IFL Week 11 Monday Night Diarrhea

The following games have HUGE fantasy implications!!!!!

Dead Beats 74, Biff Pocoroba Massacre 62
(DB has Reg. Williams, BPM has Jones-Drew)
Does anyone care about this game? I guess Dead Beats are still in the hunt for the #6 seed, so I guess this is somewhat noteworthy. For the Beats, LJ was worth 28 and Wayne worth 25...so do the math and you can figure how the rest of the team did. For Biff, it was the usual slop led by Thomas Jones' 15. A comeback win is not out of the question tonight, and it would certainly put a nail in King Chaos' coffin. Keep in mind that we are in an even-numbered year, in which Dead Beats always blow moosecock (yet they win titles in odd-numbered years). If DB wins, they will be 5-6 and still alive, if not he'll be 4-7 and dead in the water. Biff needs a win to keep pace with Mighty Meatballs.

Napalm Death 84, Mighty Meatballs 72
(ND has Tiki; MM has Plaxico)
I thought my game was bad.... 2 horseshit teams here. The best possible result is ND going to 4-7 and Meatballs falling to a career-best 2-9.


These games are ovah.

Part Time Pimps 72, Mud Dogs 67
(FINAL)
Wow - this has to be one of the most unusual games in IFL history. PTP was putting up an all-time clunker until LT completely bailed them out on Sunday night, putting up 51, an amazing 70% of his team's output for the week. Don't cry for MudDogs, they didn't deserve to win either, with their Dolphins D putting up the majority of their points, with 27. Congrats to PTP, who clinches the East, going to 9-2. MudDogs fall back in the pack at 5-6.

Razen Kanes 104, BC Bombers 100
(FINAL)
A big win for Tone Money as he goes to 6-5. This was all Patriots, as Brady (38) and the Pats D (31) provided much of the Kanes' punch. The Bombers fell short despite the great day for Frank Gore (28)...but if he only had a TD to go with those 212 rushing yards! BCB falls back in the crowded Central to 7-4, still very much in the playoff picture.

Notorious RVG 101, Lizard Kings 97
(FINAL)
Oh poor Ellis. He had a chance to take the Central division by the balls, but Javon Walker came up small, with only 6 in the Sunday nighter. He had a well-balanced attack led by who else, Steve Smith's 21. The Notorious one was led by the Carolina D (42), one of many D's in the league who had big days yesterday. In this Game of the Week (it woulda been had I posted one), Gross takes a 1-game lead in the Central at 8-3, while Lizard Kings fall back to 7-4 tied with BC Bombers.

9 Fingers 63, Blue Dogs 48
(9F had Eli; BD is done)
More manure-like substances in this battle of the Central lesser-thans. Shu is 4-7, Blue is 3-8. Time to start checking the mail for Bowl Game invitations. The Cambodian Leaf Blower Bowl sponsored by Lincoln Financial Ass-ets awaits.

Hit Squad 190, Dragons 43
(HS is done; Dragons have F Taylor and Jags DEF)
Dragons started the wrong Bell! Tatum was inactive and Mike Bell put up 20. This surely would've been the difference and Wo should have won. Meanwhile, back in fantasy land, Holland has set a new IFL record for most consecutive wins to start a season, maybe the record for most consecutive wins ever, I'll have to check the archives. It's getting ridiculous. The only hope for us all is that the McNabb injury will slow the Hit Squad down. Yesterday's numbers - Lee Evans 62, Chad Johnson 50, T Henry 29, Westbrook 27. Sickening. HS is 11-0 and has clinched a bye. Their magic number for the 1 seed is 1, but an interesting matchup looms in Week 13, when he faces off against his cousin's PTPs in an incestual orgy of bloated fantasy numbers, large cocks, and hairy backs, that could actually be for the #1 seed if Holland loses next week and Mike B wins. As for Dragons, the timing couldn't be any worse. First they lose the midterm elections, then Wo finds out his son's projected height at adulthood is only going to be 6'7 3/4", and now they are officially eliminated from the West Division race at 5-6.