Tuesday, November 27, 2007

UPDATED Playoff Scenario heading into Week 13

DIVISION WINNERS

EAST - BC Bombers have clinched. They will get a 1st-round bye.

CENTRAL - Napalm Death and CTRU are tied at 9-3, ND has the tiebreaker (better division record). The winner of the division gets a 1st-round bye.

WEST - Razen Kanes have clinched, they have a 1-game lead and tiebreaker over Part Time Pimps (div record). They will be the #3 seed.


WILD CARDS

Both ND and CTRU have clinched a playoff spot, one of them will win the division, the other will be the #4 seed. 9 Fingers have clinched a Wild Card spot. They will be the #5 seed if they win in Week 13. The final playoff spot is between Mud Dogs (6-5-1) and Part Time Pimps (6-6). Mud Dogs just need a win or PTP loss in Week 13 to clinch. Part Time Pimps need both a win AND a Mud Dogs loss to clinch.


KEY GAMES IN WEEK 13

9 Fingers vs. CTRU - a 9 Fingers win clinches the Central for ND. It will also make 9F the #5 seed, and setup a rematch in Week 14 vs. #4 CTRU in the Wild Card Round. CTRU needs to win and have ND lose to win the Central and #1 seed. That will relegate ND to the #4 seed and 9F to either the #5 or #6 seed, depending on Mud Dogs winning.

Napalm Death vs. Ballbusters - ND wins, they're the Central champs and #1 seed. Ship the $175 to Devo. They can still get win the division with a loss and CTRU loss, however, if that happens and BCB wins, ND will slip to the #2 seed.

Part Time Pimps vs. Dragons - PTP needs a win and help, in the form of a Mud Dogs loss. In that case, they will almost assuredly be the #6 seed. (in the event of both PTP and 9F finishing at 7-6, 9F would most likely win the total points tiebreaker - they currently lead by 89 pts).

Mud Dogs vs. Lizard Kings - Lizard Kings spoiled PTP's division chances in Week 12, now they can spoil Mud Dogs' playoff chances. A Mud Dogs loss coupled with a PTP win, means Mud Dogs are out.

BC Bombers vs. Hit Squad - BCB only has the possibility of the #1 seed to play for. A win coupled with CTRU and ND losses will give them the #1 seed and $175.


REMINDER - PAYOUTS for playoff seeds (and potential payees)

#1: $175 (ND, CTRU, or BCB)
#2: $150 (BCB or ND)
#3: $125 (Razen Kanes)
#4: $80 (CTRU or ND)
#5: $70 (9 Fingers or Mud Dogs)
#6: $60 (Mud Dogs, 9 Fingers, or Part Time Pimps)

Monday, November 26, 2007

PLAYOFF SCENARIO after 12 weeks

OK here's the latest.... two games hang in the balance tonight, but they're biggies.

Lizard Kings lead PTP by 2, LK has Pitt DEF and PTP has Big Ben. Too close to call, even though Ben could have a nice game, they are playing Miami, so you can make a case for Pitt D to go off. This would score John E. huge grinch points, as PTP would pull into a tie for 1st place in the West with a win.

Also, Hit Squad leads Mud Dogs by 3, but MD has Hines Ward and Jeff Reed, so it is likely that they will win, so we're going to give him the victory for now (and if we jinx Mike P., oh well!).

So the preliminary Week 12 results are-

CTRU over Dead Beats
Mud Dogs over Hit Squad
BCB over RVG
Napalm Death over Meatballs
Ballbusters over Razen Kanes
9 Fingers over Dragons
Lizard Kings vs. PTP - TBD


Who's IN the playoffs
  • BC Bombers (8-4, East champs)
  • Napalm Death (9-3)
  • Chinese Toys R Us (9-3)

Who's OUT
  • Lizard Kings
  • Dead Beats
  • Hit Squad
  • Ballbusters
  • Mighty Meatballs
  • Dragons
  • Notorious RVG

Hanging in the Balance by a Ballhair (1 of these 4 will NOT get in)
  • 9 Fingers
  • Mud Dogs
  • Part Time Pimps
  • Razen Kanes


DIVISION RACES

In the East, BCB (8-4) has clinched the division thanks to their win over RVG.

In the Central, Napalm Death and CTRU (each 9-3) are tied for 1st, but ND has the tiebreaker thanks to his better division record (6-1 vs. 5-2), and controls their own density. An ND win (vs. Ballbusters) in Week 13 gives Devo the division and the #1 seed. The only way CTRU can win the division is a combination of a Week 13 CTRU win (vs. 9 Fingers) and an ND loss. Whichever of these two does NOT win the division will definitely be the #4 seed.

In the West, Razen Kanes lost, so they are only 0.5 games ahead of PTP, so that game is huge tonight. If PTP wins, they will be tied for 1st place. Next week's games feature PTP vs. Dragons and RK vs. Dead Beats. The tiebreakers between PTP and RK will likely go to the 3rd tiebreaker, total points, which PTP currently leads by 20 (not including tonight's points). So PTP has the edge there. However, if PTP loses tonight, Razen Kanes will clinch the West division, because they will win the 2nd tiebreaker, division record (RK is 5-1, PTP would be 3-2 with a loss).

As for the byes, it is essentially a lock that BCB and the Central winner will be the top 2 seeds. BCB can gain the #1 seed, only by winning next week, AND with both ND and CTRU losses. This would bring them into a tie w/ ND at 8-5, and BCB defeated ND during the season so they would have the tiebreaker over them. Otherwise, as long as the Central winner wins his game next week, they are the #1 seed and BCB are the #2. The West winner will most likely not have a bye, since it will come down to a tiebreaker with BCB, and neither Kanes nor PTP played BCB during the season, so it would go to the total points tiebreaker, which BCB should win comfortably against either of them.


WILD CARDS


The 2nd place finisher in the Central is a guarantee for the #4 seed, so we only have 2 more wild card spots to fight over. And it will be between these teams:

the 2nd place West team (either PTP or RK)
9 Fingers (7-5)
Mud Dogs (6-5-1)

Everyone else is eliminated. So all you 5-7 teams can start shining up your bowling shoes - Ballbusters, Meatballs, Dragons.... and Notorious RVG (5-6-1) is also eliminated because of the head-to-head tiebreaker against Mud Dogs.

Also, 9 Fingers clinches a wild card spot if PTP loses their game tonight.

If PTP wins tonight, that would put them in a tie for 1st place in the West w/ Razen Kanes at 7-5, and tied in the WC race with 9 Fingers (7-5). If all 3 of these teams win next week and go to 8-5, they're all IN the playoffs and Mud Dogs stay home. However, if Mud Dogs win (vs. Lizard Kings), and ANY of the 7-5 teams lose, Mud Dogs will be IN the playoffs at 7-5-1.

As for tiebreakers between PTP, Kanes, and 9F.... PTP and Kanes won't need a wild card tiebreaker, since one of them will win the division. 9F owns the tiebreaker over PTP thanks to their head-to-head win in Week 3. If RK and 9F need a tiebreaker, it will come down to total points since they didn't play each other this year - 9F currently owns a 115-point edge, so they will likely win that tiebreaker. Furthermore, the only way 9F does NOT get in, is if PTP wins tonight, and 9F loses to CTRU next week (likely), and PTP and RK both win next week.

