Odds to Win 2008 IFL Championship

Ladies and gentlemen, live from the strip in Las Vegas, inside his personal executive men's room stall in the penthouse of the most luxurious, over-the-top resort in the universe, the Tangiers Hotel and Casino, we bring you Sam "Ace" Rothstein's Odds to win the 2008 IFL Championship!!!

Wo------------------------- 6-1
Chris T--------------------- 8-1
RVG----------------------- 10-1
Whit----------------------- 12-1
Mike B--------------------- 13-1
B'busting Bob-------------- 15-1
Shu----------------------- Shu-1
John E--------------------- 16-1
Devo----------------------- 20-1
Tone $--------------------- 25-1
Meatball------------------- 33-1
Chaos---------------------- 44-1
Mike P---------------- 45,000-1
Holland---------------- 1,000,000,000,000-1 (one trillion-to-one)

Despite the long odds, save your money on Holland, invest in junk bonds or start lending money to high-risk borrowers or something. Mike P's 45K-1 looks enticing, but must I remind you again, there has never been a repeat champion, and not to mention, he is a dope and he will not win again. The odds on Wo-Man are a little ambitious, as he has his hands full with other things and I do not feel he is fully focused on football. Shu's odds look rather tasty, even though I am not sure what the payout would be. My best bet would be Tone Money at 25-1, as I feel he is on the cusp of greatness. Put your house on it. And if you lose your house, you can always stay at the Tangiers Hotel and Casino for a couple weeks.


Please give a warm welcome to Nevada State Gaming Commission director of alcohol, cocaine, heroin, and fantasy football, Mr. Lester Diamond, who will give us the particulars on the over/unders for IFL wins.

(regular season wins only)

Tone $----------------- 13.5
Wo---------------------- 9.9
Christ------------------- 9.001
RVG-------------------- 8.5
Whit-------------------- 8.5
Mike B------------------ 7.5
Ballbusting Robert------ 7.25
Shu--------------------- 6.5
John E------------------ 6.5
Devo-------------------- 6.5
Meatball---------------- 5.5
Chaos------------------- 4.5
Mike P------------------ 2.5
Holland------------------ 0.0



And now, let me introduce my good friend from back home, Nicky Santoro, who will deliver the prop bets for the 2008 IFL Draft.

Gambling lingo
+ means bet $100 to win that much
- means bet that much to win $100

Holland showing up at the draft
Yes +1400 (bet $100 to win $1400)
No -2000 (bet $2000 to win $100)

Mike B will put grill marks on his schlong
Yes -360
No +450

Meatball will almost drown in the kiddie section of the pool
Yes -500
No +600

Wo-Man will accidentally bump his head on the sun
Yes -110
No -110

Chris T will say something interesting
Yes +240
No -278

RVG will show up 100 lbs lighter than last year
Yes -1500
No +1750

Shu will bring a date to the draft
Yes +140
No -160

the date will be under the age of 18
Yes -400
No +369

the underage girl could probably draft better than Shu
Yes -420
No +399

Holland will leave with Shu's date
Yes -110
No -110

Out of these 4, who will be dressed the worst?
Mike P------------- 1-3
John E------------- 5-1
Devo--------------- 8-1
Tone Money----- 500-1

Who will win the 2008 IFL Gut Contest sponsored by Folgers?

Holland--------- even $
Chaos----------- 4-1
Whit----------- 10-1
BB Bob--------- 18-1
Devo----------- 22-1
RVG---------- 140-1

(inside info: the Gut Contest will likely be fixed so that Snyder wins it, so expect his odds to decrease dramatically in the hours before the shirts come off)


Please fill out bet slips COMPLETELY before coming to the Tangiers Sportsbook window. Anyone caught cheating will have their hand pounded with a hammer, their balls stabbed with ice picks, their head squeezed in a vice, and will be pummeled with a Louisville Slugger by Frank Marino, and left to die in a shallow grave in the desert outside Las Vegas. Thanks for playing with us and make sure you tip your valet parking attendant!


Sincerely,
Sam "Ace" Rothstein
Tangiers Casino Head of Monetary Operations
Host of "Aces High" TV variety show
IFL Gambling Consultant