 Fingers aka 9 Funbags (4-2) vs. Napalm Death aka Nipple Death (3-3)
- average breast (cup) size of owners - firm C

Mighty Meatballs aka Mighty Milkbags (2-3-1) vs. Notorious RVG aka Fundubulous DDD (4-2)
- average cup size of owners - supple C

Purple Throbbing Pens aka Purple Throbbing Areolas (1-5) vs. Razen Kanes aka Razen Kans (1-5)
- average breast size of owners - pointy A

Mud Dogs aka Mud Puppies (3-2-1) vs. Dragons aka Wo Whoppers (5-1)
- average boob size - concave A

B.C. Bombers aka B.C. Boobies (2-4) vs. Lizard Kings aka Lactating Kings (3-3)
- average bust size - a surprisingly nice B cup, pushed up

Dead Beats aka 38DDead Teats (0-6) vs. Hit Squad aka Tit Squad (4-2)
- average can size - DDD, they look like a couple of bowling pins

Game of the Week - Rich & Creamy Nougat aka Rich & Creamy Knockers (4-2) vs. Ballbusters aka Bra-busters (5-1). Average jug size - sloppy D.

Predicted winners - Funbags over Nipples, DDDs over Milkbags, Areolas over Kans, Whoppers over Puppies, Lactation over Boobies, Teats over Tits, and Knockers over Bras.


COMMUNITY BULLETIN

Meatball is having a Halloween Party the night of World Series Game 3. Come dressed as a woman and get fingerbanged by Meat's horny friends. Also, his place is right near Frankford and Cottman so if the Phils win the party will spill out into the streets of Mayfair!

Wo is selling his old piece of shit car, please email him or send a message via IFL message board with any offers.


Good luck this week and peace and love, peace and love.


oh, and GO PHILS