So if PTP (vs. Dragons) and 9F (vs. CTRU) both win next week, they're IN - 9F would be the #5 seed, PTP would be #6. If Mud Dogs win (vs. Lizard Kings), they would need either 9F and/or PTP to lose to get into the playoffs. If Mud Dogs win and both 9F and PTP lose, Mud Dogs would be the #5 seed and 9F would be the #6 seed due to the tiebreaker.

Now....if PTP loses tonight, it's more cut and dry, and it clinches playoff spots for 2 teams... Razen Kanes win the West and the #3 seed, and 9 Fingers clinch a wild card spot. That also means PTP would be 6-6 and will need a win next week (vs. Dragons) AND a Mud Dogs loss. A PTP loss or a Mud Dogs win would eliminate PTP from the playoffs because of the tiebreaker vs. 9F.

Confused yet? Wait until PTP and Lizard Kings tie tonight, and then someone else ties next week.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

IFL News, Notes, and other assorted Bullshit

Let's get this out of the way...

WEEK 10 RESULTS


BC Bombers 116, Dead Beats 73
Mud Dogs 163, Notorious RVG 97
Mighty Meatballs 79, Nine Fingers 46
Napalm Death 189, Chinese Toys R Us 143
Razen Kanes 143, Lizard Kings 80
Part Time Pimps 145, Hit Squad 109
Dragons 148, Ballbusters 127

WEEK 11 RESULTS

Dead Beats 125, Mud Dogs 123
Notorious RVG 136, Hit Squad 87
9 Fingers 132, Ballbusters 110
Chinese TRU 181, Mighty Meatballs 97
Razen Kanes 117, Dragons 115
BC Bombers 120, Lizard Kings 90
Part Time Pimps 177, Napalm Death 113


MONIES

Congrats to Devo who won the $20 in Week 10 (fuckin jagoff), and congrats again to Chinese Toys R Us regional manager Cum Tu Soon, who won the $20 for the fourth time this year in Week 11.


REALITY

When we last left you, there were only 5 guests remaining in the RB2 apartment: RVG, Cambodian Slick, Ball Bob, Wo-Man, and Michael Pee. Here's a recap of the last 2 weeks (if you haven't been watching the show, which airs each night at 11:59pm on The Gay Network):

Week 10 - C Slick had immunity. And now, by virtue of his score of 97, and by the power vested in me by the state of New Jersey, and by the Power of Greyskull, RVG has been evicted. Freakin Mike P again has immunity thanks to his 163. Final four!

Week 11 - And then there were 3. Bob the Ballbag is evicted in a close one, as his 110 barely beats out Wo's 115. Cambodian "The Donger" Slick has immunity thanks to his 181 whopper.

So that leaves us with 3 dopes: Wo-Man, Mike P, and the dirty Cambodian. Since Camby wears the immunity amulet this week, he is automatically in the Final 2, and it is essentially a showdown between Wo and Mike P in Week 12 for the other spot. So even though neither of you underacheiving slackjaws are currently in the playoffs, you got this going for you. Good luck.


SPEAKING OF PLAYOFFS

It's pretty much impossible to draw up scenarios with 2 weeks left, for the following reasons:

  • 13 of the 14 teams are technically still alive
  • As I mentioned, none of the current playoff teams play against each other in these last 2 weeks except CTRU and 9F in Week 13. Therefore, every single game has playoff implications. I suppose Devo could run some numbers for us and give us a detailed breakdown, but I think he's too busy curing leprosy in his spare time.
As far as anyone clinching, you could say Napalm Death and CTRU are basically in. I guess there could be some cockamamie scenario where they wouldn't get in, but it would probably require 9 or 10 different things to happen in these last 2 weeks. And honestly, you could probably say CTRU is definitely in thanks to their comically large point total...they'd win any tiebreaker that doesn't involve head-to-head. So yay me.


HOLIDAY GREETINGS

You all should have received your free IFL turkey in the mail this week. If you haven't, please contact the IFL Bureau of Eggs and Poultry immediately. btw they are closed the rest of the week, so leave a message.

Regardless, I wish you all a warm and gluttonous Thanksgiving holiday. Go Romo and TO.

Sincerely,
Thomas Terkie
Associate Vice President, IFL Division of Stuffing

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

After 11 weeks...

Here are the playoff seeds as of now.

1. Napalm Death (8-3)
2. BC Bombers (7-4)
3. Razen Kanes (7-4)
4. Chinese Toys R Us (8-3)
5. 9 Fingers (6-5)
6. Part Time Pimps (6-5)



and the rest....

Mud Dogs (5-5-1) (.5 GB)
Notorious RVG (5-5-1) (.5 GB)
Dragons (5-6) (1 GB)
Mighty Meatballs (5-6) (1 GB)
Ballbusters (4-7) (2 GB)
Hit Squad (4-7) (2 GB)
Dead Beats (4-7) (2 GB)


unmentionable...

Lizard Kings (2-9)


As for the scenarios, too many to mention (I'll see if I can do some kind of breakdown), but here is the schedule for the last 2 weeks... and believe it or not, the only meeting in the last 2 weeks between current playoff teams is in Week 13 between 9 Fingers and CTRU. You're dead meat, Shu. Revenge shall be mine! (he beat me in Week 1).

Week 12

Hit Squad vs. Mud Dogs
BC Bombers vs. RVG
Meatballs vs. Napalm Death
Part Time Pimps vs. Lizard Kings
Dead Beats vs. CTRU
Ballbusters vs. Razen Kanes
Dragons vs. 9 Fingers

Week 13

Hit Squad vs. BC Bombers
Napalm Death vs. Ballbusters
9 Fingers vs. CTRU
Dragons vs. Part Time Pimps
Razen Kanes vs. Dead Beats
Lizard Kings vs. Mud Dogs
Mighty Meatballs vs. Notorious RVG

Saturday, November 17, 2007

2007 IFL Playoff Preview

Thanks to the Wo-Man for putting this together since I slacked. I piggybacked on to his analysis, but in order to get this out before Sunday, I only had time to handicap the Central Division and the playoff predictions. I could have worked on it a little longer and finish it, but I wanted to spark one up, sit back, and watch Oklahoma handle their business vs. Texas Tech. (Pick to the house as I type this - 7-0 Sooners) Have fun....


CENTRAL DIVISION


Napalm Death - 8-2 (5-1 div)
Power ranking: 3rd
Remaining Games: PTP, Meatballs, Ballbusters

  • Key Wins: CTRU
  • Key Losses: BCB, CTRU

Wo says: The Trade That Keeps On Giving (TTTKOG) is the story here – they netted McNabb, Chatman, and B.Marshall – filling the huge void this team had at QB. Sure they had to give up Wayne and Lee ‘Second half’ Evans, but they got Starvin Marvin sittin on the bench getting healthy for the playoffs.

Prediction: Ho-hum, another 10-3 season, division crown, and first round bye. But then in December. ... McNabb gets benched, Westbrook pulls a hammy and Devo vows never to draft an Eagle again!!!!

