Week 2 Monday Night Melee

A whopping 4 games have reached climax after Sunday's day-long football orgy. The 3 others either have a bad case of ED, or they got the Football Fever baby, cause it's Monday Night!!!! (cue crickets soundbyte)

Hit Squad 122, Biff Pocoroba Massacre 94
(FINAL)
Do not be fooled, folks. The BPM is not as good as their 94 point score looks. Once again, they were absolutely carried by the Baltimore D (45), which has been outstanding this year. Matt Stover also had a nice week, with 16. Other than that, oogatz. The rest of the lineup is absolute trash (except for Edge, who had a mediocre 12). I actually benched my 2nd round pick, Lamont Jordan, and he made me look good by putting up his 2nd straight goose egg (great pick!). Jake Plummer is worth (-2) this year so far. Enough. Let us give some credit to Hit Squad, who had great days from McNabb (33) and Westbrook (21), despite the Eagles implosion at the Linc. Their Bears D was not too shabby either, with a 33-bomb. Hit Squad now stands in first place in the West at 2-0, looking strong. BPM is 0-2 and only getting worse.

Part Time Pimps 114, Dead Beats 109
(FINAL)
Chaos' Sunday night comeback came up short, as Bledsoe's 19 was not enough. It had to hurt seeing Pennington's 32 points on the bench. In the battle of LJ vs. LT, PTP's 1st rounder, Tomlinson, prevailed once again, his 27-22 edge over Johnson making up the difference in the game. PTP is now 2-0 in the East and Mike B continues to steamroll through the IFL in only his 2nd season. 3-time champ Dead Beats are 0-2 and dwelling in the East cellar. Quite a trend Chaos is starting here...terrible in even-numbered years, winning titles in odd-numbered years.

Napalm Death 120, Blue Dogs 81
(FINAL)
The streak is over! Devo has won an IFL game for the first time since 2004! He somehow got 26 out of Galloway, whose team lost 14-3. Palmer was also good for 26. For Bob and his Blue Dogs, the long year and even longer IFL career trudges along, the losses piling up like dirty laundry. Delhomme (5) has been a complete disappointment (yeah, I feel your pain - see 2005 Cambodian Slick). Plaxico (24) was his only saving grace. and boy, is he loved here in Philly. Blue fell to 0-2 in the Central, and ND is at 1-1.

Bucks County Bombers 117, Notorious RVG 103
(BCB has Steelers D; RVG is done)
The praise and fan mail continue to pile up for Chris T and the BCB. He's put himself in great position to win the weekly $20 for the 2nd consecutive week. At this rate, he's going to need to fill out a Form W-2G for the IRS. As for RVG, who watched the games at my house yesterday, he needs to fill out a Form RVG-12-P (for the number of slices of pizza he ate). Just kidding, he was not gluttonous yesterday, and in fact, he was a model houseguest....he only left shitstains in 2 of my 3 toilets. BCB was helped not by pseudo-superstars Hasselbeck (9 - bah!) and Fitzgerald (I scoff at his 5), but by this wishbone RB attack, all of whom ran for 100+ yards: S. Jackson (15 pts), C. Taylor (16) and Frank Gore (22). Not to mention All-World WR A. Bryant and his 30 pts. RVG was carried by Peyton's huge day (400 yds, 39 pts) but it's not enough to stop the machine that is B.C. Bombers, your 2006 IFL Champs. Just give them the trophy now, because all trophies are won in September, right? BCB is 2-0 going on 15-0, RVG is 1-1 in Central IFL.


And now, the games whose outcome hinges on tonight's Stillers-Jagwires Monday Night Football hype-fest. Ooh I hope Travis Tritt performs on ESPN at halftime, then they bring him into the booth so they can talk to him while the game is going on.


Razen Kanes 106, Dragons 74
(Kanes are done; Dragons have Big Ben and F. Taylor)
Me and Wo-Man laughed it up over a Cuban and a $400 bottle of wine when we found out that we had Tone Money and Hit Squad in our division....but who's laughing now? (not me) Big Ben is back after all the motorcrashes and appendix explosions, and he's ready to start putting up fantasy numbers. Between him and Freddie T, Wo-Man still has some hope (unlike me). As for Sunday's festivities, Kanes had a well balanced attack led by Rudi (29) and Deuce (16), but their 3rd RB, Cadillac, has been a major disappointment. He joined the bagel club yesterday with a big round number. Their immediate future outlook is even better, since they have Terry Glenn, who will be the main man in Big D for a few weeks with TO's injury. Dragons had good days out of D-Jax (24) and Harrison (20), but it was mediocrity elsewhere. If things stay as they are, Kanes will move into a tie for first in the West at 2-0 and Dragons will join the Western losers' lounge at 0-2. A Wo comeback puts them both at 1-1.

Mighty Meatballs 87, Mud Dogs 80
(MM is done; MD has Matt Jones)
Tonight's outlook is cut and dry, Mike P needs at least 7 out of Matt Jones. Neither team had anyone score 20 points or more, but there was mediocre balance all the way around. Meatballs were actually led by their D (Bucs = 19) and kicker (Vinatieri = 17), which seems to be all the rage in the IFL this year. Mud Dogs got 16 out of Keyshawn, their leading scorer. Ew. Well, I tried to generate some excitement in this IFL East tussle. I only have so much to work with here. Mighty Meat is 0-1 and Mud Dogs are 1-0...do the math.

Nine Fingers 72, Lizard Kings 63
(9F has H. Ward; LK has W. Parker)
It's teams like 9 Fingers and Lizard Kings that make me think my team may not be the worst in the IFL this year. I am damn close to it though. But these guys are bad. For Shu, it was Eli (35!) and Coles (23) and a bunch of 2s and 3s. His team's box score looks like Tiger Woods' scorecard. And John E joined the Defense-and-Kicker-are-my-best-players Club, with SD D carrying the load with a whopping 16. Somehow Doug Gabriel ended up in his starting lineup (zero), while newly acquired Jerricho Cotchery put up a 31-bomb on the Kings' bench. Right game (NYJ-NE), wrong WR. So stay tuned tonight, as this game has the makings of the old Bungals-Browns clashes from the mid-90s or Colts-Patriots from the late 80s, when both teams would win a combined 3 games every year. Loser drops to 0-2 in the IFL Mid-Continent Division, while the winner is only a game worse than BCB at 1-1!