Week 1 Monday Night Madness

We have 4 games on the Week 1 marquis which still need some help from tonight’s MNF double bill to declare a winner. Vikings-Redskins at 7 and Bolts-Raiders at 10:15. Looks like another sub-4 hour night of sleep.

Razen Kanes 85, Biff Pocoroba Massacre 68
(Kanes are done; BPM has L. Jordan)
A flaccid outing by the BPM. Thank god for the Baltimore D (39) or this would be one of the all-time ugly games. Tone Money didn't exactly light it up either... his kicker was his high scorer with 15. 100 yards and a TD should do it for Lamont, maybe a few catches… Losing to Tone Money in Week 1 would certainly foreshadow the remainder of my season, but if yesterday’s output is any indication…it’s gonna be a long season anyway.

Notorious RVG 105, Nine Fingers 85
(RVG is done; Shu has R. Moss and Wash DEF)
Shu could pull off one of the most unlikely wins of all time tonight... not only was his head in Thailand when he drafted, but he was 30,000 feet over the Pacific while yesterday's games were being played. His TVs and remotes were certainly thankful for that. He was helped by a big performance from L. Coles (24), while TO (16) and Eli (18) also chipped in nice games. RVG's performance is marred by the fact that his kicker was his high scorer....albeit Wilkins (23), who booted 6 FGs. Is it me or did kickers and defenses do better than QBs and RBs yesterday?

Hit Squad 110, Dragons 77
(HS is done, Dragons have QB B. Johnson)
This one is likely over barring a minor miracle from the Vikings QB. Who does he expect to throw to, to get those 34 points? Hit Squad had top-notch performances from his Bears D (33) and McNabb (32). Wo-Man had good days out of Harrison (21) and Fragile Fred (19). I guess that Greg Jones injury was a good thing.

Part Time Pimps 73, Mighty Meatballs 64
(PTP has Tomlinson; MM has Cooley and Gates)
Precarious position for the Mighty one, as he needs his 2 TEs to outscore the greatest fantasy player in the land by 11. Joey's Sunday Meatballs were very dry on this day, with only Stallworth (27) and Vinatieri (17) adding significant flavor. For PTP, nobody spectacular, but LT should change that and help him hold on tonite. Looks like the Meat-a-balls still sit at 1 (one) career win.


These games are over. Congrats to the winners.

Mud Dogs 86, Napalm Death 67
FINAL (MD has S. Moss, ND is done)
This definitely looked more like the Devo of 2004 than the Devo of the IFL's first decade, further proof that he has not only fallen back to the pack, but fallen below the Mendoza line. An opening day loss to Pisco! Unfathomable! Where do I begin with this atrocity? How about two of his starting WRs, putting up goose eggs...Curtis and Galloway. Thank god for his Falcons D (again with the defenses!) and Tiki who put up 23. His only saving grace is that Tiki looks like the best RB in the league right now, although taken with a grain of salt since they were playing the Colts papier mache run defense. Mud Dogs had a pedestrian performance, with the only standout being QB Warner (34).

Blue Dogs 77, Lizard Kings 55
FINAL
A real snoozer. A little bit of bad luck for the El-Train... OK a lot of bad luck. For starters, his #1 pick (Steve Smith) was out. His replacement in the lineup, Jurevicius, put up a goose egg. Then his kicker is out, so he gets 0 from that position. Then his QB gets decapitiated in the 1st quarter of his game, and he's worth 0. All in all, a banner day at the Ellis household. Blue Dogs weasel their way into a Week 1 victory, but it ain't a beauty pageant, it's the IFL. A win is a win. Bob's high scorer was Plaxico, with 17.

B.C. Bombers 120, Dead Beats 44
(BCB has C. Taylor; DB has T. Taylor and McCardell)
Oh how the mighty have fallen. The defending champs start off with a complete dud, with only #1 overall pick LJ scoring in double digits. And Travis Taylor and McCardell don't exactly have double-digit potential. The Bombers got the lions' share of their points out of that 49ers-Cards game, with Gore (31), Fitzgerald (23), and A Bryant (16) lighting up the scoreboard. Right now, they look to have the high score for the week and the $20 wrapped up.


Sunday's Top Shelf Performances

QB - Kurt Warner, Mud Dogs - 34
RB - Frank Gore, B.C. Bombers - 31
WR - Donte Stallworth, Mighty Meatballs - 27
K - Jeff Wilkins, Notorious RVG - 23
DEF - Baltimore, Biff Pocoroba Massacre - 39