BW says: The Napalm Dragons (all 4 players rec’d in their deal w/ Dragons should probably be starters on ND now) have the best record in the league, but they’ve faced little resistance this year, other than their loss to BCB in Week 1 and their two games with CTRU. For instance, Shu put up a combined 140 in his 2 losses to Devo. But this is a damn good team, a key could be if Harrison comes back and regains form. If not, Crayton and Marshall have been pretty solid, but a prime Harrison would make this team tough to beat. However, their last 3 games could be hellacious, as they take on a red-hot PTP team in Week 11, then close it out vs. the tough Ballbusters. Let’s face it, the winner of this division will be the #1 seed, whoever’s team stays healthier between ND and CTRU will likely get the bye and the $175. The game of the year was last week, though, and Devo’s win gives him the huge advantage here.


Chinese Toys R Us – 7-3 (4-2 div)
Power ranking: 1st
Remaining Games: Meatballs, Dead Beats, 9 Fingers

  • Key Wins: ND, Ballbusters (2x), Meatballs, Dragons, Razen Kanes
  • Key Losses: ND, 9 Fingers

Wo says: Highest scoring team in the league!!! Still don’t know how they drafted Romo, Bush, Welker, TO, Boldin, and Winslow. This offense is simply stacked. Unless injuries strike this team in a few places – they are the favorite to take home the IFL Chalice.

Prediction: finish 10-3, lose division on div record, and take the long road the IFL immortality!!!!

BW says: I appreciate the kind words, but I am one injury away from a repeat of the 2002 Splif Smokoroba debacle (where McNabb and Faulk got hurt for me, I ended up getting stuck with the 3 seed, and I lost to Mike P. in Week 13 and Week 14. What a disgrace). Thanks to the Ronnie Brown and Lamont Jordan injuries, there is no depth whatsoever here. The starters are spectacular though, with Romo as a godsend, and he is giving TO the best season of his career. Welker has been outstanding, let’s hope he can keep it up. I do think Bush is going to finish huge, despite continuously being ripped by Johnny E. What the hell does he know anyway? The problem here is…if CTRU doesn’t win the division, they’re looking at the 4 seed, which could mean a likely date with #1 seed ND in the semis. Could be good or bad though…


9 Fingers – 5-5 (2-4 div)
Power ranking: 7th
Remaining Games: Ballbusters, Dragons, CTRU

  • Key Wins: CTRU, Meatballs, PTP, BCB
  • Key Loss: ND (2x), Meatballs, Ballbusters

Wo says: Three bad losses in a row has put Shu in dire straits. The division is out of reach, the #1 WC is a longshot, and that stupid tie in the East could force the Fingers to miss the playoffs. The decision to trade Bulger back in week 8 and not pickup another QB at the FA deadline, going only with Cutler and Griese, could be the nail in the coffin.

Prediction: loss in week 13 to CTRU will be painful, and eliminate 9s from the playoff race. (finish 6-7)

BW says: Shu was the class of the league through 4 weeks, even beating BCB in a game that was supposed to be a finals preview in Week 4. Since then, he’s 1-5 and falling fast. Moss (god), Chad, and MBIII have been the only thing worth a damn on this team. Rudi (1st rounder) has been hurt, and his handcuff (Watson) has been inconsistent. He’s been relatively inactive in free agency and trading, and this stagnation could be his downfall. With Cutler as his only QB (Griese is benched), things could get ugly for the Heeb Wop. It would be hard to believe that he could be Bowling in Week 14 after the start he had, but I can see it happening.


Mighty Meatballs – 5-5 (1-5 div)
Power ranking: tied for 11th
Remaining Games: CTRU, Napalm Death, RVG

  • Key Wins: Kanes, PTPs
  • Key Loss: Ballbusters twice (incl. the Favre game)

Wo says: When you look at their team, you are hard-pressed to find anyone ‘good’ after the top two players (Brees and Addai). The meatballs pulled a few upsets mid-way through the season, but like the Eagles of 2006, will a late winning streak hide from management the deficiencies in the front office? Has Joey finally caught on to life in the IFL or will he revert back to a 3-10 team in 2008?

Prediction: Nice run, but with the top two teams on the schedule the playoffs are a near impossibility – 6-7 finish.

BW says: I concur, this team is rather fraudulent. They have the 2nd least points scored in the IFL. Perhaps the fantasy luck has finally been on the side of Meatball (he should be 6-4 if not for the Favre game, but then again, he just won a game scoring 79 pts), but no way this team has enough in the tank to get in the big dance. His team looks nothing like the one he drafted (only Brees, Reggie Brown, and V. Davis remain), but all those moves did not net a good roster. His 1-5 division record is hideous, but the good news is he has wins over Kanes and PTP, who he could be fighting for a wild card spot. Ah who are we kidding, I’m going to slam the door on his chances in Week 11.


Ballbusters – 4-6 (3-3 div)
Power ranking: 5th
Remaining Games: 9 Fingers, Kanes, N Death
  • Key Wins: twice over Meatballs, one over 9 fingers
  • Key Loss: Dragons

Wo says: The week 10 loss to CTRU is the stuff dreams (nightmares?) are made of. All their wins were convincing this year, and we saw AP mature as a top 5 fantasy pick in future years . . . then he got hurt. Kind of an odd year as Peterson and Holmes brought old man Favre to the fountain of youth in Blue Dog land. But, you win some (MNF win over Meatballs) and you lose some (2 five point losses this year – ouch). The Fantasy gods must have something great instore for Mr Snyder, just not sure who will still be around to see it someday.

Prediction: 3 teams on the schedule trying to get to the post-season, with each week progressively harder. Can’t see more then one win, then the pain is over, at least Addai will be home for the IFL playoffs too.

BW says: Ballbusters are the antithesis of Meatballs. They have the 2nd most points in the IFL. They have the 2nd highest points against. They lost a game 205-192 (sorry). Since Week 1, all of their opponents have scored at least 110, so no gimmes. Bob has been a class act throughout, however, and he even volunteered to wipe the sweat off my brow during my playoff games. The Addai-Parker deal was a blockbuster, but Meatball got way the best of it (Addai has outscored FWP 94-50 since the trade), and while it hasn’t cost him a game (yet), Addai’s outlook is better for the stretch run. Ballbusters are going to be a tough out in the IFL-BCS though.


EAST DIVISION

Bucks County Bombers – 6-4 (4-2 div)
Power ranking: 2nd
Remaining Games: Lizard Kings, RVG, Hit Squad

  • Key Wins: N Death, PTP
  • Key Losses: Dragons, 9 Fingers

Wo says: Last month this team was the favorite to win it all and repeat – but since then we have seen some chinks in the armor: Eli is not Peyton, Gore has been slowed by injury, Plaxico does not practice due to his injury, and K.Jones realized he has one of the most brutal second half schedules in the league (and the Lions cannot run anyway). Still, they have drafted talent and proved that they are a franchise to be respected year-in year-out. Oh yeah, and Patriots Defense – what a draft!!!

Prediction: Might run the table, in fact, I think they will – but then a tough loss in week 15 looms. Now give the trophy back!!!


Mud Dogs - 5-4-1 (4-1-1 div)
Power ranking: 4th
Remaining Game: Dead Beats, Hit Squad, Lizard Kings
  • Key Win: RVG, due to the stupid tie they have the tiebreaker
  • Key Losses: Loss to BCB first time they played, could be in sole possession of first place!!

