Week 1 Monday Night Mango Madness

Ahhh Week 1. It was great to be back, wasn't it? Yesterday had a little bit of everything, I got drunk, big win for the Birds (which I would have loved to enjoy), Phils big win in the afternoon, I had a nice day with the bookie. Like I said, ahhhhh. Of course, I was so focused on the games and my drinking that I forgot to live blog. But really, who gives a frog's fat one. You saw me in the chat and I gave my 2 cents there (thank god that is back btw, I couldn't live without words of wisdom from Mike B or Mike P during the games!).

Now, on to serious business. The IFL games and tonight's MNF doubleheader's impact on them. It's Vikings-Pack at the extremely inconvenient time of 7pm, followed by Broncos-Raiders at the even more ballbreaking time of 10pm. Thanks to DVR, I'll probably catch the Vikes game, but I can almost guarantee I'll be sawing logs by halftime of the AFC West suckfest.

But so much for IFL drama. Only two games hang in the balance, like a hairy mole hanging from the skin of Holland's scrotum, flapping in the wind.


Dragons 129, Notorious RVG 113
(RVG has Rodgers)
Well-balanced effort by Wo-Man, who got to see all the games via his Sony Watchman from Section B, Pew 17, Seat 1 from St. Johnny's Church in Central New Jersey. Romo/TO (25/19) was as advertised (I highly recommended Wo pick those 2), and Cotchery had a solid game as well (23). Must be the new QB. RVG had an outstanding performance from Fast Willie (36), who seemingly slipped everyone's subconscious as we prepared for the draft. Calvin Johnson was dope too (22), as was Thomas Jones (24) - another guy cast off as a has-been. All the lightweight RVG needs now is 17 out of Rodgers and this scrap heap will be 1-0.

PTP 98, Dead Beats 55
(DB has Cutler and Selvin Young)
Hines Ward (25) was the only player of note in this game, for PTP. The most disturbing part about this game was that we were subject to Mike B's rants on anything other than football, ranging from his electrical shortcomings to Division III football. Dude, no one cares. Oklahoma is 2-0 and sure to be rising to #1 once all these fraud teams falter. That's all you need to care about. As for this game... who cares. Let's hope Cutler throws a 90-yarder to Selvin in the 1st quarter so everyone can get to bed at a reasonable hour.


As for the rest. Hope you had as much fun watching them, as I did writing about them, which was zero.

Hit Squad 123, Rich & Creamy Nougat 94
(HS has R. Grant and Driver) (Nougat has Packers DEF)
According to Sportsline, only 2% of fantasy teams own Hank Baskett, and 1% started him. Ladies and gentleman, meet a man who is in the first percentile of fantasy brilliance, Mike Holland. I've lost many fantasy games over the years, but this one is an all-time kick in the sack. McNabb's 47, I could live with. Baskett's 29, not so much. No one else really did anything for Hit Squad, other than Harrison's 13. And we'll see about tonight, before we crown his ass as the greatest owner of all time. As for the Nougat, not a terrible performance, but not great. Eli put up 14 on Thursday, that might be all we can expect out of him on your average week. Gore put up his usual 25, and Jacobs looked great in an 18-point performance on Thurs. Braylon Edwards has more drops than he had points (3), and he will be meeting with me in my office Tuesday morning, and it won't be a pleasant conversation.

Napalm Death 143, Mighty Meatballs 76
(Meat has McFadden)
Dubious start for the Mighty Mini, as his 1st 2 round picks lived up to their billing, but no one else showed up. Moss has 26 and Manning 18. Although the news of Brady's injury does not bode well for Moss in the short term. Let's see who the Pats replace Brady with. Napalm had huge days out of Bush (35 - and again, I must ask where that was last year) and the freakin Cards D (27). Other superstars for SuperDevo were B-West (23), Chris Johnson (21), and Big Ben (17). The team to beat in the IFL this year? Maybe. Especially since he got a new hyperbaric chamber to watch the games in on Sundays, maximizing his oxygen intake. I can't wait to sneak in there and bust ass one day, so he can breathe that in for 7 straight hours.

Mud Dogs 94, Razen Kanes 50
(MD has Peterson and S. Rice) (Kanes have R. Curry and Vikings DEF)
Brady, out for the year? Man, I had championship aspirations for Tone Money! I guess he'll have to rely on Brodie Croyle...oh wait, he's hurt too. Maybe Mike P can lend him a QB, as he has 3 future Hall of Famers... Favre (25), Pennington (22), and Trent Edwards (16). Andre Johnson also had a nice game for Mud Dogs. Edge (15) and the kicker (11) were the only ones in double digits for Tone.

9 Fingers 115, BC Bombers 29
(9F has Jennings) (BCB has J. Walker and Crosby)
Wow. Not one player on BCB with double digits. All that time Chris T spent on pondering his wonderful picks...that's 2 1/2 hours of my life I want back. I could have been doing something productive. Congrats to Shu though, he had some solids - Kitna (23), Wayne (24), and his 2 starting RBs, Lynch and K Smith each pitched in 18.

Ballbusters 169, Lizard Kings 106
(LK has Darrell Jackson?)
Whoa, Bob... easy. It's only Week 1, no need to shoot such big loads. Burner Turner was the breakout star of yesterday (46) and Brees was stellar with 44. As for Lizard Kings...seriously, John? Darrell Jackson? Unless he pulls a Baskett, you're looking at another 2-win season, pal. He did have a great night out of Plaxico (28) last Thursday, but that seems like eons ago. Kings will suffer their first loss of many this season.