Week 5 Monday Night Morbidity

GAME OVER

Blue Dogs 85, Notorious RVG 82
FINAL - (RVG is done, BD has Jamal Lewis)
Blue Dogs off the snyde with a fair and balanced lineup, featuring Plexiglass (15), Reggae Brown (13) and Boldin (13). RVG was killed by a couple donkey games - 1-point efforts by both Gonzo and Wilford. Blue Dogs need 58 out of Lewis to win the $20. They're at 2-3 while RVG falls to 3-2 in the Central.

Dead Beats 103, Mighty Meatballs 20
FINAL
In what is by far the most troubling and apathetic (and pathetic) performance in IFL history, Meatball starts 3 players who were well known to be OUT - Stallworth, Culpepper, and Vinatieri. Unacceptable effort. Dead Beats had a decent day anyway, so we'll say they deserve the W. LJ had a big day with 27, but was hurt late in the game. Stay tuned for his prognosis. Dead Beats will be 2-3 in the East. Meatballs are 0-5.

Razen Kanes 83, Nine Fingers 56
FINAL
I can't knock Shu too much because at least there is some semblance of an effort there. His team just had a subpar day yesterday. OK he's having a subpar year. TO was worth 3, and that pretty much set the tone for the rest of his lineup. Speaking of Tone, the Damn Best is a shocking 4-1 in the West but in 2nd place! Deuce led the way with a 21-spot. Shu falls to 1-4 in the Central.

Hit Squad 143, Mud Dogs 46
(HS is done; MD has Mark Clayton, WR-Bal)
OK I'm officially frightened by Holland. However, I still say this team will go as far as McNabb and Westbrook take them, and if they stay as white-hot as they are, it could be a 10-year anniversary championship for Hit Squad. Mud Dogs were basically exposed for the pathetic team that they are, and I truly feel this week was more of an indication of how good the team is as opposed to their 4 wins. Hit Squad remains atop the West at 5-0, Mud Dogs still in 1st in the East at 4-1.


NOT SO FAST, MY FRIENDS

Dragons 89, Biff Pocoroba Massacre 53
(DGNS are done; BPM has Stover and Balt D)
In this matchup between the dregs of the West, it will come down to defense and special teams - which is what fantasy is all about. Balt D is averaging about 31 ppg, so it's not inconceivable that the Massacre pulls this out, but in Denver it might be a tough night for them. Hopefully Stover will bang a couple 50-yarders in that mile high air. As for Dragons effort yesterday, they were aided by the Dallas D's 21 while Wo-Man was not even watching the game! In fact, I would bet that he was secretly rooting for the Cowboys deep down inside. How can you root for this guy? You can't. The winner of this one will be 2-3 in the West and the loser will fall 4 games back of Hit Squad at 1-4.

BC Bombers 102, Lizard Kings 94
(BCB is done; LK has J. Walker and Heap)
I'd have to say chances are good that BC Bombers have lost their first game, at the hands of none other than John E. Lizard Kings' big hitter was the Eagles D, worth 37 in a herculean effort. BCB had a better than expected effort out of fill-in QB Damon Huard (22 pts), and starting RBs Gore and C. Taylor each chipped in 21. But that was about it, and on this day, the Eagles D looks like they will reign supreme again, unless Walker and Heap each lay major league eggs, which is definitely possible.

Part Time Pimps 114, Napalm Death 72
(PTP has D. Mason; ND has Broncos DEF)
PTPs were hugely aided by their D and special teams (hopefully a sign of things to come for me tonite) - with Vikings D worth 39 and Robbie F'n Gould putting up 23. At this rate he'll be the first kicker to be NFL MVP since Mark Moseley in '82. As for the IFL, he's still considered half a man. Speaking of half-men, half-robots, Devo is in danger of slipping to 2-3 in the East. Pimps are in danger of going to 3-2 in the East.