Wo says: Tom Brady is da man!! He should be a first round pick in every league next year, maybe top 3. He has 371 IFL points this season and accounts for 29% of the Mud Dogs points this year (fyi, the second leading scorer is Romo at 300, less then 20% of CTRU’s points). Is S.Jax finally back? The #2 pick? That should be enough for the Mud Pups to get into the playoffs.

Prediction: win enough to get into the playoffs, the #2 wildcard, but they run into the CTRU buzzsaw then . ..

Notorious RVG – 4-5-1 (2-3-1 div)
Power ranking: 8th
Remaining Games: Hit Squad, BCB, Meatballs

  • Key Wins: Ws vs CTRU and BCB show they can hang with the elite
  • Key Losses: Mud Dogs (gives MDs edge in tie-breakers)

Wo says: Monster seasons from TJ and B.Edwards almost make up for the flop that is Shaun Alexander. Palmer has had a good year when you look at it overall – but you got to think the struggles in Cincy has brought his numbers down a little.

Prediction: Should squeeze out two more wins, but unless they can beat BCB in week 12, they will not make the playoffs.


Hit Squad – 4-6 (3-2 div)
Power ranking: 13th
Remaining Games: RVG, Mud Dogs, BCB
  • Key Win: RVG
  • Key Losses: Dragons, Meatballs, PTP (all teams one games ahead in WC race)

Wo says: Another team trapped with a top pick which flopped – L.Johnson was not productive before he went down with the foot injury. Great find in D. Anderson coming along to QB this team, but a lack of a clear #1 WR (a WR who could explode for 40) made this team beatable if you put up 125.

Prediction: Better luck next year in the lottery that IS, the I F L Draft!!!


Dead Beats – 3-7 (1-6 div)
Power ranking: 14th
Remaining Games: Mud Dogs, CTRU, Razen Kanes

  • Key Win: PTP ? (best team they beat)
  • Key Losses: swept in the division by Hit Squad and BCB

Wo says: Interesting philosophy at the draft to take a QB, RB, WR, etc from the same team – but the team was not New England or Indy. It was SD. Rivers has been a disappointment and LT has been stuck in mud all year because his QB can’t open up any lanes. With the #1 pick – you have to take LT though, then wait as 26 other players go off the board, too bad T.Jones was still on the board – he practically has entered the witness protection program as he is still looking to find the endzone for the Jets.

Prediction: Doesn’t matter, they have 3 championships. The odd year tradition is broken though.


WEST DIVISION


Razen Kanes – 6-4 (4-1 div)
Power ranking: 6th
Remaining Games: Dragons, Ballbusters, Dead Beats
  • Key Wins: Dragons, Lizard Kings (sweep gives them a strong divisional record)
  • Key Losses: ND and CTRU

Wo says: Despite the complete collapse of their receiving corp (S.Smith, Walker, Holt), the Kanes find themselves in position in week 11 to almost wrap up the division due to their strong divisional record. A HUGE game with the Dragons in that a win gives them a 5-1 Div Record and two sub .500 teams left on the schedule. Weakest of all the schedules for the playoff contending teams. If they lose in 11, they will fall into a dead heat, possible 3 way race for the division, and a cut-throat race for one of two wildcard spots.

Prediction: Kanes finish 7-6 and win the division on tiebreakers.


Dragons – 5-5 (2-2 div)
Power ranking: 9th
Remaining Games: Razen Kanes, 9 Fingers, PTP

  • Key Wins: BCB, Ballbusters
  • Key Losses: Kanes, PTP

Wo says: After a pathetic start, TTTKOG has turned around this team’s season and they find themselves in a position to take control of the division in week 11 if they can beat the Kanes. Problem is, even if they pull off the miracle, they still have 2 teams left on the schedule who are hunting for the playoffs.

Prediction: Bulger gets hurt after the win in week 11, and they lose in weeks 12 and 13 to finish in the BCS bowl in week 14 with a 6-7 record.


Part Time Pimps - 5-5 (3-1 div)
Power ranking: 10th
Remaining Games: Napalm Death, Lizard Kings, Dragons

  • Key Wins: Dragons, R Kanes (split)
  • Key Losses: 9 Fingers, Meatballs

Wo says: The Pimps has reverted to Greg Jennings and Ryan Grant playing a key role down the stretch for this team. Somehow Baran has coaxed this team into the playoff hunt while Maron-ey is still trying to find the endzone and Andre Johnson has been PMS’ing since week 2. BIG week 11 game vs the current #1 seed, if they can pull off the upset they might win this division.

Prediction: Finish with two strong wins to make the playoffs (again) at 7-6, dark horse to make some noise in the playoffs.


Lizard Kings – 2-8 (0-5 div)
Power ranking: tied for 11th
Remaining Games: BCB, PTP, Mud Dogs
  • Key Wins: 9 Fingers (it hurt the Fingers more then helped LKs)
  • Key Losses: 0-5 in the division, not good

Wo says: They scored more points them some teams with 4 or 5 wins, just a tough year schedule wise. Some of the numbers put up by his opponents this year: 136, 165, 186, 165 (that was the first 4 weeks of the season!!!), 175, 146, 143. Time to get a new defensive coordinator!!!

Prediction: Although they still have a potent lineup, the Lynch injury is going to hurt. Facing 3 teams vying for playoff seeding – I see the Kings finishing 2-11, and losing the BCS bowl in week 16!!


Wo's Post season Predictions:

Week 14:
CTRU over Mud Dogs
Razen Kanes over PTP

Week 15
Napalm Death over Razen Kanes
CTRU over BCB

Week 16
Napalm Death VS CTRU

CTRU in a blowout!!!


BW's Playoff Predictions:

1. Napalm Death
2. BC Bombers
3. Razen Kanes
4. CTRU
5. Mud Dogs
6. Dragons

Dragons over Kanes
CTRU over Mud Dogs (no way I lose to Cowboy again)

ND over Dragons
BCB over CTRU

ND over BCB in the ultimate championship of all time, 83-78

Devo joins the ranks of the 3x Dopes

Ballbusters win the IFL-BCB
Part Time Pimps win the Week 16 $20
Hit Squad wins the Dogshit Classic

Thursday, November 15, 2007

2007 Turkey of the Year Candidates

Turkey Time is here, and this year we have 10 of the most qualified candidates of all time. So stick a yam up your ass and browse through the nominees, head to the IFL website and vote on the poll.

Mike P. A multiple TotY winner, and you know the saying - once a turkey, always a turkey. This year is no exception. He earned the ire of all IFL owners throughout the year, wherever and whenever he was seen in public. His turkiest move was probably trying to run a test of his newfangled fantasy software in a production environment – the actual IFL Draft! Everyone knows that’s bad business practice. He even received a dubious “Thumbs Down” distinction in Information Week magazine for his questionable actions. Anyway, if not this year, it’s a lock that Mike will win the poultry at least a few more times in his career due to his turk personality.

Ballbusting Bob. He insists on cooking only male turkeys on Thanksgiving, just so he can squeeze its raw testicles at the dinner table (get it – “Ballbuster”). Anyway, BB is always a turk, generally getting under people’s skin, and stinking up whichever room he is in with his lethal ass. This is definitely one fowl turkey.

