Week 16 IFL Championship and other games with money on the line

2009 IFL Championship

9 FINGERS vs. BUCKS COUNTY BOMBERS

2009 IFL-BCS Consolation Prize

Napalm Death vs. Purple Throbbing Pens

2009 IFL $20 Gang Bang

All IFL teams eligible for $20 prize, except 9 Fingers and BC Bombers. Highest scoring team wins. Who couldn't use an extra $20 this time of year.

Week 15 IFL Postseason Parade

First the results from last week's action

#1 seed 9 Fingers spackled a hole in his living room wall and installed a new light bulb in the ceiling fan in his kitchen.

#2 seed BC Bombers went cliff diving in Acapulco and made 9 women have orgasms just by looking at them.

>>>Wild Card Games<<<

#3 Dead Beats 138, #6 Ballbusters 101. Chris Johnson = 50. Also, both defenses were worth 30 pts. Kooky.

#5 Notorious RVG 129, #4 Rich & Creamy Nougat 111. As you heard, I left 51 pts on the bench, thanks Eli. Brees had 32 for Gross.

>>>IFL-BCS First Round

Tiger Woods Nutgobbler Bowl: Razen Kanes over Mud Dogs

Dogshit Classic: Napalm Death over Hit Squad

Always Shitty Bowl: Purple Throbbing Pens over Mighty Meatballs

Sarah Palin Bowl: Dragons over Lizard Kings

Here are the Week 15 games...

***IFL Semifinals***

#1 9 Fingers vs. #5 Notorious RVG

(Shu has MJD on Thurs. RVG has Brees (and maybe Barber) on Sat.)

#2 BC Bombers vs. #3 Dead Beats

(BCB has Romo and Pierre on Sat. Chaos has Austin on Sat.)

*BCS Semifinals (these teams are only 2 Wins Away From $20)

Count Chocula Bowl

Razen Kanes vs. Purple Throbbing Pens

Frank's Black Cherry Wishniak Bowl

Napalm Death vs. Dragons

*Meaningless Bowls (outrageous stipulations required by law)

Game of Death XVII

Rich & Creamy vs. Ballbusters

Battle of wild card underacheivers. Winner gets to shave Holland's back and the loser gets paternal custody of Tone Money.

Michael J. Holland Corporate Challenge

Mud Dogs vs. Lizard Kings

All proceeds from beer sales go directly to Holland's lawyer.

K-Y Warming Gel Bowl

Hit Squad vs. Mighty Meatballs

Dreadful fantasy matchup, but for some reason I think these 2 would wage a legendary war in oil wrestling. Ellis, rope off a corner of your basement and lube it up, we're gonna have some rasslin' on Saturday!

2009 All-Intense Teams

FIRST TEAM

QB - Aaron Rodgers, Ballbusters (MVP) - 388 pts
RB - Chris Johnson, Dead Beats - 358
RB - Maurice Jones-Drew, 9 Fingers - 287
RB - Ray Rice, Dragons - 262
WR - Randy Moss, Dragons - 266
WR - Reggie Wayne, Mud Dogs - 252
K - David Akers, Mighty Meatballs - 135
DEF - New Orleans Saints, Mighty Meatballs - 255

SECOND TEAM

QB - Drew Brees, Notorious RVG - 387
RB - Adrian Peterson, Hit Squad - 248
RB - Steven Jackson, Rich & Creamy Nougat - 242
WR - Larry Fitzgerald, Lizard Kings - 250
WR - Wes Welker, 9 Fingers - 243 (10 games)
WR - Miles Austin, Dead Beats - 234
K - Nate Kaeding, Napalm Death - 124
DEF - Green Bay Packers, Rich & Creamy - 232

THIRD TEAM

QB - Peyton Manning, Lizard Kings - 358
RB - DeAngelo Williams, Ballbusters - 211
WR - Andre Johnson, BC Bombers - 232
WR - Roddy White, Notorious RVG - 222
WR - Hines Ward, Lizard Kings - 218
WR - Steve Smith (NYG), Razen Kanes - 216
K - Ryan Longwell, Rich & Creamy - 118
DEF - Philadelphia Eagles, Ballbusters - 219

HONORABLE MENTION

QB - Tom Brady, Razen Kanes - 356
QB - Tony Homo, BC Bombers - 330
RB - Frank Gore, Razen Kanes - 209
RB - Ricky Williams, Ballbusters - 209
RB - Joseph Addai, Razen Kanes - 208
RB - Thomas Jones, Notorious RVG - 206
WR - DeSean Jackson, BC Bombers - 213
WR - Brandon Marshall, Razen Kanes - 208
WR - Sidney Rice, BC Bombers - 200
TE - Vernon Davis, Razen Kanes - 212
TE - Dallas Clark, Rich & Creamy - 204
TE - Antonio Gates, Mighty Meatballs - 199
K - Lawrence Tynes, Mud Dogs - 115
DEF - Denver Broncos, Dead Beats - 212


All-Intense Teams are decided by forming the best possible legal IFL lineup based on highest scoring players over the first 13 weeks of the regular season.