Tone Money. It’s hard to tell how turkey Tone has been this year, since he spent most of 2007 galavanting across Eurasia (Turkey, Turkmenistan) and the Caribbean Islands (Turks and Caicos). However, in his one public appearance he was his usual turk self, wearing shoes that could blind a turkey. Tone Turkey is the Damn Turk and always will be our favorite Turkish-American feathered friend.

John E. Well we know one glaring reason why John is on this list, and that is his godawful fantasy team, the 2007 Lizard Turkeys. He reeks of mismanagement (his job, his home life, his financial decisions, etc.) so this comes as no surprise. Other than that, it’s been the standard John E. turk year, although he did win some non-Turkey points by hosting a couple NFL Sundays. Ah, who cares, this guy is a venti turkey latte if there ever was one.

Mike B. Mike always cooks the biggest turkey on Thanksgiving. He spent most of the year basting himself because his wife has a turkey in the oven. Also, he annoyed the piss out of each us on numerous occasions with his turk-minded banter. He did host the IFL Draft, and his turkey nachos were outstanding, so we give him credit for that. Otherwise, he is still a prime Turkey contender.

Shu. Turkey Nose Shu is a perennial contender and 2005 Turkey of the Year. He spent much of this year in Baltimore hanging out with Quinn and Mike B like some kind of fruity pants group hitting the gay bars. But we love Shu, because he’s plump, juicy, and he makes for great leftovers for the week after Thanksgiving.

Meatball. Turkey is one of the top-secret ingredients in my meatballs, so Meat automatically will be nominated every year (until I change my recipe). This Butterball is the defending Turkey champion, and he has been notorious for having the turkiest of IFL teams each season. This year, he’s been considerably better (.500 after 10 weeks), so perhaps he is turning the corner. Outside of fantasy circles, he’s his usual turkey self, stuffing his face and drinking until he can’t see, which is always a great reason to vote for him.

Shap. Now how can Shap be nominated again this year, you ask? Not only is he not in the IFL, he live in Shaplanta now! But if I have my say, it will be re-namd Turklanta, because if there ever was someone who personified Turkdom, it is this big turkey named Shap. As long as he breathes his stinky turkey breath, he will be on the chopping block, and I personally can’t wait to bite into his succulent breasts on Turkey Day.

Whit. The biggest-mouth turkey of them all, I am a prime candidate. After all, I have a massive turkey neck, I love the wishbone (when Oklahoma used to run it in the 70s and 80s), and I’m good for at least 4 slices of pumpkin pie with Cool Whip. Plus now that my wife’s turkey egg has hatched, I have no life and I’ll probably never see you all again except for drafts and Holland’s bar mitzvah.

Holland. This guy drives around in his Turkmobile like he’s hot shit, but in reality, he’s a big soft turkey with lots of stuffing. His gut looks like he’s trying to smuggle a 30-lb turkey out of the supermarket like in Animal House. And he is known to warm up turkey sandwiches by sticking them under his armpits. None of this is actually true, but if you know Holland, he is definitely in your Fave 5 turkeys.


These guys just missed the turkey cut, they clearly didn't have the gizzards to contend.

RVG. The whole fuckin turk didn’t have an extremely non-turk year, but there were so many wonderful turk candidates, that RVG missed the cut. Better luck next year.

Chaos. If I saw him more, I’m sure he’d be one of the top 2 turks, but since the guy is such a workaholic, he’s off the list.

Chris Turk. He’s the defending IFL Champ and he’s having a splendid season thus far. Also he is a smooth operator and is so hated by everyone else, that they would refuse to vote for him, because they don’t want to give him any more publicity.

Wo-Man. What can I say about the Wo, he’s too nice of a guy. Maybe next year he has to throw someone in the pool or kick someone in the nuts at the draft to get nominated.

Devo. We’re still not over the whole leaving the IFL thing, so we refuse to acknowledge your presence. However, he is awarded the IFL Congressional Turkey Medal for the sins of his past.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Week 10 Monday Night Mickey Mouse game



With tonight's Monday Night game being a donkey matchup (Seattle-SF), not too many IFL players will be in action, and as such, there are virtually no implications to IFL matchups. There is one game that is not officially over (MD-RVG), but it would take a miracle to change the outcome.


Mud Dogs 156, Notorious RVG 78
(MD has Engram) (RVG has Alexander and Morris)
RVG's team is so bye-depleted, he has not only the hugely disappointing Shaun Alexander going tonight, but also his backup, Mo Morris. So we'll just call this game over, and hope that I'm jinxing the Mud Dogs. btw RVG is hurting because he has 3 Texans and 2 Jets on his team, who are all on byes. Anyone who has that many Texans and Jets combined should be embarrassed...I certainly hope you are, Notorious. The big man for Mike P. was actually the Chargers D, with their 6 picks of Manning on SNF. And it didn't help that Jason Campbell filled in nicely for Brady (29). And we thought he'd be the one suffering because of the byes. MD will go to 5-4-1, RVG will fall to 4-5-1.


BC Bombers 110, Dead Beats 73
(BCB has Josh Brown) (DB is done)
Even with Gore injured, BC handles their bidniss. A well-balanced attack, despite Gates (5) and Plax (6) not doing their fair share. Portis (24) and Roy Williams (23) continued to play well. As for Dead Beats, they have the look of a team which has already mailed it in for 2007, as they should. No one has panned out for them, even the mighty LT, and Chaos' streak of winning titles in odd-numbered years ('01, '03, '05) will come to an end. BCB remains in 1st place in the East, at 6-4. Dead Beats fall to 3-7.


Napalm Death 160, Chinese Toys R Us 143
(ND has Hackett) (CTRU is done)
What goes around comes around. CTRU's 143 may not be the highest losing score ever (see Ballbusters vs. CTRU Week 9), but it still sucks. The Trade That Keeps On Giving (from here on - TTTKOG) now gives heartburn to me, in addition to giving Devo 45 points out of McNabb. Westbrook's 52 didn't help matters either. All this despite continued outstanding play by Romo (40) and TO (41), and not to mention, CTRU had to start Najeh "Oops I Crapped in Your Closet" Davenport, who only put up a measly 2. Wes Welker watched in dismay from his mansion in suburban Boston. So the 7-game winning streak comes to a halt, and ND now has a nice little 6-game streak of their own, as well as 1st place in the Central and the #1 seed in their sights. Devo is back. ND is 8-2, CTRU is 7-3.


Mighty Meatballs 78, Nine Fingers 46
(MM has V. Davis) (9F is done)
An all-time egg laid by the Golden Jew. Let me point out that if this game were played last year, 9 Fingers would only have put up 27. Twenty-seven!!! I know Moss was on a bye, but good god, man. That was his only bye player. Griese (4) getting hurt is no excuse, because no one else was in double digits except Chad (11). No TDs scored at all for 9 Fingers yesterday. None. Meatballs were no prize either, with only 3 total TDs, and Brees was the high man with 21. But MM will now be .500 for the first time in his career, after being denied a couple weeks back by Ballbusting Favre. Both teams are 5-5, but not looking good.


Razen Kanes 119, Lizard Kings 80
(RK has Hasselbeck) (LK is done)
This was a must-win game for Kanes, and Tone Money guaranteed victory on his blog. He did not disappoint, netting a huge division win. Warrick Dunn appears to be having a revival, out of nowhere (23), as did Holt (25). To top things off, his kicker Shayne Graham booted 7 FGs (25). For John E., this means no playoffs in 2007, and you can officially keep his name on the no-title list for another year. Manning's 6 picks were the nail in the coffin for the '07 Lizard Kings. If John wasn't so damn cuddly and lovable, I'd suggest he quit the IFL and take up a new hobby. RK stays in 1st in the West, at 6-4. LK is 2-8.


Part Time Pimps 145, Hit Squad 109
(FINAL)
Mike B. pimp slaps his cousin (and not with his hand), setting off a family feud. Big Ben continues his MVP season (35) and free agent pickup extraordinaire Ryan Grant (29) came up big, outplaying AD in Lambeau. Colston (25) also continued his winning ways for PTP, who may actually be the hottest team in the IFL over the last 3 weeks. Holland had nice days out of MJD (26) and of course Derek Anderson (24), but other than that, it was a steaming pile. PTP still very much alive in the West at 5-5, Hit Squad is 4-6 in the East.


Dragons 148, Ballbusters 127
(FINAL)
TTTKOG. Wayne - 35. Whatever. It's not like Wo needs McNabb anyway, as Bulger put up 32. Favre had another outstanding day for Ballbusters (40), and so did Fitzgerald (27), but when you're up against the wheeling, dealing Wo-Man, you need more than that. Dragons continue their march toward immortality, keeping pace in the West at 5-5. Ballbusters fall to a tough-luck 4-6, good enough for last place in the Central. They're so damn good it's hard to count them out though.


Let's take a quick peek at the standings now, assuming Mud Dogs beat RVG tonight.
(they will be updated tomorrow, with points)

EAST W-L (Div)

BCB 6-4 (4-2)
MD 5-4-1 (4-1-1)
RVG 4-5-1 (2-3-1)
HS 4-6 (3-2)
DB 3-7 (1-6)

CENTRAL
ND 8-2 (5-1)
CTRU 7-3 (4-2)
9F 5-5 (2-4)
MM 5-5 (1-5)
BB 4-6 (3-3)


WEST
RK 6-4 (4-1)
DGNS 5-5 (2-2)
PTP 5-5 (3-1)
LK 2-8 (0-5)



Stay tuned for the Playoff Preview, hopefully it will be published by Friday.

Friday, November 09, 2007

Week 10 Weekend Dump

Only 4 regular season games remain, and absolutely nothing has been decided yet. All 14 teams could still win the championship. However, no IFL game is bigger than the Napalm Death-CTRU tilt, as not only do these 2 dopes both have the best record in the league at 7-2, but they are tied for the Central lead, and they are also mortal enemies dating back to the early days of the IFL. Rumor has it that the loser of this game will quit the IFL on the spot. Shap is waiting by the phone, for word that he will be the new owner of a 7-3 team.

The other division leaders face interesting challenges, as they each face the last place team in their respective divisions. A loss by either of them could result in them relinquishing their leads that they've held since early in the season.

EYE ON THE IFL

Game of the Week: Chinese Toys R Us (7-2) vs. Napalm Death (7-2). We know what's at stake here. Oh, just first place in the Central, and pole position for the #1 seed and $175. CTRU is missing Welker thanks to the bye, and Devo is missing Galloway. Also, Harrison is questionable and will probably be a game-time decision. Luckily Devo will be able to insert him in at the last minute if he does play, since his sixth man is DJ Hackett who plays Monday. For CTRU....it looks like either Najeh Davenport or Roydell Williams will be the 6th man. Ouch. Prediction: CTRU by 46.

Other games:

Ballbusters (4-5) vs. Dragons (4-5) - Wo going for 3 in a row and a shot at the West lead. Ballbusters are the 3rd highest scoring team in the league.
BC Bombers (5-4) vs. Dead Beats (3-6) - The underacheiving Bombers have a good shot at extending their East lead vs. the Beats, who are still waiting for LT to break out. Against the Colts this week, it might not happen.
Mud Dogs (4-4-1) vs. Notorious RVG (4-4-1) - It is only fitting that these 2 meet again, after their Week 1 tie, with the same record. No Brady for Mud Dogs, expect them to lose big.
Mighty Meatballs (4-5) vs. 9 Fingers (5-4) - A Moss on a bye gathers no points for Shu. A Meatball win would really make things interesting. It would also turn Shu's chances at winning the division from slim to none.
Razen Kanes (5-4) vs. Lizard Kings (2-7) - John E. once again favored by the CommGuru. Tone has lost 3 straight and is falling fast. Somebody help him.
Hit Squad (4-5) vs. Part Time Pimps (4-5) - The unemployed vs. the unemployable. Winner gets a job as my administrative assistant for the remainder of the season.


LESSER FOOTBALL

Once again, Temple will mangle the Lincoln Financial turf with their crappy cleats this weekend. Although this time, you can expect a full house at the Linc as JoePa gets wheeled into Philly, pissbag and all. The sad thing is, I wouldn't be surprised if Penn St. marched in here on a Sunday and blew out the Birds too.
Prediction: Penn St. 48, Temple 14

Also, Oklahoma takes on Baylor in what should be a grueling Big XII South contest.
Prediction: Oklahoma 80, Baylor 2

And...one final deep thought. What if I told you 2 months ago, that this Saturday night, November 10, as the college football season is winding down and teams are jockeying for BCS position....what if I said that ABC would be showing us the Kansas-Oklahoma State game in prime time instead of the USC-Cal game? You'd say I was nuts, right? Well, that is exactly what we are getting, as #4 (BCS) KU is unbeaten, and assuming they get by the Pokes, they're on a collision course with #6 Missouri in a couple weeks, and then if they get by Mizzou, #5 Oklahoma in the Dr Pepper Big XII Championship Game.
Prediction: Kansas 56, Oklahoma St. 17


PUGILISM

As the Sweet Science is experiencing a rebirth it hasn't seen since the days of Cowboy Bob Orton and Jose Luis Rivera, I will have the great pleasure of sitting down in front of my 56" HDTV and viewing the wonderful PPV card put on tomorrow night, live from the house that Zach built, MSG in NYC, which features two of the finest pound-for-pound fighters in the world. Alphabet welterweight champ Miguel Cotto (30-0, 25 KO) takes on the legendary Sugar "Shap" Shane Mosley (44-4, 35 KOs) in a highly anticipated bout which will be one of the epic events of the boxing year. The heavy-hitting Cotto and lightning-quick Mosley are going to have the Garden rocking, just like it was the other night when the Knicks turned away the Nugs in a rematch of last year's basketbrawl.

The undercard features 3 great bouts, with guys I'm sure you've never heard of, but I am looking forward to it. If anyone wants to come over and watch it, feel free. I won't even charge you. I will even let you drink my beer, smoke my tobacco, and use my Jergens as you pleasure yourself in my bathroom.

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

A Dose of Reality - IFL Style

In the IFL RB2 loft, yet another shocker this week. Well-liked Christ has been voted off the show by America. While he was the main chef of the house, apparently America did not like his singing voice (nor his piss poor 80 points). I used to love when he would sing Whitney Houston's "Saving All My Love For You" when we would shower together. Anyway, he's gone and we will all miss his blueberry pancakes, and how he used to serve them to us, like he was Flo from Alice.

Also, former backup catcher Biff Pocoroba (205 pts) was allowed to drink from the Chalice of Immunity this week, and he cannot be evicted next week.

Only 5 remain!!!!!!

Week 9 hangover

Week 9 Results

Notorious RVG 89, Dead Beats 81
Chinese Toys R Us 205, Ballbusters 192 (!!!)
Part Time Pimps 170, Razen Kanes 96 (O)(O)
Mighty Meatballs 143, Mud Dogs 129
Dragons 103, Bucks County Bombers 80
Lizard Kings 143, Nine Fingers 113
Napalm Death 135, Hit Squad 123

Holy shit. The big story is obviously the 205-192 win by CTRU over Ballbusters. Last night would have been a nailbiter if I stayed awake. Santonio Holmes goes nuttz (32), but Fast Willie comes up small (6). If Parker has a normal game, both teams put up 200+ and Bob wins. I would imagine all kinds of records were set in this game... I don't have the IFL Archives in front of me, but you can bet the combined 397 points, and 192 in a losing effort were IFL records. RVG puts up 89 and wins, Bob puts up 192 and loses. What a country!


A Quick Perusal of the IFL Standings After Nine Weeks

No team is more than 3 games out, even the meek Lizard Kings.

In the East, despite their recent troubles, BCB (5-4) holds a 1/2 game lead over both Mud Dogs and Notorious RVG. Hit Squad is a game back, and Dead Beats are in last place, but only 2 back. This race is impossible to handicap right now.

In the Central, as you know, Napalm Death and Chinese TRU are tied at the top, each with the best record in baseball at 7-2 (no one else is even 6-3). 9 Fingers are 2 back, Ballbusters and Meatballs are tied for last place, 3 games back.

In the West, Razen Kanes still hold a slim lead at 5-4, but Dragons and Part Time Pimps have played their way into a 2nd-place tie, both a game out of first. Lizard Kings are only 2-7, but 3 games back with 4 to play...??? who knows. With the way things are going this year, why not.

Prediction (courtesy of Biff's 2007 Sports Almanac): Lizard Kings over Ballbusters in the finals


Looking Ahead to the Week that is Week 10

OMG GOTY!
Napalm Death (7-2) vs. CTRU (7-2) - Battle for Central Supremacy
Dead Beats (3-6) vs. BC Bombers (5-4)
Mud Dogs (4-4-1) vs. Notorious RVG (4-4-1) - rubber match
Mighty Meatballs (4-5) vs. 9 Fingers (5-4)
Razen Kanes (5-4) vs. Lizard Kings (2-7)
Hit Squad (4-5) vs. Part Time Pimps (4-5) - incesticide
Ballbusters (4-5) vs. Dragons (4-5) - wow there are a shitload of 4-5 teams

10 of the 14 teams are within a game of .500. Should be a wild last 4 weeks! Everyone is still mathematically alive, but John E is hanging by a ballhair. Rumor has it the Chevron Bowl sponsored by Obama 2008 has already put a stamp on its invitation to Lizard Kings.

Next week I hope to put out a comprehensive Playoff Preview, like I used to do back in the day. No guarantees.

Monday, November 05, 2007

Week 9 Monday Night Milk Duds

5 games dangle in the balance, like Mike B standing naked in his backyard on a windy November afternoon.

Chinese Toys R Us 205, Ballbusters 153
(CTRU is done) (BB has W. Parker and S. Holmes)
What a game, what a game. Things weren't looking too good for me until that Sunday Night Stinker by the Birds, but I laughed it off and counted the points by Romo (37) and TO (38). Add that to Bush's 30, Winslow's 28, and Tennessee D's 30, and you have yourself a pretty stellar day in any scoring system. It's only the 2nd 200-point performance of the season (9 Fingers put up 217 in Week 2)... but wait, we're not done yet! Ballbusters can still win the game! 52 out of Willie Parker and Santonio is not out of the question, but it will be tough vs. the Baltmore D (who isn't as elite as they once were). Bob had the day of his life yesterday, thanks in part to Favre's 37, Lorenzo White put up 22 running for the Oilers, and uh... some guy from Minnesota had 61. Not bad. Anyway, it's safe to say that if Ballbusters wins, this game will set all kinds of records, and Bob will wear the crown as King of Monday Night. I predict a 1-point CTRU win. This weekend, Bob the Ballbuster actually stated that "The winner of this game wins the division". While I don't necessarily believe that statement, it is true that every game between Central foes down the stretch is going to weigh heavily.

If the unthinkable happens, CTRU would fall to 6-3 and a game out, while a win will tie up 1st place in the Central and set up the GOTY next week. Ballbusters are currently .500 so do the math. A loss will all but end their chances at the division, but keep up the good work, Bob, the Wild Card is anyone's who wants it.

9 Fingers 113, Lizard Kings 106
(9F is done) (LK has Pitt DEF)
You gotta like Johnny's chances with the Stillers D at home vs the Ravens. He only needs 7 pts, and he'll be 2-7, and for Shu, a loss to the 1-win LK's will be devastating, as he will have squandered a chance to keep up with the shit-hot Central Division race. Jay Cutler (1 pt) was injured early in the game and that killed Fingers. Moss has his usual great day (34), what do you expect there. John had a career day out of the controversial rookie RB Marshawn Lynch, who put up 40. Manning was worth 27 in a losing cause for the Colts also. LK will be 2-7 and only 3 games back in the West with a win! Shu will fall to 5-4, 2 games back in the East, and possibly tied for 3rd place.

Mighty Meatballs 143, Mud Dogs 122
(MM is done) (MD has Hines Ward)
I like this Meatball kid, I told you he was gonna be good one day. Just a week removed from his top-notch performance vs. Ballbusters (only to be struck down by a Favre OT bomb), he puts up an impressive 143. And now that Brees is back to top form (45), and with the Addai trade (49), Meatballs could make some serious noise. Unfortunately they're stuck in last place in a division whose teams could all be considered to be in the top half of the IFL right now. Mike P. had a ridiculous day from Engram (38 pts; 14 catches), while Brady came back down to earth a bit (28). The balance of this game lies in the hands of Hines Ward.... Meatballs will improve to 4-5 with a win, or 3-6 with a loss and you can consider them done. Mud Dogs will actually climb into 1st place in the East with a win and a BC Bombers loss, at 5-3-1. If not they're still right in it.

Dragons 87, BC Bombers 77
(Drag has McNair and McGahee) (BCB has Clayton)
This one has the looks of a Dragons win. Lee Evans (36) clearly looks better in a Dragons uniform, as he looks like a world-beater compared to his stint on Napalm Death this year. BCB's only noteworthy player was Portis (30). Dragons will be unbelievably be a game out of first in the West with a win, while BCB is on his way to dropping 3 out of his last 4 and losing his grip on the East, a division that seemingly nobody wants to win.

Notorious RVG 89, Dead Beats 72
(RVG is done) (DB has D. Mason)
Another East stinker. RVG got 23 from Palmer. Dead Beats high man was the Carolina DEF (23), and LT (19) was outclassed in Minnesota. 17 out of Mason may be asking too much. RVG will get back to .500 with a win (4-4-1), and the funeral services for Dead Beats season (probably 3-6) will be held Wednesday at Galzarano Funeral Home.


These games are done. Just wipe the seat before you leave.

Napalm Death 124, Hit Squad 123
(FINAL)
The Trade That Keeps On Giving, gave a win to Devo Sunday night, thanks to B-West's 35 and McNabb's 15, which was precisely how much ND needed to pull off the big win, putting them at 7-2 and at least sharing 1st place in the Central and the best record in the IFL. Hit Squad, led by Gonzo (31), Derek Montana, I mean, Anderson (25), and LJ (24) are now 4-5, which puts them in great shape in the East. So with the best record in the league, does this mean that the "old" Devo is back (Devo 1.0)? We shall see, but this sets up a huge, huge, HUGE game vs. CTRU in Week 10. Seriously, it's huge.

Part Time Pimps 130, Razen Kanes 96
(PTP has Big Ben) (RK is done)
Tone Money. What happened, man? You used to be the damn best. Now you've lost 3 straight and your lead in the West, once thought to be insurmountable, is down to 1 game over PTP and Dragons. Hasselbeck (31) and Dunn (21) actually had good days, but Steve Smith (4) continues to disappoint. Colston (30) and Jennings (29) were the big men on campus for the Pimps, and Detroit DEF was worth a monstrous 44. Kanes are 5-4, PTP is 4-5 in that Wild West.


Good luck to everyone tonight. I'll be watching the game on ESPN Deportes after smoking a blunt, so I can laugh at the guys calling the game in Spanish. The laughter may cease if Fast Willie rips off a 60-yard TD run.

Friday, November 02, 2007

Week 8 Preview - by Ballbustin' Bob

(ed. note: the following was authored by Newberry Award-winning writer Ballbusting Bob. It is published completely uncensored. Mature adults may not even be mature enough to read this.)

(if any other owners want to contribute to the Blog, feel free to submit your spewage to me and I will publish it. IFL Blog is a charter member of the Coalition for Free Speech.)


Notorious RVG (3-4-1) @ Dead Beats (3-5)
These two great clubs are languishing in the bottom of the East Division. Winner of this game gets to continue to hold onto playoff hopes. Loser of this game gets to hold on to the hopes of a good draft next year.
Dead Beats have lost 3 straight even with the amazing play of LT.
RVG has a decent squad led by the Bengal Duo of Palmer and Housh. Throw Braylon Edwards into the mix and this squad can score a ton of points.
* RVG by 5.

Part Time Pimps (3-5) @ Razen Kanes (5-3)
Kanes started off the year on a tear but have lost their last two. A loss here to division rival PTP would make the West completely up for grabs (excluding Lizard Kings who are out of it). Kanes are in disarray due to injuries. Holt continues to be hurt and is on bye this week. No running game also hurts the Kanes. David Carr doesn't know how to throw the ball to Steve Smith. This team looks like the Eagles.
PTP come off winning high of the week and face their hated division rival. Maroney is back and looking good. Unfortunately with every addition their is a subtraction, Travis Henry is hurt and looks to be suspended sooner rather than later. At least Andre Johnson is back.
If you're unfortunate enough to get this game on cable, gouge out your eyes with a spoon.
PTP by 21.

MudDogs (4-3-1) @ Mighty Meatballs (3-5)
Mud Dogs come off a nice win and are right on the heals of their division leading Bucks County Bombers. They're lead by the great Hines Ward (2 TD's last week) and uh…lots of other really nice players. Stephen Jackson is on a bye but that's no loss since he's decided not to play this year.
Meatballs had a crushing loss on MNF and look to salvage their season. A win here puts them back in the mix for a wildcard, a loss makes this another disastrous season. Props to Joey MeatGenius, if he wins one more game this year he's doubled his IFL win total! Meatballs are lead by Addai and Brees.
I'll take the Meatballs with extra sauce (not gravy!). Meatballs by 12.

Bucks County Bombers (5-3) @ Dragons (3-5)
BCB looked unstoppable early on but have come back to earth showing how human they are. A win here keeps them on top of the East, a loss opens the door for anyone to step up. Kevin Jones has stepped in and looks to be a monster in the making. Team that with Roy Williams, Antonio Gates, Clinton Portis and now Selvin Young…jeez this squad looks good. BCB has to do without Plaxico and Eli this week.
Dragons are still contending for the division. A loss last week would have killed their hopes but all their last second wheeling and dealing helped them to a victory. Now its time to see if they can victories together. Luckily they face an easy oppon…oh wait, he's playing BCB…good luck Dragons. Try a tail whip or something. Failing the tail whip technique, Dragons need to rely on Reggie Wayne and McGahee. Hopefully Lee Evans continues to produce like last week
BCB looks too tough to overcome. BCB by 43.

9 Fingers (5-3) @ Lizard Kings (1-7)
9 Fingers need a win to keep pace with the division leaders. 9-Fingers are lead by Randy Freaking Moss, Kenny Watson and Chad Johnson. This squad could do some damage in the playoffs.
Lizard Kings need a win for some sense of dignity. The Kings have a solid squad lead by Peyton and Lynch.
I predict an upset victory here by LK. LK wins a squeaker by 7.

Hit Squad (4-4) @ Napalm Death (6-2)
Napalm Death is showing signs of life after their few year hiatus from the IFL. A win here today keeps them at least tied for the division lead. A loss makes this division wide open for everyone. They are lead by McNabb, Westbrook and Galloway. I thought this was a pretty weak squad but they made some definite improvements last week in a trade to Wo. Hopefully McNabb and Westbrook continue the trend against the cowboys and Devo scores some points.

Hit Squad is only a game back of their division lead. A win here muddies up the East as well. They're lead by Larry Johnson, MJD and the great Gonzo.
Prediction : Tie

GAME OF THE WEEK:

Ballbusters (4-4) vs. Chinese Toys R Us (6-2)
CTRU are on an absolute tear. 6 wins in a row and each has been between 35 and 84 points. The closest to a victory during this stretch were the Ballbusters in week 5 and that game wasn't close. A loss today for the Ballbusters could spell doom for their division hopes. Ballbusters are used to never winning a division so nothing really new there.
Ballbusters will have newly acquired Willie Parker and Deion Branch to their already formidable lineup. Will Addai continue to outperform Parker and Joey MeatGenius prove he's the better IFL owner? Hopefully not.

No prediction!

Thursday, November 01, 2007

IFL Reality Survivor-Like Competition - Week 8

Tone $ has been eliminated from the contest! He lost by .01 seconds to Bob Balbuster in the obstacle course, even after guaranteeing victory, saying he was the damn best at obstacle courses. He leaves with plenty of nice parting gifts, and a suitcase full of luxurious IFL towels, I'm sure.

This leaves only 6 remaining bunkmates: RVG, Christ, Biff W., Ballbusters, Wo-Man, and Michael "P.S." P. And out of all those people, it is Mud Dog Mike who has eviction protection for Week 9, so we are guaranteed at least another 2 weeks with him. Great.